“I can't stand in line at the store The mean little people are such a bore But it's all right if you act like a turd 'Cause I like Birds” - Mark O. Everett

I hear Cinnabon is having a special on the double bird.

Hey Europe, why don’t you really tell us how you feel?

Boycotting Cinnabon is easy because I haven’t been to a mall in years.

You disappoint me once again.

When you’ve seen one 𝕏 you’ve seen them all.

I love Texas, but I shouldn’t have to treat my mountain laurel for caterpillars in December.

That’s one way to stay a virgin, Mary.

I just learned that every AI query uses as much energy as the average U.S. household does in a day. This means my profile picture uses more energy than the average third worlder does in a lifetime.

My wife bought this couch a week ago. All of the animals have claimed it as their own already.

When does it start making sense?

North Pole update: Santa has ordered his elves to stop making toys, and to switch all production to tractor supply spears.

Good news, kids. Santa is no longer giving out coal. He needs it to power his massive AI data center at the North Pole.

Any experts out there who can tell me if this would be an effective tool during a zombie apocalypse?

I like to watch old movies that I haven’t seen or have completely forgotten about. Today I watched “Rear Window.” Something always stands out to me. In this one, it was James Stewart’s healthcare plan. His insurance sends a nurse to his apartment daily to feed him and give

The older I get, the more I understand Mad Max. I just want to move to the wasteland and tinker with an Interceptor you can fix using basic tools, then occasionally topple a tyrannical dictator and disappear for a few years until I stumble upon the next one.

I think about bacon more than I think about the Roman Empire.

Now when I get 3 likes on a post, it’s even more depressing. With locations enabled, I can see two are from Nigerian bots and the third is from your mom.

I wish I could travel like when I was a toddler: just fall asleep in the car and wake up at my destination.

The locations are turned back on. You can now find out that girl you’ve been simping for on 𝕏 is actually a dude in India.