Jessica McCabe
@HowtoADHD
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Building a toolbox of techniques for tackling ADHD. Learn to work with your brain, not against it 🙃 she/her
Seattle, WA
Joined September 2015
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Hello Brains! I'm so excited -- baby is coming Feb 29th!!! How to ADHD will still be posting, but our lovely community manager Harley (they/them) will be taking over so I have time to heal -- and bond. Look for updates about the baby, ADHD content, & probably some cat videos.
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I accidentally relaxed too much and now I don’t have enough anxiety to get stuff done.
#ADHD
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ADHDers often feel like we “should” be able to do something because ✨ we’ve done it before ✨ or that our difficulty with focus/productivity isn’t a real disability b/c sometimes we can do it just fine.
GUYS. LADIES. GENTLETHEMS.
THAT IS THE DISABILITY.
The INCONSISTENCY.
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It is far past time for stigma about ADHD stimulants to subside.
They are:
✨not addictive when taken as prescribed
✨highly effective for most w/ADHD w/minimal side effects
✨out of our system quickly
✨stimulants. Like…caffeine. They don’t get us high, they help us work.
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Me: Did you know adults are supposed to be able to plan for events 8-12 weeks out? I don’t even know what 12 weeks from now IS!
Boyfriend: Christmas.
Me: ………no. Christmas doesn’t exist yet.
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So. Um. For those of you who have evolved your look from "young adult" -- wearing the same clothes and hairstyle as when you were 20 -- to "grown ass woman" -- how do you like...do that? I feel like I missed a memo.
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For those who think
#ADHD
isn’t a big deal—I just melted down crying trying to open mail & pay bills before my meds kicked in. My ADHD has hurt my credit, GPA, relationships, career, & mental & physical health. The symptoms might not seem “that bad” but the way they affect us is.
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One of the more interesting aspects of ADHD is shorter time horizons. Things feel like they’re either “now” or “not now” & if they’re “not now,” they don’t exist.
Deadlines don’t feel real until they’re almost on top of us, which can make it hard to kick ourselves into gear…
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Quick reminder:
Neurodivergent children ✨ do not ✨ hit developmental milestones at the same time as their neurotypical peers.
We’re on our own timeline. Give us a few years.
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I tend to overexplain because (as a woman with ADHD) I’m used to either not communicating clearly or not being heard.
But overexplaining can overwhelm some ppl.
A simple hack: if I’m overexplaining something, let me know you got it & then repeat it back to me to make sure
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Implementing strategies to support executive function *also requires executive function.*
So as lovely as it is to suggest making lists to someone with ADHD, they’ve probably made lists. They’ve lost them. Or they weren’t sure how to prioritize them.
🧵 (1/3)
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Step 1: get excited
Step 2: overcommit
Step 3: get overwhelmed
Step 4: melt down
Step 5: get through it
Step 6: forget how hard it was
Step 7: repeat all of this forever
...just me? 🤣
#ADHD
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How to use systems:
#ADHD
edition
1) get excited about system
2) set system up instead of doing whatever it is you’d planned on doing
3) use it for 3 days
4) recommend to everyone you know
5) get busy
6) abandon system
7) feel guilty about abandoning system & avoid forever
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Signs you’re overextended & need to take care of yourself for a bit:
—You‘re more emotionally reactive than usual. Irritable, quick to tears, quick to frustration.
—Your ability to transition is worse than usual. You can’t start or can’t stop
—You won’t leave your blanket fort
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Does anyone here know how to relax?
Like…intentionally?
…and not immediately get bored and start a new project?
#ADHD
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Some days I wonder if I really *need* my meds. And then I go a few days without them and have 2 meltdowns, walk away from the tea I just heated *3 times*, play video games for days until I manage to wrestle myself into productivity and then drop and shatter my phone.
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Why reminders don’t work for us — thread:
The more often those of us with
#ADHD
are reminded to do something we don’t know how to do,
or at a time when we can’t do it,
the more we get used to ignoring those reminders,
until at some point they’re no longer effective.
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This has saved my butt this week. 4/5 days I woke up and went “wait…did I take my meds???” And the bottle TOLD ME 😁
#ADHD
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Emotional dysregulation is common in
#ADHD
. So is emotional impulsivity, due to impaired response inhibition.
Stimuli happens, we respond. No pause in which to consider if it’s a good idea.
What this means is we react with raw emotion.
This is why we need help w/our brakes.
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Don’t believe someone with
#ADHD
really struggles with executive function challenges? Rearrange all their stuff.
I just moved and am *trying* to unpack, but really I’ve been walking around in confused circles for most of the day.
Not all disabilities are visible.
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For those dealing w/grief today… it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to miss them. It’s okay to enjoy what you can. It’s okay to take breaks. It’s okay that it still hurts. It’s okay to “be a downer.” It’s okay to ask for what you need. It’s okay if it isn’t enough. The hole is deep ❤️
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Waking up vs. getting out of bed:
Most people: 5-15 mins
#ADHD
: Depending on current levels of anxiety, depression, how long we overslept, where we need to be, meds status, whether anyone will notice and how far away the snooze button is — between 0.5 seconds & 5 hours 😅
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Taking care of your teeth can be hard when you have
#ADHD
.
What are your ADHD friendly teeth care hacks?
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How to do projects:
#ADHD
edition
1. Enthusiastically commit
2. Have tons of ideas
3. Do nothing until the deadline is terrifyingly close
4. Start in a panic
6. Hyperfocus for days
7. Pass out from exhaustion
8. Get excited that you’re done and forget about 3-7
9. Repeat
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PSA:
Someone’s behavior being understandable does not automatically make it acceptable.
We can be kind and understanding about people’s challenges, their past, their limitations, and still set boundaries around what we will and will not accept.
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One of my favorite things about my
#ADHD
brain:
It’ll randomly hand me the most brilliant solution to a problem I wasn’t aware it was even working on.
It apparently just needs enough input then time to percolate…then I just need to write it down before I forget.
Anyone else?
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For
#ADHD
brains, “relaxing” often means *taking a break from self regulating.*
Letting your brain do what it wants.
Making myself focus on something “relaxing” — or fighting my brain if it wants to work — isn’t relaxing. It’s draining.
Let your brain wander sometimes.
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Six years ago, I decided to learn about my
#ADHD
.
Today, I signed a book contract with one of the top publishers in the WORLD to share what I’ve learned.
…after doing a livestream celebrating 1 million subscribers.
It’s a good day.
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I apologize in advance for all the things I’m gonna forget to include in my book about ADHD.
…I have ADHD.
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After 2 divorces I’ve realized maybe I wasn’t ready to get married so much as I was ready to own a really sparkly ring
#ADHD
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While
#ADHD
is trending is a good time to share things we didn’t know were related to our ADHD.
I didn’t know ADHD affected my working memory (the ability to hold information in our head while we work with it).
This is why I felt dumb growing up even though I was gifted.
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Okay so I’m having a slight…existential crisis?
I finished my book
I understand ADHD on a deeper level than ever
I have a full toolbox
…I was really good at learning about my brain. And now I can go back to doing…the part I was bad at
Living my life
I’m terrified
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The best thing I ever did for my self esteem was letting go of the idea that the right productivity system would make it so I didn’t have ADHD anymore
Now I can just enjoy the chaos and be proud of myself when I manage any level of organization at all 😎
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You know what’s really empowering to me, as someone with
#ADHD
?
Having tools & strategies to help me function in a NT world and accomplish the things I want to accomplish.
Know what’s even more empowering?
Not having to hide the fact that I need them.
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For the record — this does not help us listen.
#ADHD
How schools force neurodivergent children to act like neurotypicals:
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The main thing I've learned about ADHD is this: *accept* the symptoms, *manage* how they impact your life.
Example: I'm impulsive.
Okay cool!
Given that I'm impulsive...
--In what areas is that an asset? Use it!
--In what areas is it a liability? Put safeguards in place
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Ppl are often quick to correct those with disabilities: “don’t dis your ability! You’re capable!”
They don’t want us to be limited by our disability.
*Acknowledging and accommodating impairments makes us more able, not less.*
Imagine if I refused to admit I needed glasses?
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Getting my
#ADHD
brain to do what I want sometimes feels like a hostage negotiation situation.
Me: please let me work
My brain: THESE ARE MY DEMANDS
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#ADHD
brains tend to have low self esteem and get discouraged easily — so we need LOTS of immediate, positive feedback.
This often leads to people pleasing and even codependent relationships.
Learning to self-validate is apparently a thing.
I’m skeptical but let’s try it 😜
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Me: I’m so lonely out here I have no friiiiiends I need to make some
Also me: doesn’t ever reach out to the friends I have
#ADHD
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I am writing a book called How to ADHD (based on my experiences with ADHD, ADHD research, practical strategies, and what I’ve learned from this community).
I’m aware of the potential impact it can make & want to write it ethically & respectfully.
What would that mean to you?
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My ADHD meds work great for me, but what most people without ADHD probably don’t realize is *they wear off quickly.* So I mayyybe have a few hours a day where I can focus well. Then nope, unless I’m doing something I find engaging in which case hyperfocussss. It’s a daily battle.
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Okay for real though can whoever diagnoses or treats someone for a mental health condition please EXPLAIN that condition to us and how it might be affecting our lives because if we see a mental health pro *we should not be learning about it for the first time on social fkn media*
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Needed this today 🤣 RELATABLE
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Things that affect “time management” that aren’t about time management:
—energy
—motivation
—internal & external distractions
—anxiety over past failures
—emotional or physical pain
—perfectionism
—accountability
—organizational skills
—depression or burnout
& more.
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An
#ADHD
cleaning hack:
1. Pick a room (or section)
2. Set a 5 minute timer
3. Clean as much as you can in 5 minutes *and do not leave the room.* put anything that goes somewhere else by the door.
4. When the timer goes off *stop immediately*
5. Repeat
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Are you ever, like…*suprised* that you *actually got the thing you were trying to do, done?*
I am.
Constantly.
This time, though, I got done half an hour early and I’m actually *confused.*
#ADHD
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PSA —
If you have a service dog, hotels can’t deny you access or restrict you to a “pet friendly” room. You are entitled to any available room, same as someone w/o a disability
(If you do not have a service dog, please don’t say you do—it makes it harder for those who do)
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SO true. As someone with ADHD, I’ve been shut down, silenced, even mocked by people I care about because my working memory sucks and my emotions get loud. When I’m having the hardest time explaining myself, the emotions are the biggest, & it’s usually about something important.
When someone is having a hard time expressing themself, that's the best time to really listen.
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For anyone wondering what happens if you push yourself past your absolute cognitive limits
You stop being able to word
Eat
Walk
Hear
It’s kind of like being awake for 3 days straight
Brain just slowly loses function
…the back matter for my book may be nonsensical 🤣
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One of the most loving things anyone has ever done for me:
take my pile of mail I’d admitted to avoiding & laid each piece out on a table so I could see it clearly & it wasn’t just a giant paper monster anymore
no pressure to do anything, just support
#ADHD
#neuroacceptance
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If you’re looking for more info on
#ADHD
, I have dedicated my life to making research-based info about it accessible to anyone who needs it. This is my TED talk:
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Sometimes my brain is a terrible version of Clippy. 📎
“I see you’re trying to do ____. Can I help you do *something else entirely?*”
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How to ADHD just hit 700k subscribers 🥳🥳and to celebrate I am going to … 🥳🥳
Stop myself from adding more to my plate by trying to figure out how to celebrate and just
Enjoy
the
accomplishment.
Thank you to everyone who subscribed and to my incredible team 🥰
#ADHD
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Those w/
#ADHD
are at higher risk of unplanned pregnancy. Also of divorce, job loss, financial struggles, abusive relationships. Taking away choice in terms of whether or not to have a child regardless of our circumstances will cost us access to many other critical choices as well
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The very things that lead to getting diagnosed and getting
#ADHD
treatment are the very things that get in the way of us actually getting it. ADHD treatment is NOT ADHD friendly.
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For anyone who’s like “you can’t have
#ADHD
! You’re sUcCCessfUL”
Yes, I finished my book.
…which required neglecting everything else.
This is my desk… which I *just came out of hyperfocus enough to realize* needs attention:
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You know what I wish I’d learned about
#ADHD
a long time ago?
How much emotions drive us.
Both in terms of acting on impulse & in terms of things we do to avoid our (intense, emotionally dysregulated) feelings.
I might have paid more attention to learning to manage them 😅
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I recently realized that a good chunk of what I think of as “common knowledge” (because I talk/hear about all the time), other people have never heard at all. I’m starting a thread for dumping random things I know. Feel free to join. Only add if you’re sure the info is accurate.
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Juuuust in case you didn’t know this,
#hyperfocus
comes at a cost. If you (or your boss) gets super excited at the epic amount you got done in x amount of time, remind them/you this is not a sustainable practice 🤣
And when it wears off, expect to be fairly useless for a bit
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I have a theory I want to test out. Join me?
The next time you find yourself Not Doing the Thing, find a way to reduce overwhelm.
Tackle some clutter, take a project off your plate, cancel plans, decide you’re going to do 3 things today instead of 500...
Does it help? Lmk ❤️
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Telling someone they should “take time for themselves,” “learn how to be alone,” “have a life outside work/partner/whatever” doesn’t help if they don’t know what that means. I’ve spent the last few weekends in tears b/c I don’t know what to do when no one needs anything from me.
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For many ADHD brains, our sense of time is fuzzy, which makes time management...challenging.
How do you experience time? Any favorite strategies you use to make time "real?"
We may use some of your ideas in a book... my writing buddy
@Real_Theresa
will message you.
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I’m…tired.
Some days I kind of just want to be allowed to struggle without having to fix it.
#ADHD
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Let’s talk about IBNUs: an
#ADHD
thread 🧵 (1/5)
IBNU (Ib-new) is the term I use as shorthand for tasks that are “important but not urgent”
…aka, the tasks those with ADHD often don’t get to unless they *become* urgent, at which point it’s often a crisis.
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Whoever invents a device where the instant you fall asleep on the couch at night you’re gently teleported to your bed can have all my money
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Okay fine, after 7 years learning about my ADHD it’s time to admit my anxiety could maaaybe use some attention too.
Who’s managing anxiety on top of their ADHD?
Whatcha got that helps?
#ADHD
#anxiety
#mentalhealth
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I love to play video games but I feel bad I’m not being more productive.
I love to read but I can’t sit still long enough.
I try with audiobooks but I get too distracted.
LISTENING TO AUDIO BOOKS WHILE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES 🤯
This is where I live now 😂🤣
#ADHD
#HappyPlace
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When I was a kid, I had a hard time fitting in. Part of this was my overt ADHD symptoms -- I’m fidgety, impulsive, have trouble waiting my turn, have trouble staying focused on activities and conversations that don’t interest me, and keep forgetting everybody’s name. (2/10)
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Before you assume someone isn’t trying, or doesn’t care, remember:
Many people have cognitive disabilities.
“Makes careless mistakes” and
“fails to follow through on tasks and instructions”
are literally in the diagnostic criteria for
#ADHD
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Confession time. I’ve always felt things like gifts, flowers, romantic dates, and y’know, being treated well in a relationship, were things that other girls got to have. Not me. I had to be low maintanance. A people pleaser. I had to tolerate a lot because...they tolerated me. 😕
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I'm seriously thinking about hiring a dog trainer to help me train Chloe as an ADHD service dog to help me find things, remember things, transition, and calm me down when I'm about to have panic attacks. No idea how it'll work. Would anyone be interested in seeing that journey?
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I would sometimes be allowed to participate, but I never truly belonged to any social group. I could pretend to belong, for a little while, but it never lasted. Soon I’d be too loud, too weird, too much...and the others would edge away. (4/10)
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It is very difficult for me to focus on topics that don’t interest me.
This is not a choice; it’s how my brain works.
What I can do, what I try to do, is give as much of my attention as I can for as long as I can.
When people get that & appreciate the effort, it helps :)
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Merry ADHD Christmas!
...it’s where you text everyone you didn’t text on actual Christmas because you were distracted by new shiny things, still needed to get them a 🎁, &/or passed out halfway through b/c you forget to get a meds refill before the office left for the holidays🎄
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How many of you work late if you had a bad brain day/got distracted but don’t stop work early if you crush it & get everything done?
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I need a subtitle for my book.
How to ADHD: a practical (and empowering!) toolbox for working with your ADHD brain, not against it.
How to ADHD: a guide for those of us who didn’t grow out of it.
How to ADHD: it’s ok you don’t have to read it
Other ideas? 🤣
#ADHD
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Eventually, I learned to edge away, to escape to a place where I did belong.
Which was often my own world.
I retreated...into books, into video games.
Later, into (serial) monogamous relationships. I couldn't break up with someone, because then I'd be alone again. (5/10)
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#ADHD
can be a disability, which just means it’s a condition that causes impairments that aren’t well accommodated in this society so they sometimes get in the way of things we want to accomplish (that other people can, &/or expect us to be able to).
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What’s your absolute favorite
#ADHD
hack?
(Mine is currently timercaps — post below this one 😁)
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We miss the impact our actions are having on others, we miss social cues, we miss the fact that they don't hate us, they really just ARE BUSY sometimes, which makes our rejection sensitivity & emotional dysregulation worse...we ruminate, and when we do, we miss more stuff. (9/10)
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2019 was the most difficult year of my life. I feel...changed, like I’ve lost my rose colored lenses. The advantage is...I see more clearly now. I’m no longer unrelentingly optimistic, but I know how deep pain can go and I can be a better advocate for it. 2020, let’s do this.
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...you are never too old to be tested for ADHD. You are never too old, female, or gifted to have ADHD. All of these demographics have ADHD, too.
My dad just told me that his doctor said he's too old to be tested for ADHD
He looked into it and feels like it explains so much about where his life fucked up
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The accessibility issues those with
#ADHD
face on a daily basis are profound.
Most of us are just, used to it at this point.
Often, we blame ourselves because “this should be easy.”
But let’s call them what they are.
Accessibility issues.
And most CAN be resolved.
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Part of it was that there's also a developmental delay associated with ADHD -- so at 10, I had the self regulation skills of like, a 7 year old. This is why I had an easier time with adults, and kids a couple years younger than me. With my peers, I got made fun of...a lot. (3/10)
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I’d like to propose an
#ADHD
friendly service.
Form concierge.
You pay an annual fee and then anytime you need to fill out a form you can call and someone will walk you through it.
Someone make this happen 😂
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I stayed in relationships that were truly awful for me. If I managed to make (and keep) a friend, I let them treat me badly, because I was just lucky I had a friend. I did what they wanted to do, gave more than I had. It was...rough. (6/10)
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Proposed return to pre-pandemic guidelines — where you have to see your doctor in person at least once before you can get a prescription for a controlled substance.
…my doctor is in another state.
Let’s speak up about the serious barriers to treatment this creates.
BREAKING: The Biden administration has moved to require patients see a doctor in person before getting attention deficit disorder medication or addictive painkillers, toughening access to the drugs against the backdrop of a deepening opioid crisis.
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Ok but it’s actually kind of amazing how many things your body can do as long as you treat it at least as well as a houseplant
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If I’m feeling scattered, it’s usually because I’m trying to do too much at the same time, which often happens when there’s no clear order for me to do things in.
I save a lot of time and mental energy if I decide on an order then do them one (sometimes two) at a time.
#ADHD
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We often have it in our heads that once you set a goal you have to achieve it, in a linear fashion, in the manner you intended to, or else you’ve failed.
Which leaves no room for adventure, surprises, or pivoting to a better goal or better way
And WAY too much room for shame.
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The worst part of having
#ADHD
, for me, is the constant societal pressures telling me I’m not supposed to have ADHD.
It’s been incredible connecting with the
#neurodiversesquad
and getting to experience being accepted as is.
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Emotional dysregulation is a big part of having ADHD —
How do you handle big emotions when they come up?
(I may include some quotes in the book I'm writing -- if so,
@sometimesreese
will DM you with a quick consent form to fill out!)
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Being polite is about making the people around you comfortable.
If you have
#ADHD
, what would that look like for you?
I.e…
Interrupting me excitedly is fine, shutting me down when I’m excited is not
offer activities at a party rather than expect me to sit & chat for hours.
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If we could easily use all the tools designed to support executive function (a planner, lists, setting reminders etc.) consistently and effectively, we would. But that would require not having executive function challenges.
#ADHD
#neurodiversesquad
(3/3)
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