I’m waiting till November first to get a goth gf on discount like chocolate bunnies the day after Easter

Sometimes when you are playing @geoguessr, something beautiful happens

forgot to tweet for like two years. doing comedy this friday 21st, 7pm at @comedygoodtimes w/ @AudreyPorne and @GerritGray. it's called SUPERHOT and i can promise 2/3 of the acts will be good. tix: https://t.co/zT8BkjcHnv

We're very good

Her: are we eating out tonight? Me:

Every time the Sopranos intro comes on

https://t.co/C9d3UMnTay

RIP Tony Sirico

If I die, no matter how trash it is, play the new Drake at my funeral

damn its a beautiful day I wish I had a fat wife and dumb kid to take to the beach. oh well. guess ill just sit at home with my gadgets and wait for my next health crisis

excited to go back out on tour and be one of the worst comedians in the country, barely doing 45 minutes, saying "right, right" to someone telling me things they remember from the podcast, trying local restaurants, etc

chiming in here on this comedy stuff. just wanted to chime a bit. everyones waiting for me to chime, like a little bell. the shiniest, most important little bell. sure, not as loud as the big bells, but im special. just a little chimer, and people wanna hear me ring ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ

Yeah I made some NFTs - new friends today

Haven’t paid any attention to the situation in russia, been way too busy having a girlfriend

god I love being good looking, it rules dude

Said that you a lesbian, girl, me too

DUDES ROCK

34 year old man in 1983 vs 2021