Joan Rivers
@Joan_Rivers
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Joined February 2009
With all the plastic surgery I've had I'm worried that when I die, God won't recognize me!.
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When I first saw Justin Bieber's mug shot I thought they'd added a cute new lesbian on "Orange is the New Black.".
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I finally figured out my mom's password HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Xo Melissa. http://t.co/giTnL2qwnO.
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From Team Joan: . 4 years today…thinking of all the laughter, style and kindness you brought us. We miss you, Joan.
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Robin genuinely made me laugh and was one of the "good guys." I’ll miss him and his wonderful spirit. (Photo @brugli) http://t.co/ybAOsM6HlP.
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Today would have been Joan's 87th birthday. (she would have completely denied it!) Happiest of birthdays Joan Rivers.
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From Melissa Rivers: It’s hard to believe that my mother has been gone for six years now. Not a day goes by where I don’t think about her - her words still guide me and of course make me laugh. I miss her dearly.
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Lady Gaga accused Katy Perry of stealing her ideas. And Gaga knows she's right because she can remember stealing them from Madonna first.
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A man reportedly got his finger bitten off at a Beyoncé concert! The shocking twist: It wasn't Jay Z's finger and it wasn't by Solange.
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Don't miss this week's @InBedWithJoan with @YouTube sensation, the adorable @tyleroakley! http://t.co/0kIoltfwBL
http://t.co/YNEYCoXWUv.
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In case you missed last night’s special #Emmys #VMAs @e_FashionPolice episode, here are some highlights: http://t.co/LanzV5tJSo.
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Five years ago the world got a lot less funny. A true icon on and off the stage, today we celebrate Joan’s dynamic life and enduring legacy.
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I am definitely going to watch The Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for "Best Special Effects.”.
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Miley Cyrus defended her VMA performance by saying she made history. So did the Titanic, but only 2,000 men went down on her.
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Today we celebrate a life of style…happy birthday, Joan.
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Rihanna confessed to Oprah Winfrey that she still loves Chris Brown. Idiot! Now it's MY turn to slap her.
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Justin Bieber is going to be the new face of Calvin Klein underwear. We've gone from Marky Mark to Douchey Douche.
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Seth Rogen tweeted, "Justin Bieber is a piece of shit." I disagree! He is a giant, steaming pile of Canadian shit stuck to America's shoe.
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Any straight person complaining about the Supreme Court striking down DOMA should be forced to hire a heterosexual wedding planner.
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I'm so saddened by the death of Robin Williams. He was an amazing talent, a giving man, a brilliant comedian and an extraordinary actor. .
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Celine Dion’s asking $72 million for her Florida home. For that you get 5 bathrooms and the promise of never hearing the Titanic song again.
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I’m not surprised that a man my age has not asked me out in a while. They’ve all been too busy shooting “Expendables 3.”.
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Today is #HumanRightsDay. Joan always stood up for what she believed in; together we can make a difference.
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There are two guests @InBedWithJoan this week! @leannrimes and Eddie Cibrian! Take a look! http://t.co/MLqAmxvzED
http://t.co/qhEqAi7u6u.
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Justin Bieber is being sued for $9 million by a woman who says she went deaf at his concert. I'd pay DOUBLE that to not hear him sing again.
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For Coop's bday, here's one from my mom's joke file: I was lucky to be there when he was born, and grateful not to be when he was conceived.
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"The Lego Movie" is still number one at the box office. How dare they make a film about plastic people and not call me!.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue 2 more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again.
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I went to Madonna’s birthday party last night. Wow! The cake had 52 candles on it, one for each child she’s stolen from Africa.
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#TBT from @MelRivers: Mom waving to her loyal subjects in Williamsburg, an amazing Grandma Week vacation with Cooper
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An all new #FashionPolice TONIGHT at 8/7c. Our 90 minute special takes on both the #Emmys and #VMAs. Don’t miss it! http://t.co/pPF4je1si9.
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#TBT a favorite joke of my mom's - apropos for the start of Oscar season #MelRivers #joanrivers
http://t.co/FisywO57GU.
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#TBT from @MelRivers: Mom was one of the first celebrities to host an AIDS fundraiser. It was a cause near to her heart. #WorldAIDSDay
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Selena Gomez reportedly ended her friendship with Taylor Swift. How sad! Taylor can't even keep a woman around these days.
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Today is my waxer's birthday. What do you get for the woman who removes everything?.
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#TBT from @MelRivers: Treating ourselves at Serendipity in NYC…such great memories with Mom and Cooper.
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Every Thanksgiving, Joan delivered meals with @godslovenyc. They've been providing meals for people living with a severe illness since 1985.
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Rosie O’Donnell is returning to The View and I'm so excited. Why should Ellen DeGeneres and Bruce Jenner be the only lesbians on TV?.
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The gay Olympic Games ended last weekend and I totally missed them! Can someone tell me who took home the gold in Floral Arrangements?.
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Don't miss our special guest, Teen Wolf's @hollandroden, on tonight's all-new @e_FashionPolice! Tune in 9/8c http://t.co/7iEyA0Qm5G.
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Hard to believe that Amy Winehouse died two years ago. On the upside, this is the longest she ever went without a drink.
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Lovely seeing my new BFF Stefani (you might know her formally as @ladygaga) at @JoanneTrattoria last night! http://t.co/X55gYT8vQM.
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Miley Cyrus could never live in the kind of cold we're having here in NYC. Can you imagine all the poles her tongue would get stuck to?.
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Ever hear someone say "Who are you wearing??" on the Red Carpet? Well, you can thank Joan for that!! She invented the phrase!
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Someone posted this warning sign in the elevators at @e_FashionPolice. Thanks for keeping us all safe! http://t.co/i8qe40cPG8.
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Joan with her daughter, Melissa in the 1980s. Happy Mother’s Day!
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Joan celebrating love and equality in 2012. Happy Pride!!
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#TBT from @MelRivers: When Orlando Bloom moved into mom's neighborhood, she had to find him…and become his Juliet
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#TBT from @MelRivers: Mom trying not to interfere with the makeup artist. Joan knows best, after all. #JoanRivers
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Catching up with my friend @ladygaga before @FallonTonight. She truly brought the house down! http://t.co/vLnoJokYv7.
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Joan celebrating the 4th of July in style in 2013. Happy Independence Day!
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On tonight’s @e_FashionPolice VMA/Emmy Special (8/7c), straight from the VMAs we have pop star @JessieJ! Tune in! http://t.co/Ar3mUFPQjj.
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Joan with her lifelong friend and legendary comedian, Don Rickles at the Kraft Music Hall in 1968. Rest in peace, Don.
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.@MAKERSwomen: "Have you always been funny?" I knew I was funny, and I knew it was powerful. http://t.co/IZNgbYwtMi
http://t.co/wmgI2p9HJK.
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#TBT from Melissa Rivers: Happy Hanukkah to all! Thinking of my mom during this holiday season.
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From @MelRivers: Happy Hanukkah! Celebrating with my mother in 2013. #JoanRivers #MelRivers #Hanukkah
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#TBT 2013 - with Cooper our friend Leanne and my mom. Happy Hanukkah! - @MelRivers #joanrivers
http://t.co/K40H0HEXI1.
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My thoughts are with Tracy Morgan and his family. I hope he pulls through this soon and gets back to making us laugh! http://t.co/oZdkXtsRPQ.
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Lady Gaga's new song is called "Born this Way," but I totally disagree. I think dressing like an idiot is a lifestyle choice.
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Justin Bieber has a bald eagle tattoo on his shoulder. Canada is thrilled and hopes everyone will now think he’s an American asshole.
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#TBT from @MelRivers: Thanksgiving memories with Mom and Cooper in 2012…Happy Thanksgiving to all!!
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Let's see. Lady Gaga has gained a ton of weight and no one can find the meat dress. You do the math.
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Mila Kunis is pregnant with Ashton Kutcher's child, and Demi Moore is thrilled. If it's a boy, Demi will be able to date him in 14 years.
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Love being old on July 4th. I don't need a flag - my legs are white and my veins are red and blue. I can just wave them around! #4thofJuly.
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#TBT from @MelRivers: Mom dressed for royalty at Prince Charles's wedding in 2005. Mom was proud to be one of only four Americans invited!
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Gwyneth Paltrow says Botox made her “Scary like Joan Rivers.” I’ll tell you what’s scary – when your son brings home a girl named Apple.
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Justin Bieber and his dad were spotted with liquor a day after the arrest. The apple doesn't drag-race-while-wasted too far from the tree.
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The last Sunday in June was an important day to Joan Rivers. Happy Gay Pride Day to all! http://t.co/gOLIVHMMP7.
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As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It’s “Something Old” as well as “Something Blew.”.
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