I want to lick Carrie Underwood’s box and hope my tongue gets stuck on her clit like that kids tongue got stuck to the pole in a Christmas Story.

Christmas lights & decorations are up at Casa de Evil Tebow. I wanna invite Carrie Underwood over & get her under my mistletoe. But instead of kissing her I’m gonna shove my face in her plump ass & eat that butt like it owes me money. #TisTheSeason

Been in rehab for 5 weeks Can’t wait to come home & stuff Carrie Underwood’s turkey this week. Salivating thinking ‘bout eating her cranberry sauce & dripping Grammy’s gravy all over Carrie’s supple titties. Hell, I’ll even let my bro Timmy watch from a cuck chair.

I wanna dress as Mike Meyers and chase Carrie Underwood around my house. But instead of a knife I’ll have a giant green dildo on a stick. And everytime I catch her I’ll murder her hatchet wound with my green goblin.

I wanna Tomahawk chop Carrie Underwood’s cooter with my tongue in the Chiefs suite while their owner’s hot daughter fingers her bean wearing an Indian headdress

I wanna table jump onto a fully nude Carrie Underwood in front of #BillsMafia. I’m talking full boner, landing inside her snapper as Bills fans spray us with ketchup and mustard. #LifeGoals

I’d love to pound Carrie Underwood’s Dallas Star in Jerry Jones’ owner suite while his GILF daughter Charlotte flicks her bean in the corner watching.

I’d like to unload my Pumpkin Spice latte all over Carrie Underwood’s buttcheeks in a Starbucks bathroom. Then as I exit I’ll look the blue haired barista named Destiny in the eye and say “they/them’s” dong left a massive load in the bathroom.

I’d like to jerk off in the open end of that Minnesota Vikings horn. And when Carrie Underwood blows on it for the SKOL chant she’ll take an Evil Tebow load to the face.

I’d like to take Carrie Underwood to a Nashville HS football game. In the middle of the third quarter I’ll take her underneath the bleachers for an old school HS fingerbang sesh. Then I’ll high five the winning teams QB and say “smell ya fingers champ!” and point to Carrie.

The marriage isn’t official until she pegs him on their wedding night.

Not a bloody white suit. Whatever happened to that thing?

Thought Ozempic made u not want roast beef?

Pearl Harbor 2

It’d be even more memorable if he was leveled at the 1 yd line.

🍆💦

I really need to eat Carrie Underwood’s ass before the world ends

How about 1 Silverback Gorilla vs 100 retards?

You think he smashed?

Gay