Mark Manson
@IAmMarkManson
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3x #1 New York Times Bestselling Author. More than 20 million books sold in 75 languages. Life advice without the fluff or BS.
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Joined October 2011
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Today is my 40th birthday. Here are all the things that I know at 40 which I wish I knew at 20.
Starting with…
1. Your relationship with others is a direct reflection of your relationship with yourself. If you treat yourself poorly, then you will unconsciously seek out and…
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The person you marry is the person you fight with. The house you buy is the house you repair. The dream job you take is the job you stress over. Everything comes with an inherent sacrifice—whatever makes us feel good will also inevitably make us feel bad.
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Unpopular opinion: social media hasn't ruined us—it's just revealed how awful we always were.
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Andrew Tate is what men with no self-esteem think high self-esteem looks like. As a rule, narcissism is always mistaken for confidence by those who have no confidence. From there, it doesn't take much for the dynamic to turn abusive/exploitative.
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Read books because you will never be able to meet and spend uninterrupted time with the thoughts of so many brilliant and unique people.
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Choosing a romantic partner isn’t just about the romance—you’re also choosing a confidant, counselor, career advisor, therapist, investor, teacher, travel buddy, roommate, best friend, and business partner.
Choose wisely.
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The older I get, the more I realize that success at most things isn't about finding the one trick or secret nobody knows about.
It's consistently doing the boring, mundane things everyone knows about but is too unfocused/undisciplined to do.
Get good at boring.
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The person you marry is the person you fight with. The house you buy is the house you repair. The dream job you take is the job you stress over. Everything comes with an inherent sacrifice — whatever makes us feel good will also inevitably make us feel bad.
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All growth requires loss. A loss of your old values, your old behaviors, your old loves, your old identity. Therefore, growth sometimes has a component of grief to it.
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Learning more is a smart person’s favorite way to procrastinate.
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Biggest lesson of 2021: Nobody knows what the fuck is going to happen, so practice some humility.
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The person you marry is the person you fight with. The house you buy is the house you repair. The dream job you take is the job you stress over. Everything comes with an inherent sacrifice — whatever makes us feel good will also inevitably make us feel bad.
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At least 90% of our perceived problems magically go away after a good night's sleep, a healthy day of eating, and a nice walk outside.
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Sorry to interrupt your scrolling but this is just a friendly reminder that your time on this earth is extremely limited and everyone you love is going to die one day so maybe you should put the fucking phone away and go do something meaningful.
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Why is it so hard to make friends as an adult?
Because everyone worth knowing has something better to do.
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Three questions determine 99% of the happiness in your life:
1. What am I working on and why?
2. Who am I spending time with and why?
3. How well am I treating my body and why?
Everything else is noise.
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Maturity is when you discover that the best parties in the world won’t make you as happy as going to bed by 10:30 on a Friday night.
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It's a simple fact of life: if you want to do something incredible, something that makes you stand out above the rest, then you have to become comfortable being different—that means being misunderstood, criticized, even hated.
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You don’t build psychological resilience by feeling good all the time. You build psychological resilience by getting better at feeling bad.
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Maturity is the ability to prioritize values before feelings.
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The best revenge is to simply improve yourself so much that the person regrets whatever they did to you without you ever having to say a word—to become so good that the idea of revenge feels like a waste of your time.
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Cut the crap.
Literally, cut the unnecessary distractions out of your life—delete apps, unfriend and unfollow toxic people, stop committing to activities you don't care about. Life is too short.
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Unless you are being emotionally rewarded for something, you'll eventually stop doing it, no matter how much willpower you have. To stick to a new positive behavior, you must find a way to make it fun, exciting or emotionally valuable in another way.
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“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”
– Rumi
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We believe we don't have enough time when really we don't have enough focus.
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Apparently the secret to becoming a morning person is to just get old.
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Accept this: You don't have to prove anything to anybody, ever. Including yourself.
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A person's potential for success is likely proportional to:
- Their willingness to embarrass themselves in front of others
- Their ability to have difficult conversations
- Their understanding of their own limitations
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All growth requires loss. A loss of your old values, your old behaviors, your old loves, your old identity. Therefore, growth sometimes has a component of grief to it.
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The only scarcity in life is time. The scarcity of anything else is merely a function of how we spend our time.
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We believe we don't have enough time when really we don't have enough focus.
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“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” - Friedrich Nietzsche
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Always assume you don't completely understand something. It will foster humility and create more opportunities to learn.
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Unpopular opinion: social media hasn't ruined us—it's just revealed how awful we always were.
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The older I get, the more I realize that success at most things isn't about finding the one trick or secret nobody knows about.
It's consistently doing the boring, mundane things everyone knows about but is too unfocused/undisciplined to do.
Get good at boring.
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Happiness comes from progress. Therefore, happiness requires struggle.
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Procrastination is merely the avoidance of unpleasant emotions. Get comfortable with unpleasant emotions and the issue of procrastination takes care of itself.
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Fuck your morning routine, success is mostly just a combination of pain tolerance and willingness to implement feedback.
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Read books because you will never be able to meet and spend uninterrupted time with the thoughts of so many brilliant and unique people.
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You have a limited amount of fucks to give. Very few, in fact. And if you go around giving a fuck about everything and everyone without conscious thought or choice—well, then you're going to get fucked.
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No one is going to stand up at your funeral and say:
"He fucked like a wildebeest and had the best golf swing I've ever seen."
Life is about loving people, not impressing them.
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One day, you and everyone you know will die. And beyond a small group of people for an extremely brief period of time, little of what you say or do will ever matter.
This is not depressing—rather, it is liberating. There is no excuse to not be who you wish to be, to not love who…
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We made it into Congress fam.
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Read books because you will never be able to meet and spend uninterrupted time with the thoughts of so many brilliant and unique people.
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Nobody else is responsible for your life but you. Many people may be at fault for your pain and unhappiness. But no one else is responsible for digging you out of that pain or unhappiness.
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Happiness requires struggle. Without struggle, the world would lack meaning and our joys would feel empty. Be grateful for your struggles, because within them is the constant opportunity for purpose.
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If you could go back and talk to your 18 year old self, what would you tell him/her?
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Your relationships with others are merely reflections of your relationship with yourself.
Get right with yourself; get right with the world.
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Six habits that will change your life:
1. Exercise
2. Cooking
3. Meditation
4. Reading
5. Writing
6. Socializing
I know, what a boring fucking list. But that's the thing: most of life is boring. If you want to change it, make boring changes.
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The only way to be truly confident in yourself is to become comfortable with what you lack.
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4 Harsh Truths About Life
1. The less you force relationships, the stronger they are.
2. You’re not supposed to accomplish all your goals.
3. No one actually knows what the hell they’re doing.
4. The world doesn’t give a shit about you unless you give it a reason to.
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At least 90% of our perceived problems magically go away after a good night's sleep, a healthy day of eating, and a nice walk outside.
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Improving your life is not complicated, you just repeat small, simple behaviors over a long period of time.
- Sleep
- Exercise
- Don’t eat garbage
- Talk to a friend
- Be productive for a few hours
- Repeat every day for years and years
It's simple. Not easy.
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People love to bitch and moan that they don’t have enough time. In most cases, I’ve found that it’s rarely a problem of time, but usually a problem of priorities.
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Instead of focusing on being the best, just focus on being slightly better each and every day.
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If you're afraid that establishing a boundary with someone will upset them, that's usually proof that the boundary needs to be established.
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All growth requires loss. A loss of your old values, your old behaviors, your old loves, your old identity. Therefore, growth sometimes has a component of grief to it.
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One of the most beneficial traits in both relationships and life: being nearly impossible to offend.
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4 Harsh Truths About Life:
1. The less you force relationships, the stronger they are.
2. You’re not supposed to accomplish all your goals.
3. No one actually knows what the hell they’re doing.
4. The world doesn’t give a shit about you unless you give it a reason to.
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Learn to go first. Introduce yourself. Ask them out. Host the event. Voice an idea. Tell people what you want. You’ll face more rejections when things go wrong, but you’ll get all of the credit when things go right. The world rewards those who go first because so few people do.
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The easiest way to start is to start small.
- Run 100 meters
- Meditate for one minute
- Write one paragraph
- Skip one dessert
- Read one page
Then challenge yourself to do more. You'll find that doing something small often motivates you to do more and keep going.
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You must develop the ability to be disliked in order to free yourself from the prison of other peoples’ opinions.
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The quickest way to mediocrity is to try to make everyone happy, all of the time.
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What You Can Never Change
1. The past
2. The world
3. Other people
What You Can Always Change
1. Your attitude
2. Your assumptions
3. Your beliefs
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Mornings are to make progress on the hard problems.
Afternoons are to deal with the easy problems.
Evenings are to chill out with no problems.
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80% of your happiness and well-being is determined by three questions:
- How much did you sleep?
- How well did you eat?
- Who did you surround yourself with?
Get those three right and almost everything else will fall into place.
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Changing and improving your life requires you to destroy a part of yourself and replace it with a newer, better version. Growth is therefore, by definition, painful to some degree.
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Improving your life is not complicated, you just repeat small, simple behaviors over a long period of time.
- Sleep
- Exercise
- Don’t eat garbage
- Talk to a friend
- Be productive for a few hours
- Repeat every day for years and years
It's simple. Not easy.
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Life is simple, find three things you love:
1. One to make money
2. One to do with friends
3. One to do for yourself
Done.
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Discipline is conditioning your brain to not give a shit if it sucks, if it’s hard, or if it hurts.
If it needs to get done, it gets done.
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Five Ways to Be More Productive Each Day:
1. Better sleep—no caffeine, alcohol, sugar before bed
2. Wake up earlier—see: birds and worms, etc.
3. Do your most important task first thing
4. No email, texting, social media until after lunch
5. Get up and go for a walk
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"The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts." - Marcus Aurelius
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You will attract people of similar emotional maturity into your life. You will repel those who are more mature and be repelled by those who are less.
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Before you win, everyone will ask you why you’re working so hard.
After you win, the same people will tell you how lucky you are.
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Maturity is when you discover that the best parties in the world won’t make you as happy as going to bed by 10:30 on a Friday night.
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A good life is largely defined by what's missing:
- The fights that don't happen
- The health problems you don't have
- The debt you avoid
- The desires you don't indulge
A good life's not about gaining. It's about letting go.
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When you choose what to watch or read, you are choosing your future thoughts and perspectives. Only consume what you’d like to become.
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One of my favorite experiences is when I come across an idea that fundamentally alters nearly everything else I believe to be true.
What idea has done that for you?
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“I was waiting for something extraordinary to happen, but as the years wasted on, nothing ever did unless I caused it.”
– Charles Bukowski
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Beware: The constant desire to improve yourself can itself become a subtle form of addiction.
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“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” - Maya Angelou
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High amounts of confidence in low amounts of information is a recipe for disaster.
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Six Habits That Will Change Your Life:
1. Exercise
2. Cooking
3. Meditation
4. Reading
5. Writing
6. Socializing
I know, what a boring fucking list. But that's the thing: most of life is boring. If you want to change it, make boring changes.
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Repeat after me:
"I will stop investing time and energy in people who do not invest time and energy in me."
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No one is coming to save you. No one is going to fix all your problems. No one is going to make you a better person.
You are. But only if you choose to.
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Competence is how good you are when there is something to gain. Character is how good you are when there is nothing to gain.
People will reward you for competence. But people will only love you for your character.
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Hope for the best.
Prepare for the worst.
Expect nothing.
Savor everything.
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All growth requires loss. A loss of your old values, your own behaviors, your old loves, your old identity. Therefore, growth sometimes has a component of grief to it.
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“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” ― Leo Tolstoy
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1/ THINGS I WISH I KNEW SOONER:
1. People aren't thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are
2. Blame is a mostly-useless concept
3. The quality of your relationships dictates the quality of your life
4. Nothing meaningful in life is easy; nothing easy is meaningful
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Don't wish for it to be easier; wish for you to be better.
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