To the 3 or so people that read my tweets one of whom is my wife, I've uninstalled this app finally, I'll kinda be on the butterfly one, @ferpect0val

I'm going to be so much more annoying this year just you wait. You'll see. You'll ALL see.

The Gilded Age but with lead.

Do @JeffandPat still even like sports?

I put a good amount of thought and a mild amount of effort into dressing in a way that makes me feel good and appear like a competent professional only to completely undermine that by walking into the office with an energy drink and bag of donettes.

RIP Pete Rose. A gigantic asshole, who nevertheless did not deserve to be excommunicated from baseball and absolutely should be in the hall of fame. You were the perfect embodiment of the Phillies, enjoy hell, and fuck the @MLB on your behalf.

chappell roan was a lotta people's new favorite parasocial cuddly toy and then she went "hey I'm a person give me some space and also here are my extremely reasonable political opinions" and some of the Can't Make a Phone Call Squad are really struggling with that

As a reminder: guilty people shouldn’t be executed either.

it’s hard being a young queer woman who’s into gemstones in a geology way and not a magic way because i’ll be like “ah i like this agate pattern” and people will be like “yeah it wards off djinn” and like i don’t think that’s true

You are not qualified to homeschool your kids.

The sad thing about Brett Favre having Parkinsons is that he stole money from people on welfare.

With all the controversy surrounding Linkin Park's new vocalist, are we ready to admit that they're pretty overrated? Like, they're fine, but just *fine*.

@bouphe @Geestargames I'm so sorry you're both going through this, it's absolutely horrific. It's not a case of "shoot your shot" or "you might as well try, you never know!" or any of that shit - it's stalkerish and frightening. We just want to be left alone.

Big Jerm is one of the very few professional disc golfers who is openly antiracist. He's courageous and funny and talented and educated and well spoken. There is no better spokesperson for disc golf who identifies as a man. https://t.co/5yi7tmUcrT

https://t.co/9DiaMAmOKI

The USA solved the trolley problem by defunding rail transport, and then shooting everyone tied to the tracks.

Solidarity. We’ll be fulfilling contracts at SDCC but afterwards WE HOLD THE LINE. Labor is entitled to all it creates! ✊🏼🎮

thinking about how i could have kept making edm but instead chose to bare my soul and everyone will hear it in 11 hours