Grosdoriane
@Grosdoriane
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emo till I die. Follow for more tweets that I tweet.
Joined May 2009
sir, your total will be $9.85, and peter griffin, sir, it is an honor to serve you today.
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Scientist doing an IQ test on a 3-month old baby: what the hell? this guy's an idiot.
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"It wasn't a seig heil". Hey man, I'm gonna be honest. I get that it's possible that you're that stupid, but I'm not.
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This is NOT what America is about. America is about *opens history book*. uh oh. *Frantically starts flipping though pages*. uh oh. oh no. no no no. uh oh.
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Yogurt Scientist: damn. is it just me, or are these mice getting kind of hot?
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The fact that people used to deliver pizzas before GPS is so absurd to me. People were really calling up a pizzeria like "I want a large pizza delivered in 30 minutes. I'm going to give you a house number, and a random street name. Good fucking luck.".
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Tbh, it's kind of funny seeing zoomers learn about what the world was like before they were born. Like, The Office said the f-slur on primetime network television. We're not very far removed from this.
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SO YOU TAKE PFIZER'S 66% EFFECTIVENESS, PLUS MODERNA'S 80.2% EFFECTIVENESS, AND ADD THAT TO ASTRAZENECA'S 90%, AND THAT GIVES ME A 236.2% CHANCE OF BEATING CORONAVIRUS THIS SUNDAY AT SACRIFICE
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Wow, I sure hope they find the person who said this so they can hold up their end of the bargain, whoever it was. .
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I think that if you're an astronaut and a private company says "we can fly you to space for 8 days," and then after 60+ days in space they tell you "probably next year actually," you should be able to sue that company out of existence, even when it's as large as Boeing.
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[The most 20-25 minutes away guy you have ever heard in your entire life] yeah, i'm about 12 minutes away.
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this is how dogs would eat if they had money.
Raw meat plate for dinner: raw ground beef, sliced ribeye steak. Served with white rice + sautéed mushrooms topped with raw bone marrow. Raw is law.
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New dutch reaction image just dropped
We hebben een serieus probleem met de politieke ontwikkelingen mbt de dwangwet en ik hoop dat dat de komende dagen kan worden opgelost.
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A while back, Dunkin Donuts used Rob Gronkowski in some ads. But my friend and I had no idea he was a football player, so we thought Dunkin came up with an Original Character named "Gronk" to advertise their energy drink.
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In 1379, more than 600 years ago, a baby girl in Yorkshire was christened Diot Coke.
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I will never, ever, ever understand the concept of buying a plate of food off of Facebook. Just not something that is a part of my life.
Don’t buy anything from this guy. He was selling boneless wings and a drink. And this is what I got. Charged me $15 up front. I tried getting a refund and he blocked me and said “Take me to Judge Judy “. I just wanted wings 😔
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I try to be generally kind and accepting of religious beliefs. But I draw the line at the year 1800. Every religion created after 1800 is obviously fake. The founder of your religion cannot have been alive while Schweppes soda existed.
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another one for the list
If you're not from NYC or lived there, you might not understand this. One thing I loved about living in NYC is how it forced me to pay attention to space and anyone in my vicinity. And you had to observe and make decisions quickly with that attention.
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Hard to find a better example of the over-clinicalization of completely normal thoughts and feelings than someone saying they "misdiagnosed" themselves as an introvert/extrovert.
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Alright, real recognizes real here, this is a true, 100% no foolin' around alcoholic. Moving from beer to light beer to spirits in a zero calorie mixer is such a classic move. At that point you're fulling thinking utility. It's medicine, I know he can't sleep.
Pete Hegseth: “I do less beer these days. I'm a gin guy. Gin is my poison of choice…”.
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If you told me they were related by blood, I would believe you.
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It's looks like they tried to use alchemy to recreate Andrew Tate, but accidentally created a homunculus.
Soy boys don’t have brothers by their side. The woke mind is a miserable existence, get out now.
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Okay, but like, imagine if Paul McCartney was just scrolling on TikTok and this came up on his For You Page.
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"How was the left radicalized?". Bro, I'm not radicalized. Literally all of my political views are just extrapolations of the most basic premises of human decency. Universal healthcare isn't "radical." I figured that one out when I was, like, 8 years old. Get a grip.
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-RECESSION TIPS-. • A 5lb bag of rice costs about $3.50 for around 8,000 calories. • A 5lb bag of potatoes is about $2.50 for 1700 calories. • A 1.75L bottle of vodka is $13 for 5700 calories. For just $19, that'll get you over 2,200 calories per day for a whole week.
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Lmao night night, Aussies. Enjoy your night time while literally everyone else in the entire world is soaking up the sun. Should we send you some warm milk and blankets? Rip Van Winkle ass lmaaaooo 🛌🦘🛌🦘🛌 don't let the bed bugs bite
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"Queer-baiting" strikes me as such a Gen Z concept, because 20 years ago if a celebrity "acted a little gay," they basically called them a slur on the news.
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I know I'm late, but I think this tweet after the queen died was my Favorite Tweet of 2022.
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gravity., i wanna see them eggs and peppernonis dance.
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It's funny how the term "podcast" just stuck. Such a huge thing at this point, and yet it's still named after iPods.
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People in the comments are like "wow, I can't believe a meth dealer would say something problematic. ". And like, it's not even that. This is 100% just a thing that a guy would say 15 years ago.
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come on ladies!!! let's prove this guy wrong! come on, let's prove him wrong! come on everyone, let's prove this guy wrong! everyone!!! let's prove this guy wrong hey, let's prove this guy wrong!!! women of twitter, do your thing!!! let's prove this guy wrong! hey! let's prove th.
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Legitimately crying laughing at the fact that this Wikipedia article exists.
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Imagine farting so good that the King gives you a 30 acre estate. Imagine someone farting so good, that you're reading about them right now, 900 years later.
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My family got booted off a flight they overbooked recently, and the airline had to give us $6,000. I don't think it's even that crazy to suggest that getting "stranded in space" is 16,800,000x worse than that. I think I'm actually being perfectly reasonable here.
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I know this is common and normal, but it's still so funny to me. "Hey, im so dizzy that I had to come to the ER"."Damn, that's crazy. You do seem really dizzy. Well, see ya later!"
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idk how to explain it, but "1:1:1 Chipotle to Chick-Fil-A to Crumbl ratio" sounds like a racist dogwhistle.
This is the best real estate in the world. 1:1:1 Chipotle to Chick-Fil-A to Crumbl ratio. More HOAs per capita than anywhere on Earth. Only 3.5% property taxes. Only 45 minutes to downtown Dallas. Every house has a privacy fence. Current entry level price: $1.2 million
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I feel like it's kind of everyone's duty online (who is not a antisemite, presumably) to be able to look at an image and immediately be able to tell "Oh, a neo-nazi made this picture" and not post it. Like, what are you doing you fucking freak?.
Tomorrow is Holocaust Remembrance Day. Hope you're all ready for the galactic load of victimhood headed our way.
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?
Vance has wartime physiognomy. He looks like every civil war general who got promoted after the first few battles happened and people figured out who was good at war.
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Oh, brother, this place STINKS
I'm at the country music hall of fame museum, and to be honest with you I'd rather just be looking at pictures of all this shit on my computer.
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I just got gas this morning and I swear to god a TV on the pump told me that "Fortnite is making mayonnaise cool again.". It should be illegal for the gas pump to say this to me, I can't take it anymore.
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I'm a man. I didn't have a baby. I have stretch marks. When I was in college, Pizza Hut had a deal where you could get 2 Medium Pizzas and 10 bread sticks for $15, and I could (and would) eat that in one night.
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I've only ever heard of two outcomes with laser eye surgery:. 1) It works really well for a while and then eventually your eyesight gets bad again and you need glasses anyway. 2) it's botched and the side effects are so bad that people kill themselves.
i don't get rich people with glasses or contacts. lasik is basically free?.
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Like, my dad's job requires him to go to customer's houses within over an hour long drive from his office. And before 2007, he'd have to find streets using a physical atlas index with a grid system. And now my phone just automatically tells me exactly where to deliver Chipotle.
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Having a pint to wind down. Always love having a beer poured in a glass. Cheers, everyone 🍻
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Sorry, man. I can't hang out today. I have like a ton of lithium ion batteries at home that I need to put in regular trash cans to dispose of as I would with any other kind of waste.
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The easiest way for me to tell that things are going bad in this country is when this tweet starts going around again.
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huh. if homer isn't doing it anymore, i guess maybe i should stop, too.
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"It wasn't a seig heil". Hey man, I'm gonna be honest. I get that it's possible that you're that stupid, but I'm not.
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I feel like I'm going fucking insane. We've shifted so far that people are criticising blatantly non-violent protests by saying "well, the non-violent protests are bad because all they need is violence to become violent protests.". What the FUCK are you TALKING about??
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I've been following this guy on TikTok for years. I'm still not 100% sure what he's doing, but it feels like he's getting really good at it.
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Losing my mind at the idea of a guy watching hypno porn, finger on the pause button, because he's too afraid it will work.
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Let the record show that these 90k likes are technically mine. I just need to make sure we get that all in writing.
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"I'm not really drinking all that much, although I may have many glasses". Dude stole my line from Christmas Eve this year when I was two fast blinks away from falling asleep standing up while on my third triple rum and diet ginger ale like "It's just a splash of rum. ".
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They need to stop teaching intro to psychology classes in high schools until we can figure out what's going on.
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I was "radicalized" when I found out that when you call 911 for a fire, the firefighters come for free. But when you call 911 for a medical emergency, they send you a bill. That's literally it. Just expand it from that, and there you go.
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that's what u get for bringing elon on stage, sweatie 💅.
Damien Chazelle’s #Babylon bombs at the box office with $3.5M domestically . The film cost $80M to make
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Oh my god
i bet it's crazy as fuck to work at the fruity pebbles factory.
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This is the most important election of our lifetime.
Reported: Kid Rock says he'll leave the United States if Donald Trump is not re-elected. How do you feel about this?
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Actually, I take it back. Specifically because I think a well-spoken True Believer could probably convince me that sparkling water is, in essence, God.
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This is such a funny thing to comment on a video about a tomato sandwich. What the fuck are you talking about? That would just be a different sandwich.
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@pervocracy Whatever money you were making doing that, I know for a fact it wasn't enough. I can't imagine how stressful that would be.
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for an even cheaper option, or if you don't drink, you can simply sub out the vodka for a gallon of vegetable oil. For just $7.99. that'll get you around 30,700 calories.
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@lonelypastaboi Hmmmm. I have a feeling that there is a group of people who would very much disagree with that.
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A quick reminder for this upcoming Democratic primary election
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Doing some research. They actually make a really good point.
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@ExileGrimm I'm a huge proponent of "saying things solely because I will think it was funny to have said it," but I would've kept this one to myself lol.
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You know that Crypto is crashing when they start tweeting stuff like this.
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In Case You Missed It: John Roderick made a thread on Twitter about not helping his young daughter make dinner. People got annoyed by it, dug a into his tweets a bit, and found a bunch of racist and homophobic tweets. He and Ken Jennings hosted a podcast together.
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@eatinginmycar Look. I'm gonna be 100% honest. I have literally never thought to go to the salad bar to buy just enough vegetables to put on a sandwich that I'm planning to make. But that's so much better than what I've been doing.
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People always get mad at me when I say something is very "Gen Z," so I just want to clarify that I don't think it's *bad,* I just don't think that young adults now who were kids in 2015 really understand how much we've slingshotted around.
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Just so u know, 11th grade is tough but in senior year u get to choose more of your classes and take more fun electives so it's actually pretty chill. I think you'll have fun!.
ACAB includes encampment morality police.
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Hey, man. Nice tweet! Do you mind if I say something extremely weird about my personal life in the replies?.
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Hey, no offense to crocodiles, but literally what the fuck is this thing
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I hate to bring this to your attention, but:. Vaush porn parody.
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So, the FBI raided Trump's famous Mar-A-Lago resort earlier today. You seen this? You heard of this?. Yeah, apparently they were looking for Ezra Miller
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@LateNightNelly Florida is "East Coast" in the same way that Alaska is "West Coast." Factually true, but surely not what anybody means.
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