Jack Tilde
@JackTilde
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Author. Writer. Novelist. Guy who lists synonyms. I #FollowBack writers, readers and interesting people. #WritingCommunity #Author #AmQuerying
Maine, USA
Joined November 2023
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Ok. Let's play a game. How many people had or grew up in a home with this exact model?
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What movie emotionally scarred you as a child?
Mine: Time Bandits
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Help me solve an argument with my wife.
Those Christmas tins with the three types of popcorn (butter, cheese, caramel); is best to:
A) Leave the divider and keep them separate.
B) Remove the divider and let the flavors mingle into a sweet and salty mix.
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What is the single funniest book you have ever read? I am looking for some inspiration before I begin writing my next comedy and I want something both unexpected and extremely funny.
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I've learned a valuable lesson these last 48 hours. Primarily that Twitter takes it's popcorn etiquette very seriously and that the divider stays in the tin.
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Ok, I have the world's worst writer's block. What do you do to get over it? I have an idea for a new book and I have it all plotted, but it's like every time I sit down to start the words wont come out.
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My Daughter (7): Eggplants are berries.
Me: That can't be right.
::Googles::
Well I'll be damned. Eggplants are berries.
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Writers with a literary agent, how long did you query before landing an agent? Writers without a literary agent (but are querying), how long have you been querying?
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Based on yesterday's feedback, I made a slight tweak. Which is better, the new (option A) or the original (option B)?
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Who is your favorite "one hit wonder" author? Someone who only wrote one really great book.
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Alright, I am raffling off the Neil Gaiman signed copy of Good Omens first. Link below. No cost. I just want to grow my newsletter list and will pick an email at random once it reached a certain number of subs.
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Thank you to everyone who provided feedback on my book cover faceoff! A (the one below) was the winner by a huge margin. :)
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Serious question, why do most "book promoters" on Twitter generally have less than 100 followers and accounts less than 30 days old? I have yet to see a promoter with a well established account and a heavy following.
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Second cover concept. This one may better express that it is a "fun" story and more lighthearted. Thoughts?
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Ok, so book cover faceoff number two. Current champ on the left. Challenger on the right. The book is a satire about death, pain and chaos. Which cover is best?
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You gotta know your musicals and your Russian novelists to get this one.
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Thank God. Was worried about crocodiles before I went for a swim, but clearly there's nothing to worry about.
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Today's rejection letter was, "Your story sounds interesting, but I'm overloaded with work and have more clients than I can handle." Probably the least discouraging rejection I have received.
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They never tell you how much of being an author is just waiting around for other people to do things.
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I have this copy of "Mostly Harmless" signed by the late great Douglas Adams. I'm considering raffling it off to folks who sign up for my newsletter. Would anyone have an interest in that?
#douglasadams
#HHGTTG
#TheHitchhikersGuideToTheGakaxy
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As a father and an author in the process of querying, I get this.
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Wife (rolls over in bed): I'm leaving you.
Me: What? What did I do?
Wife: You snore.
Me: That's no reason to divorce me.
Wife (eye roll): I'm leaving you to go sleep in the other room.
Don't think she was expecting dad jokes from a barely conscious man.
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My Daughter (7): What's the best thing about Switzerland?
Me: I dunno. The cheese?
My Daughter: I dunno either, but the flags a big plus!
....
Either she is a comedic genius or she stole it from YT. Either way, bravo.
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After the discussion about the long and painful process of querying, I felt everyone would appreciate this reminder.
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Go into the arts. I'm not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell
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Kids these days think they invented woke. Back in my day we had an entire cartoon series about the importance of being kind to people who were different, even if those people happened to have laser beams shooting from their eyes and adamantium claws.
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Can anyone remember a time when they heard a car alarm and actually thought, "Oh no! Someone's car's being stolen!"
Me neither.
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Pretty much the most important lesson one can learn. Especially these days.
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I can't be the only person whose mind always goes somewhere dirty when I hear the name of the UK discount chain "Poundland," right?
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I just want to say that editors are the real MVPs of book writing. Just got back my edited manuscript and it is SO much better than the clunky mess I provided.
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Way that tree is acting, either the water is cold or the shore is rocky.
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Opinions on this concept for a book cover? Shooting for like MCM minimalist.
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@AuthorPeterPike
See, I know that. The conversation was more like, "Hey, did you ever remove the divider as a kid?" And her response was, "No one does that you hillbilly." But now we know, she is right except for me and like 4 people. Lol.
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@AkkalonAS
Not mine. That's the best I can tell you. What I have found is that jobs that pay the bills suck the life out of you and jobs that don't suck the life out of you often don't pay the bills either.
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My Wife: If we could get any kind of dog, what would you want?
Me: An English Bulldog. I need a dog that makes me look like I've got my shit together by comparison.
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Probably the best response from a beta reader I have ever received came in this morning. Got a little dusty in here...
"please know that it has already added an indelible impact on the life of someone who lives far away from you"
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::Blue porta-potty sitting on the sidewalk.::
My son (9): Look! A Turdis!
Me:
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My daughter (7): Words are tricky. Babysitting sounds like a bad thing, like sitting on babies, but it's good. But kidnapping sounds like a good thing, like a kid taking a nap, but it's very bad.
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I've learned more about life from this seagull than I did reading Jonathan Livingston Seagull.
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Daughter (7): My favorite weekdays are Saturday, Sunday and Tuesday.
Me: Tuesday? Why Tuesday?
Daughter: Tacos!
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Friend: Don't you want to be one of those cool old people?
Me: Hell no. I wasn't even one of those cool young people...
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My Son (8): Why is that man dressed like that?
Me: He's Hasidic
My Son: Why is he acidic?
Me: Because he's not basic.
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"I regretfully cannot attend, the kid from Air Bud gave my syphilis."
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I now have the perfect number of followers. Don't ruin this for me.
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@8MonkeyTheorem
This way my tactic last time. Maybe I need to just start writing whatever nonsense pops into my head. I think last time I was just having fun. This time I am trying to "write" if you know what I mean.
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I've always said Wanka didn't plan to give the factory away in the beginning, but once he saw the oncoming onslaught of lawsuits from the families, he quickly made his escape by transferring the company to Charlie.
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These are on sale on Woot today. So the question I'm asking myself is, "Am I really ready to go full dad mode?"
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Apparently, the key to great literature is not wasting time at the barber...
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I never knew how many cargo ship and bridge experts there were on Twitter.
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#Authors
and
#WritingCommunity
, I'm looking for advice. Has anyone ever self-published and wished they had tried for traditional? Anyone ever go traditional and wish they had self-published?
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My Wife: Kathy Bates is really amazing in American Horror Story. Her performances are always masterful.
Me (snickering like a ten year old): Well, I guess that's why they call her Master Bates!
My Wife: ::eye roll::
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@melissajcave
I love Christopher Moore. Lamb is one of my favorites. I will check out A Dirty Job for sure.
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They never tell you how much of middle age is just squinting at labels at the store.
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I'm just a twelve-year-old driving around a fleshy mech suit that resembles an overweight middle-aged man.
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@Writing_Abigail
Same rule, but for pizza. You don't eat that kind of cheese and carbs without getting as big as a house. Best pizza I ever had was made by a kitchen full of folks who very much looked like they were consuming their own product.
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Me as the rejection responses to my query letters begin rolling in...
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On second thought, maybe I'll do a resolution I know I can stick to. I resolve to write the wrong date on every check or document I have to sign for the next three to six months.
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"It's better to have a wood chip in your shoe than to be thrown into a wood chipper." - Me to my young son
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@AuthorGoodwin
I don't think so. I think there are born storytellers. Some choose film, some music, and some writing. But one can be a great storyteller without a formal background in writing if they work to hone the craft.
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I got my daughter (7) a new lofted bed for her room and she has been so happy for the last couple days. I'm not sure if the takeaway is a lesson about being happy for the simple things or if I need to buy myself a lofted bed.
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Twitter in a nutshell:
Me: "This seems like a normal person to follow."
First DM from the Person: "Hi, can I see your d*ck?"
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When a beta reader says, "this book reminds me of" and then proceeds to list the two books you list as similar works in your query letter.
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Where do I work again? I'm supposed to go there today, but I've forgotten where "there" is.
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It's one of the few things I truly love about my fellow humans.
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This is basically me writing my next book. That is gonna be the cleanest mountain range of all time.
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If you're following me and you are a writer, book lover, publisher, agent, etc and I'm not following you back, reply here so I can do so. I've had so many folks follow me in the last month that I've lost track and I keep coming across good accounts I missed following back.
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