No one ever asks why in the world is Carmen Sandiago.

Someone in my D&D game called Necrotic damage Neurotic damage and I can't stop thinking about it.

Join millions who have switched to Grok.

Does anyone else worry that the race for the coldest beer in town will lead to a sort of Vannagut Ice-Nine situation?.

When you sit down to prepare for something and end up on a Ben 10 wiki.

Is it weird to anyone else that rule 5 of Fight Club is the same rule you have to follow at a gas station to get a burrito.

We will never beat climate change until Madagascar becomes Madelectriccar.

I'm revolting against morning people!.

Whenever I'm at a concert and the band tells the crowd to make some noise I remain absolutely silent because I'm paying THEM to make noise not the other way around!.

I drink two Gatorades and I'm worried that I might have too many electrolytes now.

People won't tell you this but you can pretty confidently say "Happy Belated Birthday" to anyone at any time.

I calculated the odds of this succeeding versus the odds I was doing something incredibly stupid and I went ahead anyway.

Be sure and tell em Large Marge sent ya.

It's my 15 year Veganniversary today and to celebrate I'm making the first vegan dish I fell in love with from my first vegan cookbook @IsaChandra @terryhope

I feel like there's probably someone at netflix behind a console watching me start the same show for the third time shaking their head and thinking to themselves "He's not going to make it this time either.".

This is worth 7.5% of your daily tweets if you're unverified like me.

If you get Potato Oles and there's not one or two in the bottom of the bag you're actually entitled to a full refund.

I've been to the doctor twice this year and not once did she hit my knee with that little rubber mallet thing.

What a fun show @theenvycorps with a string section playing Dwell. I feel like I'm back home.

I've been thinking about it a lot lately and I would rather be ugly on the inside.

At this point I'm pretty sure if I didn't worry about everything I'd poof out of existence like Tinkerbell in the absence of applause.