Someday someone will be the last person to ever think about you and you will ultimately cease to exist. It’s been swell. Be nice to each other. Bye.

CX: Im a business customer and I refuse to wait for a repair. I’ll pay anything to have it expedited…and by pay anything I mean nothing and I’ll yell at the top of my man child lungs until I get what I want. Business leads.

Once upon a store meeting… SL: think about what makes you happy in life… My brain: not working here SL: and then apply that to your every day life… My brain: ok, fuck this job Fucker was a mind reader

That mugshot though…

Some people, at the fruit stand, behave as though the CEO will magically appear and thank them for all their efforts. When in reality, even the SL doesn’t give a fuck about what you do.

Fruit stand managers at the end of every shift. MGR: thanks to you all, we made M$$$$ which means we’ve smashed our targets! Fruit stand managers during annual review. MGR: yeah, we haven’t made any money so, fuck you, here’s a T-shirt with pit stains. You’re welcome.

On rare occasions, you would meet a CX who was so rude and abusive, there would be a case note from an AppleCare manager that this person was not to be given any service options. Of course, they’d continue their abusive behaviour in store where MGR would bend over backwards.

Good customer service should not come at the cost of an employee’s physical and mental well-being.

It’s funny because it’s true.

Every day, at the fruit stand… CX: I dropped my phone in THIS store, so you should cover it under warranty Same CX, at the car dealer. CX: I dented my car in YOUR dealership, so…

CX: I don’t understand how the phone screen broke! It was in a case! Me: do you have the case with you? CX: no! Me: ok, instead of yelling at me, maybe contact the manufacturer and let them know that the case didn’t provide sufficient protection PS, fuck off.

CX: why do they call it a bar? Do you sell alcohol? Hawr hawr hawr! No, think of it more like a bar where you lower the standards which need to be met in order to qualify something as a joke. My brain: please be liquid damage

Day 1 of the iPhone 15 launch CX: when is the new iPhone released? PZ: today! Yay! *corporate forced high five from a grown ass adult* CX: no, I mean the new new iPhone. The 16. You can’t make this shit up.

CX hands me a phone CX: I dropped my phone in the toilet, but it’s ok, the water was clean Me: sorry, I can’t help you with this CX, insulted Me: if I sold you a donut, dropped it on the floor, licked it clean and gave it back, would you eat it? The answer is, fuck off.

CX: I don’t understand why I have to pay? My phone is faulty. Me: it’s bent, wet and in pieces CX: This is absurd! Outrageous even! I treat this phone like my child! Also CX:

Every day, at the fruit stand, is a constant reminder of how you’re the lowest common denominator in the company.

If there wasn’t such a high level monetary reward for screwing over employees, the fruit stand would probably be a decent place to work.

SL: thanks for all your hard work, the store hasn’t made any money this year and this will reflect in your pay increase. Starts singing Hakuna Matata.

SL: I’m just like the rest of you. I put pants on one leg at a time. Sure, they’re $1000 pants, but you know, same same, fuck you.

CX: my iCloud has been hacked! I thought iCloud was supposed to be secure! Me: have you recently responded to any suspicious emails? CX: do I look like an idiot to you? I only respond to legitimate emails! Actual email.