PSA: For the next four months I am officially 5’9”. Effective immediately

On time for a dentist appointment. New feeling

Days since last watched Tyrann Mathieu’s 2011 LSU highlights: zero. Was a nice run

DUFB alums - looking forward to seeing you back on the Hill Oct. 3-5!

The real writers have been using em dashes long before ChatGPT

Ban RPOs

Gonna need one of the fellas to get a job/get promoted soon, haven’t dropped a banger LinkedIn comment in a while

Today I officially became an adult. Why today, you ask? Because I am angry about the 7:20 Bears kickoff. Unless it’s Friday or Saturday, all sporting events should wrap up by 9:30 at the latest

Me: We should hit a local park and play street tackle football, like the olden days My friends: Hahaha Me: Hahahaha yeah was totally kidding guys

With Caleb, the Bears are basically the Harlem Globetrotters on a football field. Every pass play - even the unsuccessful ones - is a circus act. It is wildly entertaining

Hey @MasterClass you guys ever consider doing a series on parallel parking? Think you should, and I’m happy to volunteer some time as an instructor

Best part about showing up to work with a Starbucks coffee is you get to keep the status symbol all day. When it’s time to hit the Keurig for coffee #2 (or #3😝), just fill the same cup up

Lost track of time and only gave myself 10 mins to make a 20 min walk to the train. Weaved thru downtown Chicago foot traffic at full speed with a low center of gravity like late-2000s Maurice Jones-Drew. Sweating bullets on the Metra now but at least I can say I still got it

I am 4-5 years out of my eating prime, but for certain foods (e.g. spaghetti, skirt steak, lemon pepper wings) I can still turn the jets on

What a terrible start to my afternoon. I fired up the family desktop and incidentally came across some footage of my 7-year-old self playing Glenview Park District basketball. I’m two minutes in and I’ve already watched myself smoke three layups.

That’s Chicago for ya!!!

I miss old lineup construction: 1. Fastest player 2. Random mediocre hitter 3. Best all-around hitter 4. Best power hitter 5. Lumbering power or bust hitter 6. High-OBP guy who leads off now 7. Bad switch hitter 8. Catcher 9. Gold Glove defender (-5 DRS, can't hit)

I like to think I’m a good writer but no words can properly express just how grateful I am for the @DUFootball program. Memories of a lifetime and relationships that will LAST a lifetime.

Nooooooo. Totally forgot to put a picture of the eclipse on my Snapchat story. I SWEAR I saw it though

Upon reaching an intersection today, I realized that I needed to bend my neck down in order to see when the light would turn green. I haven’t adjusted my seat height in months. Perhaps I’m hitting a growth spurt at 22? Might want to keep a tab on this one @NFL

Yes, the White Sox are winless. Yes, we are starting guys who would be playing in the minor leagues for most other organizations. No, I have not heard of more than maybe half the pitchers on our roster. But I’ll tell you one thing about the Sox: We do NOT lose five in a row.💯