James Barnes
@JamesJim360
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Socially awkward fail: So one day I was walking around, just chilling with my friends when I see this guy reading a book. He was new there but the book was a book I read and LOVED.
So naturally I approach this boy hoping to make a new friend and bond over the series. Being the
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ALL YOU HAVE DONE SINCE YOU GOT
HERE ...
A man decided to join a very small and very
selective order of monks. The order was so devoted
to prayer they were only allowed to say 2 words
every year.
After the first year passed, he went into a
small room where he was given the
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School Question
Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?"
Son: "I was the only one who could answer a
question."
Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?"
Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal?"
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Whisper
A mother took her little boy to church. While in
church the little boy said.
“Mommy, I have to pee.”
The mother said to the little boy, “It’s not
appropriate to say the word "pee" in church. From
now on when you have to "pee" just tell me that you
have to whisper.”
The
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He drew it all himself
Teacher: Who helped you to draw this map, Jack?
Jack: Nobody, sir.
Teacher: Didn’t your brother help you?
Jack: No, sir. He drew it all himseil.
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Guardian Angel
A man was walking in the street when he heard a
voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step,
a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of
him. The man was astonished.He went on, and after
awhile
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THE BIBLE
A father was approached by his small son,
who told him proudly."I know what the word 'Bible'
means!"
His father smiled and replied..... "What do
you mean, you 'know what the word Bible means'?"
The son replied, "I mean I figured out what
the word stands for!"
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Sporting goods: So I have this health teacher who is really insane about exercise. This woman has done ironman triathlons, and talks about going to the YMCA at 5:00am.
Yeah she’s crazy.
Basically we have this project to pick a health goal to do for a month. Things like drinking
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"I'm ashamed of the way we live," a young wife says
to her lazy husband who refuses to find a job. "My
father pays our rent. My mother buys all of our food.
My sister buys our clothes. My aunt bought us a car.
I'm just so ashamed."
The husband rolls over on the couch. "And
you
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TEN DOLLARS IS TEN DOLLARS
Stumpy Grinder and his wife Martha were
from Portland,Maine. Every year they went to the
Portland Fair and every year Stumpy said, "Ya
know, Martha, I'd like to get a ride in that airplane."
And every year, Martha would say "I know,
Stumpy, but that
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MALE OR FEMALE ?
SWISS ARMY KNIFE -- male, because
even though it appears useful for a wide variety of
work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.
KIDNEYS -- female, because they always go
to the bathroom in pairs.
TIRE -- male, because it goes bald.
WEB PAGE --
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OUT ALL NIGHT DRINHKING ...
An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking. The
bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he
stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He
figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and
maybe that will sober him up.
Once
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MIND READER
One day a young man was visiting the fair. Over to
one side was a small tent, with a sign that said "For
50 dollars I'll teach you to be a mind reader! - Apply
within."
So the young man thought that he'd give it a
go, and went inside. Behind a small table inside was
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Question and answer blonde jokes
Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.
Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
Q: How do you change a blonde\'s mind?
A: Blow in her ear.
Q: How do you measure a blonde\'s intelligence?
A: Stick a tire
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– I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.
So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?”
One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales dumbo!”
So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from
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Texas Vs. Australia
A Texan farmer goes to Australia on vacation. There
he meets an Aussie farmer and gets to talking. The
Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan
says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least
twice that size!"
They walk around the ranch a little,
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Nothing is too small to know, and nothing too big to attempt. – William Van Horne
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The Musical Astronaut:Why did the astronaut play the guitar in space? It wanted to create a universal melody!
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