Lord Pinky
@HiddenPinky
Followers
3,503
Following
716
Media
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Statuses
102,860
Are these "shills" in the room with you now? Making fun of conspiracy kooks since 2020. RIP Dr Peter Malone
Extremely online
Joined September 2012
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
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Pinned Tweet
I'm posting this because I take care of my health and I think I look pretty good for a guy over 40 and I'm curious what if any comments it inspires on this platform.
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Your password must contain at least two female characters who talk to each other about something other than a man.
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On behalf of the vaccinated, we're 100% ok with this.
Do not have sex with people who are vaccinated.
Final warning.
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The limerick writers on Twitter
Can be justifiably bitter
The limited length
Is weakness, not strength
And throws our last lines down the sh
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Girl, are you science? Because I, uh,
"You fucking love me?"
Actually, I'm struggling to get a D in you.
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"Cookie" is the name of the scientist who created him. It's Cookie's Monster, not "Cookie Monster". Read a book sometime.
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"It's never 'How's Updog?'," sobbed Updog to his therapist.
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Will I ever be a good parent?
*shakes baby*
Wait a minute, if you're here
[cut to Magic 8-Ball in crib]
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"I'm joining the service."
Which service?
"The United States Air Force."
That's so US! That's US AF.
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"Did you see that Bruce-"
It's Caitlyn now.
"*sigh* -that Caitlyn Springsteen is playing at the arena?"
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The year is 2040. A child is singing the emoji alphabet song. It is 13 minutes long.
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@pentestmatt
@FloraEGill
It would be legendary to have life-sized cutouts of the people from the meme set up behind you in your apartment.
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How'd you get a black eye?
Walked into a door.
[Later, another shiner]
More doors?
*nods*
One does not simply walk into more doors.
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"Sing us a song, you're the piano man," the crowd exhorted.
"I'm the pianissimo man," he corrected, but no one heard him.
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Alex Berenson kills, a story in 4 parts, featuring a guest appearance by Ivermectin.
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It's a common misconception. Actually, Frank Incense is the name of the king. The gift he brought was Frank Incense's monster. Read a Bible.
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@julie_kelly2
Why does Lego even make these terrorist-training sets? Why is it allowed? Nobody needs a Lego capitol set. We need common-sense Lego control legislation.
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Accidentally went to Rouge One instead of Rogue One. Boy is my face red.
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"This sausage tastes funny."
"Funny how? Like it's made from a clown? Because it's not. It's absolutely not clown sausage."
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Buddhist Monk sees kid in Nirvana t-shirt:
"You like Nirvana? What's your favorite step on the 8-fold Path?"
Kid: Nevermind
"Yeah, me, too."
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Her: We've been married so long we Finnish each other's sentences.
Him: Olemme olleet naimisissa niin kauan päätämme toistemme lauseita.
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A pirate reminisces:
"Ar, at first, 'twas all fun and games."
*rubs eye patch morosely*
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Vin Diesel plays powerful characters, but Vin Hybrid is much more efficient.
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Is there any reply that's more drone-like than this guy's?
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@thebadstats
But if you smooth the data in one small country, there's no excess mortality there.
Except even that's a lie.
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[On "Family Feud"]
Host: Things there never seems to be a right time to say.
Dad: "You're adopted, Chet!"
*Family all claps, except Chet*
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ENTER PASSWORD
> bench85
PASSWORD TOO WEAK. TRY AGAIN.
> bench285
BRO!
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Mr. Miyagi: Show me "wax off"
Daniel: *jerk off motion*
*both collapse in laughter*
Director: Cut. Yeah, that never gets old. Take 8...
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Another would-be Jewish assassin from the future, too weak from the jump to succeed.
Why do they do this? Young Adolf pondered a solution.
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It is now illegal to write fiction. You can't make this stuff up.
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@Taoist_Skeptic
@NorthTXWeather
@CBSDFW
@CBSNews
@ABC
@WeatherNation
@weatherchannel
@ReedTimmerAccu
@FoxNews
@cnnbrk
When a disaster happens and you use it as an opportunity to express your contempt for others' beliefs,
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*pulls away from kissing*
"No tongue!" I exclaim, as I suddenly realize why my date hasn't said a word.
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"Nice one."
- me to my son, who is just learning to write numbers
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You know who else survived? Five billion or so people who got vaccinated.
@DustyDevil19
After years of pressure and threats. Now watching people having major health issues all over the map. Yeah, we feel a little victorious. Congrats to the purebloods. Survivors of the largest most expensive psyop in human history.
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Are you Mars? Because I'm really interested in exploring you for any signs of moisture.
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Whatever happened to all the people faking tremors from the vaccines? That was such a big thing for a while.
Kelly and Stevie - who genuinely claimed these sign-language-ish shakes came from their vaccines…
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"If you were a spy and having drinks at a spy bar, what would you want?"
"I could tell you, bud, I'd have tequila."
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Me: I invited Morgan over for dinner.
Wife: Morgan from work or [suddenly hopeful] Morgan Freeman?
Morgan Freeman: It was Morgan from work.
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I was chatting up this "girl" online, and - long story short - "she" turned out to be Thousand Island dressing.
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Antivaxxers not getting vaccinated and dying at higher rates. Is that the diabolical plan?
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I love sex. Really love putting my penis in some *checks smudged writing on hand* vergara.
[Later, in bed with Sofia Vergara]
That went well
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"I get knocked up,
But I get down again," - woman who refuses to give up dancing during pregnancy
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If you think hiring a duck prostitute is ridiculous, wait until you get the bill.
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Seems kind of anti-vax
@HiddenPinky
@davideyoungmd
@HomerSi25687423
@DrNice2022
I am not an antivaxxer.
You shouldn't throw out "baseless" claims like that. 🤣
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We don't really know whether "an eye for an eye" is an effective strategy, because no one has done a double-blind study.
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Need a job? Invent a machine that embeds body parts in solid objects. Nobody is looking for that, but it's a way to get a foot in the door.
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"You think you can hit that target with a throwing star?"
"Shuriken"
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Her: You had me at "Hello."
Him: I didn't say "Hello."
Her: Then who-?
Lionel Ritchie: Is it me you're looking for?
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@keithboykin
Sharpton actually incited riots. People were killed. It's fine. He has a show now.
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[Dad convention]
We'll start with a team-building exercise. You each have a sheet of instructions. Let's throw those away and get started.
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Dad: Ted, you're part of our family, but your real last name isn't Smith. It's Dopp.
Ted: Are you serious?
Dad: Yes, you're a Dopp, Ted.
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@thiamersal
@BadMedicalTakes
No, HP has purebloods. This is the cheap knockoff, Larry Porter, which has "cleanbloods".
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Set another place. I invited Larry to dinner.
Larry from work, or your imaginary friend Larry?
(grating falsetto): I hope I'm not imposing.
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A tear fell from the snake's eye as she slithered down the pole and began shedding her skin for the gawking crowd. But the money was good.
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@Boomieleaks
@juliebosman
Except it turned out he actually worked in Kenosha as a lifeguard and was asked to stay to protect the business.
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"Watch my bad-ass new pet eat!"
*points to terrarium with a tarantula and a McRib in it*
"Uh, spiders don't eat-"
*McRib devours tarantula*
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"Why would you tweet about Netflix?" my wife asks, "We don't have Netflix."
"I'm not married, either," I point out.
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Friend: You kiss your mother with that mouth?
Oedipus: Come on, man, I didn't know.
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Guy 1: I do a poor impression of Sean Connery.
Guy 2: Shame.
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I think he didn't like this.
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Ninja: Does my ass look good in these pants?
Other person: Who said that?
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I'm not one to go in for conspiracy theories, but I do believe that ancient Peruvian owl sounds were Inca hoots.
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Garfield, on his death bed, beckons his old nemesis Mondays, to come close.
"I've always loved you," Garfield breathes.
"I've always known."
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If you have difficulty with there/their/they're, maybe a thereapist can help.
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@BadVaccineTakes
It's not surprising that people who can't tell which of two risks is bigger would have difficulty with other math.
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"We're through," I tell the sword, sticking it into a stone. "You're not my calibur anymore."
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@turquoiselau
@BadVaccineTakes
Yet somehow they can manufacture placebos without constraints.
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Legolas: Aragorn, you smell like a pile of smoldering orcs. Why don't you try my soap?
Gimli: And my Axe!
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*offers you a chair*
*pours each of us a steaming hot cup*
There. Now, what's all this about hotdog water not being a real tea?
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[Jesus is exercising]
Centurion: What are you doing? You're about to be crucified.
Jesus: Yeah, I know. *winks* I want to be cross-fit.
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"Being OCD is..."
*takes off glasses*
*puts on glasses*
*takes off glasses*
*puts on glasses*
*takes off glasses*
*puts on glasses*
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[Scene from Jurassic World]
Veterinarian: All the dinosaurs have got worms!
Biologist: That makes sense. They *are* early birds.
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@BadLegalTakes
"I am very familiar with the First Amendment" has a kind of "I have a lot of Black friends" feel to it.
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@TennisWager
@proletin
@BadVaccineTakes
The 5 stages of anti-vaxxers:
1. Errors
2. Denial
3. Taunting
4. Fortune-telling
5. Silently leaving without acknowledging they were wrong
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As a child, Bruce Wayne loved being in charge of equipment for the local baseball team. But you can't be a bat boy forever.
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@BadVaccineTakes
Worried about smaller and non-existent risks while ignoring the risks that vaccines eliminate.
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See Dick.
Dick has corn flakes.
See Jane.
Jane has no corn flakes.
Jane wants corn flakes.
See Jane eat a bowl of Dick's.
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"Finally someone who gets me!" said the worm to the early bird.
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In the operating room, as you start to go under, the surgeon's scrubs fall away, revealing a swarm of bees.
Oh, God, it's a sting operation.
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[Home after awful day at work, my dog greets me]
Me: At least somebody's happy to see me!
Dog: *shakes head, pulls banana from pocket*
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"Tell me about your new girlfriend."
Oh, man, she's got legs for days.
"So, what, she's a mermaid at night?"
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"Any questions? Don't be shy, there's no such thing as a dumb question."
"Is there such a thing as a dumb question?"
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Bartender: What'll it be?
I'll have a Fuckin' Janice.
B: ?
I mean a Goddamn Karen.
B: ?
No, what is it? Ah: a Bloody Mary!
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@BadVaccineTakes
He always, *always* goes the "if I can find a way that it could be true, it's proof I'm right" path.
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