Hua Cheng: you always use humor to deflect serious trauma.
Xie Lian: thank you
Hua Cheng: I didn't say that was a good thing
Xie Lian: what I'm hearing is you think I'm funny
Xie Lian: I think I can take the Crimson Rain Sought Flower
Heavenly Officials: haha in a fight, right?
Xie Lian:
Heavenly Officials: ... in a fight, right?
Xie Lian: San Lang, my dearest husband, what is this?
Hua Cheng, standing over a pentagram: Gege told me to satanize the floors?
Xie Lian: sanitize! I wrote sanitize!
Hua Cheng : Gege, look. I have a surprise for you
Xie Lian: really, San lang? What is it?
Hua Cheng: watch
[Hua cheng disperses into thousands of silver butterflies]
Xie Lian: SAN LANG-
Mu Qing: my husband and I have agreed to never go to bed angry at each other
Mu Qing: so, we've been awake since friday
Feng Xin: WELL IF SOMEONE WOULD JUST ADMIT THEY WERE WRONG-
Xie Lian: my hands are so cold
Hua Cheng: [holds his hands] better, Gege?
Xie Lian: ... my lips are cold, too
Feng Xin: oh no NOT IN FRONT OF MY FUCKING SALAD
Xie Lian: so, what's it like dating Mu Qing?
Feng Xin: I asked him for a water once while he was pissed at me, and he brought me a glass full of ice and said, "Wait."
Yin Yu: Chengzhu!-
Hua Cheng, whispering: shh, dianxia is sleeping
Yin Yu, whispering: oh sorry
Hua Cheng: what happened?
Yin Yu: Paradise Manor is on fire again
Yin Yu: why is Chengzhu crying on the floor?
He Xuan: he's drunk, and saw a picture of Dianxia's husband
Yin Yu: ... but he's Dianxia's husband?
He Xuan: I fucking know
Xie Lian: on a scale of 1 to 10, I'm a 9 because you're the one I need
Hua Cheng: you're a ten
Xie Lian: no, it's a pick-up lin-
Hua Cheng: Gege's a ten, end of discussion
Xie Lian: okay, it's Feng Xin’s turn to choose a game
Feng Xin: we're going to sit in a circle and be nice to each other
Mu Qing: what, that's a stupid game
Feng Xin: Mu Qing is already losing
Xie Lian: [removes Hua Cheng from his lap to go do something else]
Hua Cheng: Gege is... evil? Gege is unyielding? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the human realm as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household
[loud crash]
Hua Cheng: Gege? what was that?
Xie Lian, from the bathroom: … my robes fell
Hua Cheng: … but it sounded way louder than some robes?
Xie Lian: I was still in them
Xie Lian: I can't believe you and Mu Qing broke the bed last night!
Feng Xin: haha, yeah...
[last night]
Feng Xin: bet you can't jump high enough to reach the ceiling
Mu Qing: try me
Pei Ming: your armor looks great! Do you know where it'd look even better? On Feng Xin's floor
Feng Xin: did you just hit on Mu Qing for me?
Pei Ming: someone had to
Shi Qingxuan: your highness, you're so brave! you didn't even hesitate to throw yourself in danger!
Xie Lian: no need, no need! that's because I have no regard whatsoever for my personal safety
Hua Cheng: I have never been more stressed in my entire life
Xie Lian: San Lang, can I ask you a favour?
Hua Cheng: Your Highness I would literally die for you, please continue
Xie Lian: we have to talk about you starting sentences that way
Hua Cheng: yeah, Gege is cooking right now
Xie Lian, reading a recipe: “beat the eggs”
Xie Lian: in what? hand-to-hand combat? that sounds kinda mean
Feng Xin: GET HIM OUT OF THERE
Feng Xin: here's a fun christmas idea, we hang the mistletoe but instead of kissing you have to fight whoever is underneath
Mu Qing: Feng Xin no
Xie Lian: mistlefoe
Mu Qing: stop encouraging him!
Hua Cheng: oh my Gege you've lost a lot of bIood, what's your type?
Xie Lian, weakly: tall, broad, dresses in red, black hair, very handsome, sometimes responds to San Lang—
Hua Cheng: your bIood type
Xie Lian: oh
Xie Lian: red?
Hua Cheng: I like your hanfu
Xie Lian: thanks, it was 50% off
Hua Cheng: I’d like it to be 100% off
Xie Lian: the store can’t just sell free stuff
Hua Cheng: no that’s not wh-
Xie Lian: San Lang, that’s a terrible way to run a business
“the Venerable of Empty Words is a terrible ghost that would haunt one person, shouting out curses until its host becomes insane and it’s driven to suicide”
Xie Lian:
Hua Cheng: this cookie is too sweet, and it’s not even fully baked. If I had to rate this, I would give it three points—
Xie Lian: I made it myself
Hua Cheng: out of three points
Feng Xin: I sleep with my bow under my pillow
Mu Qing: weak, I sleep with a sword
Xie Lian: you're both pathetic
Mu Qing: oh? What do you sleep with?
Xie Lian: San Lang
Kidnappers: we have your kid
Yin Yu: huh?
Kidnappers: he's been picking up fights for an hour
Yin Yu: oh, my shidi.. you can keep him
Kidnappers: no please
Hua Cheng: we should play I spy
Xie Lian: oh yeah!! You go first tho
Hua Cheng: ok umm.. I spy with my little eye, something white
Xie Lian: my robes
Hua Cheng: [looking at Bai Wuxiang from across the cave] keep guessing
Hua Cheng: I waited for 800 years, beat up 33 heavenly officials, even died multiple times for him
Hua Cheng: and he still goes
Xie Lian: do you still love me?
Qi Rong: if a stranger comes up to you and says "I'm your dad's friend, he told me to pick you up" what do you say?
Gu Zi: I will say "you are lying, my dad has no friends"
Qi Rong:
Xie Lian: the first time I met Qi Ying, he gave me gold bars. It wasn't necessary and no one asked for them, but he still did!
Quan Yizhen: I thought he was homeless
Pei Ming: I've decided I'm planning a wedding
Shi Qingxuan: whose?
Pei Ming: Dianxia and Crimson Rain's
Shi Qingxuan: they're engaged?!
Pei Ming: they will be.
Xie Lian: so, how was the honeymoon?
Feng Xin: A-Qing got drunk and tried to set our marriage certificate on fire
Feng Xin: he said 'good luck trying to return me without the receipt'
Feng Xin: there are three ways to do things — the right way, the wrong way, and the Dianxia way
Mu Qing: isn’t that the wrong way?
Feng Xin: yes, but faster
He Xuan: I lied, I don't actually like sex. Put your clothes back on
Shi Qingxuan, visibly confused: huh??
He Xuan, grabbing a book: I'm going to explain all marine organisms to you
Hua Cheng: [lets Xie Lian beat him at arm wrestling] aw, darn it! you won!
Mu Qing, slamming Feng Xin's hand down at full force: DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET?! DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU MESS WITH THE WARRIOR?!