The first candidate who says they’re getting rid of the USPS, is getting my vote.

Incel? How about you quit jerking off to comic book porn, and calling other men “Chads” because they know how to make themselves look good, and go buy a cutie a drink?

Morning Tip: You don’t have to brush all of your teeth, just the ones you want to keep.

Am I the only one that doesn’t give af who others vote for? Frankly, I find it a little bit pompous and borderline arrogant that people think we actually care who they vote for, and feel like they’re important enough that they have to let everyone know. Doug, the fry cook from

“Midlife crisis? No, I’m just crazy. But nothing about my life is mid.”

I’m feeing like doing some crime; anyone wanna plan a heist with me? Or maybe just go toilet paper someone’s house?

Y’all!! My frand did a big thing!!!

If it isn’t true, if I were him and the university, I would sue 247 for every penny they have. If this is false news, they should be done as a news outlet.

Most of y’all arguing about politics have a crayon level understanding of how things work anyway.

So… if you use a runner app to get your groceries, and you tell them you want 4 bananas, you might end up with 4 bunches of bananas, which is toooooo many, and problematic given I live alone. TL;DR: anyone have a fire banana bread recipe?

Say less: 8675309

I embrace being single, but every time I watch Chef and he cooks for her, I’m like, “Type shit! I need that in my life.” …but then I realize they weren’t dating, she’s just filling a space on his roster.

PS. Buying them would be wayyyy more efficient

It could be us, doing all the cute Fall stuff; pumpkin patches and corn mazes, hot boozy cider, fuzzy socks. All of it. But it’s gonna be 85° and sunny in Austin, so I’m putting the boat in the water and wakesurfing. …and, well, you don’t exist.

Wait… people buy nudes? And I’ve been out here relying on my good looks, charm, and wit to get them, this whole time?

Hats off to the Georgia Defense; well played. Hope to see a rematch in December. It’s still Texas forever, and Hook ‘em!!!

My prediction: this Texas vs. Georgia game is gonna pop off, and one of the two QBs stamps his ticket to NYC.

“SHE,” btw. Your team’s coach could never.

Look at this dude. Anyone that “knows” can tell SHE dressed him today, which means my dude is gonna have that clarityyyy. Texas by 21.