New from @ComedyRecords: HUNTER COLLINS IS NOT AFRAID OF YOU! Comedy that puts its hand in the starving rat cage! If you bust nuts, if you get crunk, if you eat the banana -skin and all- THIS IS THE ALBUM FOR YOU! Linktree here: https://t.co/ZhWuhyLpPG

https://t.co/78DDdmYjLa

These guys’ careers span from my last year at Humber College, to a failed music career, a successful comedy career, 5 relationships, 10 apartments, the birth of my son, 3 Cups, and I probably leaned 63 new recipes. I grew up alongside them. Maybe I’m too old for my job too.

Assuming it's true so I can keep crying onto my guns.

Got questioned at the border flying back to Canada the other day and had the insane experience of a boomer Quebecois lady pulling up my channel, seeing an ad play, and asking if I made this MasterCard commercial

I still think it should be spelled “Porchoogle”.

Always the bukkak-EE, never the bukkak-ER…

Bush did 4-11.

For instant schadenfreude, ask any comedian, “Hey what happened to that podcast you did 5 episodes of and then never again since?”

I’ve never seen a vampire be repelled by a crucifix, but I HAVE offered a Czech person fresh kale.

My toxic trait is believing you should fix your toxic trait instead of giving it a label to mask how you’re an unaccountable asshole.

80s horror movies always featured punk gangs that would never exist in real life. Like 2 Nicaraguan twins wearing 90 bandanas each, a Chinese guy with a switchblade named Scuzz and a baby in a wheelchair and they’re all, “This territory belongs to the Marshmallow Gang…”

You guys watch - they’ll lift Hulk Hogan’s arm three times and on the third try it’ll start shaking triumphantly.

Got my dick removed so I can suck my own ribs.

My new favorite bit is telling guys with facial tear tattoos that they must have fallen asleep while their friends drew tears on their face to make them look like a pussy.

Me doing the thigh cruncher machine at the gym, listening to Hells Bells, wearing a Dennis Rodman jersey: “Is this gender bending?”

Weird noises coming from the storm clouds above Brno yesterday.

There’s no such thing as bad press.

Imagine how much water Jagmeet drank during the end scene from E.T.

Did the ol’ Irish goodbye last night. (Said goodbye to everybody and then got racist-hammered)