Helen Brown
@HelenBArtist
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Lovely to have another article published by the brilliant @OldieMagazine
theoldie.co.uk
Death, taxes and the Budget – Helen Brown on the oddest taxes in history
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Am I the only one who reads this in the voice of a second rate clairvoyant?
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My film crew and I once got stopped by the police for acting suspiciously near Buckingham Palace. We got out of jail by my persuading the officers that a genuine terrorist probably wouldn't have brought along a full-size portrait of Anne Boleyn.
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Do librarians have an award for the Best Librarian and if so are they called the G.L.O.A.T. awards?
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Mum is now saying, ' Why are we watching this rubbish? I want to watch, ' Foyles War.' This gem of a film might need to wait for another day...
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They're back and now cycling through French fields to the soundtrack of ' yellow brick road.' No expense has been spared with this film.
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Talking pictures ads. Sun Life insurance- seem to have dropped 'Parky' from them though...
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Man from bygone times - who might be called Alec- has just asked blonde lady ( still in flashback) to spend the rest of her holiday just with him. He's a fast mover.
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Ok. So another flashback. We know Julian Sands is the sidekick because he's a 'goofball.' He's just run his bicycle into a lot of sheep. There's no way that French farmer wouldn't be yelling at him know, but apparently not.
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Ok. I'm back. I forgot to say, that earlier a flashback told us that when our blonde lady first met man from bygone times he invited his friend and him to join her and her friend to go traveling in France. I guess she is what people do, but it's also how serial killers operate..
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Ok..the miasma of Elnett coming down the stairs tells me mum is ready to go out. This film will have to wait. RECORD
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Man from bygone days looks like my junior school teacher. Wait ...
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Man from bygone days is now talking to blonde lady on train ( in present day not in bygone days) but she doesn't want to speak to him..what happened in bygone days that she can't forgive?...
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In current time man from bygone days has just bribed the ticket officer to tell him that Blonde lady is on the train. His hair has got worse. Where is Julian Sands?
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Now Renee Ascherson is in the restaurant carriage chatting to her husband. Blonde lady is earwigging. Renee is 67 and her husband is 69. Old people are so adorable...
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Bygone days involved meeting an English man on the train. The English man looks like Raymond Blanc and is accompanied by Julian Sands who is clearly better looking but we aren't meant to think this ..
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Now the blonde lady is now looking wistfully out of a window remembering bygone days. She looks just the same but her hair is in a ponytail. Luckily @Rubywax is here to say, ' you look dreamy' so we can understand what's going on...
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And just when you thought things couldn't get any better, here's Josh from Casualty with a bottle of champagne...
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