It’s better to #inspire than to #expire!

Safety Tip: Always bend your knees not your back when bashing your head against a brick wall.

Did my first serious bit of #coding in 18 months yesterday & this morning this. It's an #omen I tell you. An omen!

I have diarrhoea & feel wobbly. I told you my cooking at home wasn't safe. (Yes I've been absent for a couple of days, this is from my new PC now with old data )

Does anyone know how to tell X that I live in Auckland, New Zealand and would rather have the emergency alerts for here than for Victoria, Australia?.

I'm staying home and eating my own cooking. Hmmm. Safer to dine out. #FoodSafety #HomeCooking #DineOut

#Homeopathic cure for drowning: Start with water & dilute it with water until there is no water left.

#Covid_scare :. I was eating out & couldn't taste my food. Then I remembered I was in McDs. Phew!

Physarum polycephalum is a #slime_mold with 507 sexes. Can you imagine what their version of #Tindr must be like?

Physarum polycephalum is a #slime-mold with 507 sexes. Can you imagine what their version of #Tindr must be like?

I’ve started a #loyalty_scheme for my fans . Every 10th joke is free!

I had to come out of the #closet. It was full of dresses that no longer fitted.

In the doctors waiting room. The magazines untouched while all the patients use our devices. I check a cover . older than the iPhone 1. #WaitingRoom #Magazines

Free outdoor new material comedy 1 pm 19/7 in Jellicoe Park, Onehunga, weather permitting. Open mics can’t control the jokes told, parental discretion is advised. Event: . #Comedy #StandupComedy #NewMaterial #JellicoePark #Onehunga @AucklandComedy

When I say I fix up my #lipstick after #smoking, I mean I can only find my lipstick when I’m searching my handbag for a #lighter!

Forget to pay the #exorcist and be repossessed.

Don’t ever say to a #geek “You do the #maths.”. We’ll stare at the ceiling for 5 minutes then say “72”, by which time you’ve forgotten the question.

Definition of irony: I just discovered my #recyclingBin has no recycling mark. Meaning when it wears out or the council changes it I'll have to send it to the landfill.

What about those #parallelUniverses?. Like ours except for trivial changes. Untold numbers of realities where Hillary was elected, dozens where Jacinda never replaced Little, a few where Trump was a good president and maybe even one where Windows doesn’t crash?

They renamed the K-T boundary to the K-Pg boundary because the thought of #asteroids wiping out the #dinosaurs was too much for young children.