Just because it’s Labor Day doesn’t mean it has to end. White Boy Summer is a vibe, not a season. See you at the beach 🏖️.

Two years and 363 days ago I was rushed to the hospital and spent my first of over 40 nights in and out of the ICU for the ensuing year. According to the ER attending physician I was the ‘sickest person by far’ yet was still left unattended for over five hours while my body went

Any immigrant granted citizenship status in the US over the past 50 years should have to pass a civics test IN ENGLISH. Any ‘citizen’ that fails should be immediately denaturalized and deported.

Coming to a Manhattan near you #fucktards4Zohan

Priyanka Chopra has the Epstein list. There is no other explanation for how the worlds worst actress continues to get work other than having unspeakable leverage over the rich and powerful.

These vagrants will no doubt become doctors and lawyers and engineers with their ‘second chance.’ Justice for big balls.

Should I bring back the stash?

It’s raining, it’s pouring, the Cowboys defense is nonexistent.

Valentin Vacherot has become the first Monegasque player to win any tournament in ATP history and the lowest ranked (204) masters champion. He beat his cousin, Frenchman Arthur Rinderknech in the final. The two played in college together at Texas A&M. Great day for Monaco. 🇲🇨

It really is Katie Porter. In the audio version you can hear her yelling at Fancy Peasant to ‘get the fuck out of her shot.’

I wish I could secrete toxic sweat so that every time a fly or mosquito landed on my body it would instantly die.

Fun Fact: more people watched the OJ Simpson verdict (1995, 150 million viewers) than the all time rated Super Bowl LVIII (2024, 123 million viewers) where the Chiefs beat the 49ers.

Shutdown facts: @MikieSherrill is an absentee Congresswoman who missed 90% of votes this year & refuses to work w/ GOP on anything. She voted against a bipartisan plan to keep the govt open & fund Gateway. Want to make Trenton even worse? Put a DC politician like Mikie in

The Pope should disavow Cardinal McElroy. If not, the silence is a tacit approval of his statement. And until I see a bunch of Somalians take up free shelter inside the walls of the Vatican, they can kindly shut the fuck up.

GAVIN NEWSOM IS ESKIMO BROTHERS WITH HARVEY WEINSTEIN!

P.S. don’t try this with dime pieces. This method works best with 7’s and under.

Packed house for college football and you can’t get a seat at the bar? Just find a pretty girl who has one. Walk up to her, smile, then tell her she has beautiful skin and would make a great lamp shade. She will vacate the barstool. Works every time, you’re welcome.

Do I think it is insane that Palantir is popping off at 700x EBITDA? Yes. But it is BATSHIT CRAZY that the NY Giants just traded off at 55x EBITDA. The private equity sports franchise bubble is worse than the AI bubble.

It’s 10 AM somewhere 🥃

Brilliant tech journalist (🙄) asks still-learning-English 22 year old Spanish tennis phenom about Silicon Valley. 🤣🤣 Also, Carlos Alcaraz has entered his platinum blonde twink rebellion.

Blessed Mornings