Today is my 40th birthday. Here are all the things that I know at 40 which I wish I knew at 20.
Starting with…
1. Your relationship with others is a direct reflection of your relationship with yourself. If you treat yourself poorly, then you will unconsciously seek out and…
The person you marry is the person you fight with. The house you buy is the house you repair. The dream job you take is the job you stress over. Everything comes with an inherent sacrifice—whatever makes us feel good will also inevitably make us feel bad.
Andrew Tate is what men with no self-esteem think high self-esteem looks like. As a rule, narcissism is always mistaken for confidence by those who have no confidence. From there, it doesn't take much for the dynamic to turn abusive/exploitative.
Choosing a romantic partner isn’t just about the romance—you’re also choosing a confidant, counselor, career advisor, therapist, investor, teacher, travel buddy, roommate, best friend, and business partner.
Choose wisely.
The older I get, the more I realize that success at most things isn't about finding the one trick or secret nobody knows about.
It's consistently doing the boring, mundane things everyone knows about but is too unfocused/undisciplined to do.
Get good at boring.
The person you marry is the person you fight with. The house you buy is the house you repair. The dream job you take is the job you stress over. Everything comes with an inherent sacrifice — whatever makes us feel good will also inevitably make us feel bad.
All growth requires loss. A loss of your old values, your old behaviors, your old loves, your old identity. Therefore, growth sometimes has a component of grief to it.
The person you marry is the person you fight with. The house you buy is the house you repair. The dream job you take is the job you stress over. Everything comes with an inherent sacrifice — whatever makes us feel good will also inevitably make us feel bad.
Sorry to interrupt your scrolling but this is just a friendly reminder that your time on this earth is extremely limited and everyone you love is going to die one day so maybe you should put the fucking phone away and go do something meaningful.
Three questions determine 99% of the happiness in your life:
1. What am I working on and why?
2. Who am I spending time with and why?
3. How well am I treating my body and why?
Everything else is noise.
It's a simple fact of life: if you want to do something incredible, something that makes you stand out above the rest, then you have to become comfortable being different—that means being misunderstood, criticized, even hated.
The best revenge is to simply improve yourself so much that the person regrets whatever they did to you without you ever having to say a word—to become so good that the idea of revenge feels like a waste of your time.
Cut the crap.
Literally, cut the unnecessary distractions out of your life—delete apps, unfriend and unfollow toxic people, stop committing to activities you don't care about. Life is too short.
Unless you are being emotionally rewarded for something, you'll eventually stop doing it, no matter how much willpower you have. To stick to a new positive behavior, you must find a way to make it fun, exciting or emotionally valuable in another way.
A person's potential for success is likely proportional to:
- Their willingness to embarrass themselves in front of others
- Their ability to have difficult conversations
- Their understanding of their own limitations
All growth requires loss. A loss of your old values, your old behaviors, your old loves, your old identity. Therefore, growth sometimes has a component of grief to it.
The older I get, the more I realize that success at most things isn't about finding the one trick or secret nobody knows about.
It's consistently doing the boring, mundane things everyone knows about but is too unfocused/undisciplined to do.
Get good at boring.
Procrastination is merely the avoidance of unpleasant emotions. Get comfortable with unpleasant emotions and the issue of procrastination takes care of itself.
You have a limited amount of fucks to give. Very few, in fact. And if you go around giving a fuck about everything and everyone without conscious thought or choice—well, then you're going to get fucked.
No one is going to stand up at your funeral and say:
"He fucked like a wildebeest and had the best golf swing I've ever seen."
Life is about loving people, not impressing them.
One day, you and everyone you know will die. And beyond a small group of people for an extremely brief period of time, little of what you say or do will ever matter.
This is not depressing—rather, it is liberating. There is no excuse to not be who you wish to be, to not love who…
Nobody else is responsible for your life but you. Many people may be at fault for your pain and unhappiness. But no one else is responsible for digging you out of that pain or unhappiness.
Happiness requires struggle. Without struggle, the world would lack meaning and our joys would feel empty. Be grateful for your struggles, because within them is the constant opportunity for purpose.
Six habits that will change your life:
1. Exercise
2. Cooking
3. Meditation
4. Reading
5. Writing
6. Socializing
I know, what a boring fucking list. But that's the thing: most of life is boring. If you want to change it, make boring changes.
4 Harsh Truths About Life
1. The less you force relationships, the stronger they are.
2. You’re not supposed to accomplish all your goals.
3. No one actually knows what the hell they’re doing.
4. The world doesn’t give a shit about you unless you give it a reason to.
Improving your life is not complicated, you just repeat small, simple behaviors over a long period of time.
- Sleep
- Exercise
- Don’t eat garbage
- Talk to a friend
- Be productive for a few hours
- Repeat every day for years and years
It's simple. Not easy.
People love to bitch and moan that they don’t have enough time. In most cases, I’ve found that it’s rarely a problem of time, but usually a problem of priorities.
All growth requires loss. A loss of your old values, your old behaviors, your old loves, your old identity. Therefore, growth sometimes has a component of grief to it.
4 Harsh Truths About Life:
1. The less you force relationships, the stronger they are.
2. You’re not supposed to accomplish all your goals.
3. No one actually knows what the hell they’re doing.
4. The world doesn’t give a shit about you unless you give it a reason to.
Learn to go first. Introduce yourself. Ask them out. Host the event. Voice an idea. Tell people what you want. You’ll face more rejections when things go wrong, but you’ll get all of the credit when things go right. The world rewards those who go first because so few people do.
The easiest way to start is to start small.
- Run 100 meters
- Meditate for one minute
- Write one paragraph
- Skip one dessert
- Read one page
Then challenge yourself to do more. You'll find that doing something small often motivates you to do more and keep going.
80% of your happiness and well-being is determined by three questions:
- How much did you sleep?
- How well did you eat?
- Who did you surround yourself with?
Get those three right and almost everything else will fall into place.
Changing and improving your life requires you to destroy a part of yourself and replace it with a newer, better version. Growth is therefore, by definition, painful to some degree.
Improving your life is not complicated, you just repeat small, simple behaviors over a long period of time.
- Sleep
- Exercise
- Don’t eat garbage
- Talk to a friend
- Be productive for a few hours
- Repeat every day for years and years
It's simple. Not easy.
Five Ways to Be More Productive Each Day:
1. Better sleep—no caffeine, alcohol, sugar before bed
2. Wake up earlier—see: birds and worms, etc.
3. Do your most important task first thing
4. No email, texting, social media until after lunch
5. Get up and go for a walk
A good life is largely defined by what's missing:
- The fights that don't happen
- The health problems you don't have
- The debt you avoid
- The desires you don't indulge
A good life's not about gaining. It's about letting go.
One of my favorite experiences is when I come across an idea that fundamentally alters nearly everything else I believe to be true.
What idea has done that for you?
Six Habits That Will Change Your Life:
1. Exercise
2. Cooking
3. Meditation
4. Reading
5. Writing
6. Socializing
I know, what a boring fucking list. But that's the thing: most of life is boring. If you want to change it, make boring changes.
No one is coming to save you. No one is going to fix all your problems. No one is going to make you a better person.
You are. But only if you choose to.
Competence is how good you are when there is something to gain. Character is how good you are when there is nothing to gain.
People will reward you for competence. But people will only love you for your character.
All growth requires loss. A loss of your old values, your own behaviors, your old loves, your old identity. Therefore, growth sometimes has a component of grief to it.
1/ THINGS I WISH I KNEW SOONER:
1. People aren't thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are
2. Blame is a mostly-useless concept
3. The quality of your relationships dictates the quality of your life
4. Nothing meaningful in life is easy; nothing easy is meaningful