RT @IQuitWriting: THE CARS ON FIRE & THERES NO DRIVER AT THE WHEEL & THE SEWERS ARE ALL MUDDLED WITH A THOUSAND LONELY SUICIDES & THE DARK….

Is there a Venn Diagram for people who are aware of Texas High School Homecoming Culture and the films of A24? Because:. Mumsommar.

RT @IQuitWriting: The ‘AR’ in ‘AR-15’ doesn’t stand for ‘assault rifle’, it stands for ‘ARe you sure you need a fucking gun like this?! It’….

I’m super excited for Oasis fans, but let’s not forget everyone that was excited to see the Fugees in 2022. And in 2024. Oasis feels, I don’t know, similar? Let’s guard our hearts, gentle ones.

I made this in October 2020. It’s less funny now, but way more accurate.

One skill I have improved Post-Beryl is that I can now piss in the dark with a 63% to 82% rate of accuracy. Pissing standing up, however, the percentage is considerably lower.

I don’t know about you, but I really feel let down the latest Cicada Horde. Orcas can only do so much.

Dads: they’re good and/or bad, right?!.

Let me say this real quick then I’ll go: .DAVID FOSTER EILISH. Thank you, sorry.

I mean, the eclipse was nice, but it felt more like Celestial Drama and I should’ve really been minding my own business.

I know I should’ve caught on sooner because we all know fascists prefer Pepsi. Honest mistake on my part.

I almost complimented a man’s “Share a Round with Antifa” shirt. HEAR ME OUT. It was a Coca-Cola parody, so I thought it meant “Have a Coke with Antifa!”, which sounds pleasant, but then I realized it meant “Shoot a Person with a Bullet” and I was, like, “Woah there, Fascist!”.

This is my official application to Mad Magazine ten years ago.

Always nice to find another Merval Avinger fan in the wild; lots of talk about Hot Guy, Thore, Ron Man, Holk, the Craptain, and Sad Wife was had. EXCELSPREADSHEET!

Shit-talking hits different when one is concurrently perpetuating war crimes, but go off, Pop-pop.

I think Spotify’s Daylist feature is a pretty good alternative to the regular Daily Mixes, as far as diversifying my playlists, but this is a bold move, robot.

I went to an awards ceremony at my daughter’s school and there was a second grader named ‘Linda’. Isn’t that wild?.

“I’m going to toast myself tomorrow.”

A Savior is Born.

CHRISTMAS SHOPPING: DONE.