Jimmy The Saint
@JimsNotions
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Following
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507
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@NickAdamsinUSA
Me (M&M enjoyer) finding out I can no longer eat them because it’s not a candy an alpha male would eat
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Remember this 3rd & 4th of July, most of you will partake in underaged drinking, but you know what’s really cool? Taking your trash with you when you leave the beach. Just because you’re destroying your liver doesn’t mean you get to destroy our oceans. Degenerates
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Girls will be 6 feet tall saying they’re a 10. Nah you’re the 5, we need a center 🤣🤣
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Might 1v1 my dad in basketball for the head of the table spot at Thanksgiving. That old man has had it too easy for too long
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@barstoolsports
Damn this is fucked up. Here’s a picture of me stuffing one of those guys at the line
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Alright Canada Goose kids, you’re richer than me. That doesn’t mean you get to walk 4 abreast on a two-way traffic pathway. I will red rover your ass
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Couldn’t sleep last night. Too excited for going out at the local bar the night before Thanksgiving. Slept in this beauty last night and shed a tear watching my hudl highlights this morning. Lets have a night.
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Somebody show me where the CEO of vaping is. I would like to have a few words with them.
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The only problem I have with my Apple AirPods ($159) is that there’s no volume control on them so when I’m lifting heavy weights that weigh a lot at the gym I need to adjust the volume on my Apple iPhone X (the one without a home button) 🙄🙄🙄
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Just a reminder to everybody let’s not trash the beaches with empty cans and bottles this summer. If you’re gonna be an underage degenerate drunk loser idiot don’t ruin it for everybody else and ruin our beaches
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You’re not getting a free Tesla, you’re not getting money from Mr. Beast, and the person who won the lottery isn’t giving you $500 for retweeting his tweet. Stop it, you’re adults.
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I should be quarantined immediately, look at how sick I am 😷
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The bars in town were a movie the night before Thanksgiving. Everybody kept taking about how cool I was in high school and how awesome it was when I was captain of the week in football. People were calling me Beer Jim left and right and offering to buy me drinks. What a time!
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Twitter and Instagram are too easy now, I’m going for likes and comments on Venmo, it’s what a true social media hero would be doing
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Grub Hub driver just told me I’ll be more than a delivery driver when I graduate and I laughed and said “I hope so” and have never felt more uncomfortable in my life
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Keisha’s Song
Ronald Reagan Era
Spiteful Chant
Better album than DAMN.
On this day 9 Years ago Kendrick Lamar dropped his debut album 'Section .80' 🔥📀
What are your favorite tracks on this album?⬇️
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Every person who adds their little cousins running around to their snap story is being removed immediately
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Imagine dick riding a crab
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Me going out Saturday night after going out Friday and having a tailgate earlier
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Lol some old head honked at me and yelled for not letting her back out of her spot when she tried to cut me off at Gunther Tooties, made sure to yell back and give her a 15 second stare down so she knows I’m not a child who is afraid of adults
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Maybe this is why 2020 is like this. I’m sorry everybody
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Working with people who barely speak English is the best because they don’t bother me with small talk and just say sorry after everything they do
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Some of my friends smoke weed. It really sucks because they’re nice people, but I don’t want to have drug addicts negatively influencing my life
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At the end of my class I reached down behind me to grab my backpack and grabbed the foot of the kid sitting behind me. I don’t think I’m going to go to that class anymore
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Men who use the machine at the gym where you squeeze your thighs together are sus as hell
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When you start feeling overwhelmed, sometimes you gotta think of something to make you smile :)
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Local triathlete destroys triathlon (didn’t come in last)
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Theoretically if I invited you over for some burgers and dogs and maybe a couple adult beverages would you come?
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@lexalamode
Yeah cool meme, too bad Black Tuesday was October 29, 1929 and the depression was in the 1930s. What school did you go to?
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Sorry to all of the socialism supporters. I try to be open minded and take a Marxian Economics class and I’m told there’s a 6,000-8,000 word (25-30 page) essay. Never dropped a class so fast
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Whether it is summer or not, country music is unbelievably atrocious.
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Timer for how long it took for our student speaker to mention the pandemic in her speech
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91 showed maybe the worst performance of athleticism for a college athlete I have ever seen
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Kyrie
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Moving out of my parents house and into an apartment. Finally an adult 🙌🏼
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@MarkyF_
@kobychill
Smh I can’t believe they’re disrespecting the Transylvania Twist like that
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They used to call me Thicc Man, but recently I’ve been feeling like Think Man
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Like this tweet and I will DM you a nice picture of myself!
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It took this idiot bird 8 tries to get the triangle in. Im way smarter than it, why would this be cool or scary?
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Here’s a picture of JV me wearing the same skull cap
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Well he raped somebody
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Next person who pisses me off is getting picked for popcorn reading after me
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Following Billy Tibbetts on Instagram seems like a good idea until he posts 400 stories a day with only one memorable quote the middle of it
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@Wendys
they can’t even read
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Hey everyone, life can be tough sometimes. But remember, through the Fire and the Flames we carry on ✊🏼
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Bagel Bites are just so much better than Pizza Rolls and I refuse to let people try to defend Pizza Rolls
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Today marks a special day for me. I successfully used a pen until it ran out of ink without losing it
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Got to the gym and not only are my AirPod pros dead, but my welfare pods (regular AirPods) are also dead. God saw I started taking creatine and is trying to do anything he can to slow me down
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Supposed to get a physical every year? I haven’t been to the doctor since sophomore year of high school. Did I mention that I PHYSICALLY feel great? A doctor’s approval is a waste of time I know I’m straight
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If you’re in ghost mode that’s one thing, but people who go on and off the snap map are sketchy and not to be trusted
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hey man, come through we’re at the new brewery in the worst part of town. it’s at 300% capacity and there’s one bartender.
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So I had to write an essay about how everyday activities we do are harmful to the environment for my Anthropology class, yet we had to print it out and pass it in instead of turning it in online. The irony is insane
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Whenever I send a shower selfie people think I'm high. No sorry I'm just a freaking weirdo
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Not to brag guys, but I just got on a skateboard for the first time in years and busted out a few mean ollies so this summer might be dangerous for you posers at the skate park 👀😈
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Thinking about when I had to review somebody’s Econ paper last year and he wrote a sentence in all caps for emphasis. Junior in college.
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