Hell’s Belle𓆩♡𓆪
@ItsMiri
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“Dewey, I’m not a Satanic sex god anymore.”
CA//TN
Joined March 2013
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i have a friend who always asks me before venting/sharing concerns if i “have the mental space for it right now” & i gotta say...that willingness to respect boundaries and not demand a loved one dedicate emotional energy they may not have that day...thats the healthiest shit ever
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i laughed at this scene as a child but this is literally how i cope with shit now
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*sexting*
him: i’ve handcuffed you to the bed, and i’m slowly kissing down your entire body
me: but then, out of the corner of your eye, you spot him
𝘚𝘩𝘪𝘢 𝘓𝘢𝘉𝘦𝘰𝘶𝘧
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my mom showed me a picture of myself in 7th grade and i was like “ew thats so ugly/embarrassing”
and she said “you are not being very nice to that little girl. she’s sweet and she’s smart and special and you’re pretty mean to her”
excuse me while i go sob until i pass out
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its may 31st, which means that if you have not been cuffed by now, it’s officially time to flick your relationship switch to “off” until september.
happy hoeing!
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**”Hundreds of LDS missionaries bring Coronavirus back to Utah”
there. fixed the headline for ya.
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accepting 2 dates to the movies on july 21st. telling neither one about the other. running back and forth between barbie and oppenheimer, hastily (and increasingly messily) switching between two outfits and makeup looks and hairstyles. anxious my deception may be discovered
‘BARBIE’ and ‘OPPENHEIMER’ are both still slated for release on July 21, 2023, with no plans to shift.
()
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“but if kids are taught that gender is fluid they’ll just grow up confused and damaged!”
excuse me but i watched Miss J Alexander on America’s Next Top Model for 15 years and i’m not confused, damaged, OR homophobic so
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no i got kicked out third semester because, unlike you, i actually get laid
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my professor told us that if we ever need an absence excused, we just need to email her asking her to excuse it. doesn't matter if it's for a funeral or a fiesta. she said this is because "life is comprised not only of unwelcome bad things, but also of unforeseen good things."
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my bf: you’re so pretty without makeup
me: *doest wear makeup*
my bf: who’s that little boy wearing all my hoodies and eating my food?
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@Chrishurtado786
maybe your sister should worry less about what the genital situation of her teammates is, and focus more on being good enough to get in on her own merit regardless
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when i dumped my ex, his mom took a picture from my instagram and made a side-by-side picstitch comparing me to morticia addams...
i know her goal was to diss me so he would feel better but i feel like somebody should tell her that is the greatest compliment i’ve ever received
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one time i texted a boy “so do you like costco?”
and he responded “do i like costco? i LOVE costco”
and that boy is now dating someone else you thought this tweet was the beginning of a cute costco love story but you, my friend, were wrong.
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my friend self harmed extensively & told a trusted friend at BYU that he was feeling suicidal/scared. HC found and told him that if he ever mentioned feeling suicidal to anyone else, he would face academic consequences. they silence those suffering then claim they dont exist
@TheEllenShow
says that high
#suicide
in
#Utah
is "because of the shame they feel from the
#Mormon
Church.” Actually, religion helps prevent suicide and Mormon teens in Utah are LESS likely to have suicidal thoughts or attempt suicide
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i am a 5’3” woman who just found out that JoJo Siwa is 5’9”...
there are few things more terrifying than the thought of that entity towering over me
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every tattoo is a temporary tattoo when you consider the fact that nothing lasts forever and one day this earth will be obliterated
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@Chrishurtado786
gender fluid is not the same thing as transgender. please do some more research and we will talk
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yeah these utah model girls may all be gorgeous with their tiny noses and skinny legs and blonde hair, but they’ll never know the feeling of sheer power that comes with looking weird as fuck and watching peoples faces as they try to figure out why they’re attracted to you anyway
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@Chrishurtado786
@excusemebruhh
trans and non binary people don’t pose nearly as much of a threat to us as straight men do, chrissy
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yo if i’m a mutual with your abuser, please lmk. i will cut that shit off immediately.
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“if you don’t like the lds church’s influence, just move to a different state”
ah, yes. discontinue my education, uproot my entire life, and start all over in a new area to accommodate an unlawful fusing of church and state... why didn’t i think of that?! thank you!
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in the Utah language, there’s a phrase that goes: “happy pie and beer day”
which translates to: “fuck the inaccurate pioneer rhetoric regarding the LDS settlers, and the holiday dedicated to it”
and i just think that’s beautiful ❤️
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mad weird to think i started the decade as a beehive and ended the decade as a whore
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@Chrishurtado786
do you not realize non-binary people are largely discouraged from pursuing sports because of the alienation they face and because of the judgment of people like you who think they shouldn’t get to compete bc of a birth situation they can’t control?
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so i’m home visiting my parents, right?
so here it is, 8 am on a saturday morning, and they’re both at my bedroom door telling me to wake up because “we are going to watch National Treasure”
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church: masturbation is bad! premarital sex is bad!
me: and rushing into a marriage with a person you barely know because you’re horny and not allowed to do anything about it until after you’ve committed to aforementioned practical stranger for eternity is....?
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i hate “hiking is cheaper than therapy!” ass bitches.
like yeah, maybe. but hiking won’t make you realize your inability to experience comfortable intimacy with a person stems from a fear of being truly known, rooted in rejection experienced in your formative years, emily.
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Why Mormons Need to Stop Hoping Ex-Mormons Come Back: a thread
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i texted my dad that i really need a hug right now and he sent me a picture of him hugging a photo he has of me on his desk at work.
there goes my makeup
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how to be funny on twitter:
1. grow up ugly so you’re forced to develop a personality and a sense of humor
2. develop clinical depression and undergo serious psychological trauma
3. use the humor to cope with the trauma aftermath and post it online in an appealing format
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i feel like this is what the inside of the MTC looks like please do not correct me if im wrong
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@Chrishurtado786
@excusemebruhh
then stop saying shit like “women are at a disadvantage!” when no sociological studies have shown that to be the case, mmmkay?
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remember that time i was dating a girl at BYU and the RA’s were all like “you cant have boys past the door that leads to the hallway with the bedrooms!” and Amanda and i were like “not a problem” and then got it on in the Lord’s dorms?
good times. good times.
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@Chrishurtado786
@excusemebruhh
do you have some studies you can cite? bc so far it sounds like you’re just sharing your biased opinion with no scientific backing
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hey guys... i know that it might seem insignificant, but i just wanted to let you know that today is the first day in years that i haven’t felt any anxiety.
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for everyone commenting “sHe JuSt WaNtS yOu To ExPlAiN”
1. shut the fuck up, it’s not that deep
2. she didn’t say that for any of the other 3 abbreviations i used in the paper. get angrier about actual lack of sex ed instead of some paper a girl on twitter wrote 3 yrs ago
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guys to guys: bro i love you, no homo tho ahah. no homo.
girls to girls: i love you so fucking much i literally wish i was gay for real
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Better back the fuck up before you get smacked the fuck up for this one
“Am I the only person who has noticed that SNL has never hired a ‘hot woman?’”
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pros of utah:
-best cinnamon rolls in the state are only $1
-fry sauce
-maveriks everywhere
cons of utah:
-liquor laws
-inversion
-CULTure
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me: *makes a joke about byu football and the fact i have sex*
men, for some reason: you WHORE. you’re ILLITERATE and STUPID and UGLY. you were probably sexually ABUSED. you’re going to HELL. i am the mouthpiece of GOD on this earth and i HATE YOU
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they all say “bros before hoes” but i have NEVER seen somebody disregard their boy’s feelings or throw them under the bus faster than a dude who is trying to get some pussy
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i was talking to my therapist and he goes
“Miranda, don’t take this the wrong way but... have you ever *actually* had a healthy relationship?”
...like
FIRST OF ALL- how dare you?
SECOND OF ALL- no.
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Brutus is just as cute as Caesar. Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar. And when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody huh? Because thats not what Rome is about. We should totally just STAB CAESAR
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being everybody’s
“girl they fuck with before they meet the girl they actually think is worth dating”
is a difficult job but somebody’s gotta do it
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guys all want a girl with her shit together until they realize that means she's too busy to be available whenever they want
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theres nobody i respect more than panda express workers who just do not hold back. the ones who pack as much shit into the box as possible
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if you love something, let it go.
if it doesn’t come back, call it every time you are drunk and demand to know why you weren’t good enough
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that amber alert telling us to keep a look out for a “gry toyt”(gray toyota) sounds like me drunk texting my girls in the club trying to tell them what our uber is pulling up in
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overheard this girl say “i need to start working out more” and before i could even cringe about it, she follows it with “because it helps me get mentally tougher”
that’s the shit i like to hear.
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i’ve been asked why i need so much time/solitude when i’m trying to heal from stuff and honestly the answer is because i don’t want to bleed on people who didn’t cut me
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i could really use Edna Mode slapping me in the face with a newspaper and screaming “my god! pull yourself together!” right about now
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MacKenzie Bezos, finding out that her husband falling in love with someone else means becoming the richest woman in the world
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me: can i merge?
any other car on the freeway: i’d literally rather see you die
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my favorite part of high school was when i didn't peak during it
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pedophilia and sex trafficking- simply stepping stones to perfection 💕
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did anyone else read a book about a boy who had an existential crisis because everything he touched was turning to chocolate or did i just do a lot of psychedelic drugs in the second grade?
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just think-
there could be somebody who has such a big crush on you right now.
there probably isn't, but that's not the point.
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one taught me love
one taught me patience
one reinforced my deeply-rooted fear of abandonment that tells me everybody i ever love will eventually leave me
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self-righteous twitter girl: well at least *I* don’t feel the need to show off my body for likes
me: well by the looks of it you’re not showing off much of a personality either
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i had sex with a guy with the LEAST impressive dick. afterwards, i was eating ice cream, still naked. he goes “soooo you’re not concerned about weight then?”
...i was 105 pounds.
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*puts lips on microphone*
kanye is not a good role model for those with mental health issues, nor is he a good or accurate representation of those with mental health issues to the rest of the population
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to anybody who thinks i’m a slut or a hoe:
just know that you’re seriously overestimating me and i’m flattered
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okay let’s just **say** for the sake of argument that god is real and he doesn’t want LGBTQ individuals to love who they love and will think twice about letting you into heaven with a tattoo...
why on earth to you want to worship that absolute douche?
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do you really “love too deeply” or do you form dependent attachments because the idealized version of that person you’ve created keeps you from ever having to acknowledge that the fulfillment you need can only ever come from yourself?
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“relationship” has the same amount of letters as “fuck that shit” and isn’t it funny how these things work out
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there is nobody on the planet i respect more than this boy
"i dont like republicans" LMFAOOOOO BRO HES LIKE 7
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sometimes i think i need to dial it back, but then i remember Steve Buscemi delivered the line “Do you think God stays in Heaven because he, too, lives in fear of what he’s created?”
*in a children’s movie*
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do you ever wish that your lungs were bigger just so you could sigh heavier
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hi, i’m TJ. i’m so “woke” that make light of sexual abuse to try to insult women because them having a healthy and normal sex life scares me and i don’t agree with it so therefore i need to try to inflict emotional pain instead of facing my own misogyny
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my dad has given me 2 tasers and is preordering a package of napkins that detect date rape drugs in drinks.
as grateful as i am to have a father that understands that this world is not kind to women, i hope for a day when methods of self defense don’t need to be given as gifts
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its funny how provo residents think $500 rent is expensive
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I.H.O.B.
The “B” stands for Beatrice. Except I don’t like Beatrice. I just like “B” and that’s all.
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the guy who dm’d me calling me a cunt is an athlete at the university of michigan so i emailed screenshots to his coach 😂
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have several candles lit when you invite a boy over- he will think you are being romantic and have no idea you’re actually about to sacrifice him
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was watching Meet the Robinsons with a boy and told him I had a fat crush on Wilbur Robinson when i was a kid, and he was like “you had crushes on cartoons?” and i have never felt so retroactively self-conscious in my life
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Nobody Takes The Trauma of Me Being Raised in a Cult Seriously Because That Cult is the Predominant Religion Where I Live: a novel
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the provo hoe life account is weird as shit. you haven’t earned the right to call yourself a “hoe” by dry humping some returned missionary with a kids movie playing the the background. grow up, do what i did, and take your body count from 0 to double digits in 2 semesters. jesus.
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the byu honor code office is full of little bitches, but the good news is that their football team is too
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guys who feel the need to answer “are you LDS?” with “i mean *technically* yeah but like i drink and stuff so...”
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i feel like every ex mormon still has ~that one hymn~
mine is “Abide With Me, ‘tis Eventide”
i want to know yours
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is it bad that my default is to assume girls are bisexual? like... i’m more surprised when they DONT have crushes on other girls.???
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