Can’t believe that 20 years ago today, amid some of the worst floods the Lake District has ever seen, Mrs Jez (as she became) and I somehow managed to wade our way to church to get married. It may not have been exactly the wedding we planned but the marriage has been pretty good!

I’ve just parked at the hospital, and seen someone get out of a car dressed as a shepherd. Then I noticed a wizard. Finally I clocked a Bojutsu martial artist. I think I’m in the staff car park. #LunchPun.

I find #watfordfc fans revelling in Rajovic netting an own goal for his new club really weird. Mileta wasn’t the best player, granted, but he got a few goals, acted professionally, & we made a tidy profit by all accounts. He’s hardly the new Williamson, Dawson, Silva or Rodgers.

I’ve only ever bought one house at auction. But apparently, to my wife, that’s a lot. #LunchPun.

My pal Jiri Soucek from Prague is the best chess player I know. #LunchPun.

Bet his dad Dion Sandersdad is buzzing!.

Agent: So, Mason - Jamaica?.Greenwood: Yes - but she withdrew the allegations, so let’s move on, eh?

Son 1 got his exam results today. He’s worked super hard & despite some challenges he’s made us super proud of all he’s achieved. Thanks all the educators who helped him. And to the teachers who wrote him off due to his start in life-a big F*ck you very much! #parenting #adoption.

His Dad Shoton will be pleased to hear that he’s safe.

I was educated at Everest Academy. That was my High School. #LunchPun.

If Woakes could’ve batted (properly) both innings, I believe we’d have found those 7 runs. If he could’ve bowled in the second innings I don’t believe we’d have needed to. And I still hate the idea of injury substitutes in test cricket. #ENGvIND.

Yeah - and not just that. It was his left shoulder. That’s not his bowling arm, so he could’ve manned up a bit, stuck his boots on and come out on the third morning and got Akash Deep out a bit more quickly, couldn’t he? 🤣🤣🤣.

Bought a new tumble dryer. Don’t know why. I don’t know any wet gymnasts. #LunchPun.

Who mistook a tube of Pritt Stick for moisturising balm? My lips are sealed. #LunchPun.

Apparently it’s bigger on the inside! 😂

Thoughts on #Watfordfc tonight. Luca looks good, Semedo less so. Kyprianou very composed, though I worry he & Louza do the same job, and Imran does it better. Delighted for Grieves. Moussa still has a role to play. Hope Pollock’s injury isn’t serious but we badly need another CB.

Back in my happy place. #Watfordfc

- I’ve totally forgotten who the fifth spice girl was, after Posh, Sporty, Ginger and Baby. - Scary. - It’s a little annoying, but I don’t think it’s anything to be worried about. #LunchPun.

Had a meal here earlier. The food was ok, but the service left a lot to be desired.

Use one shot it said. But when I did the handwash exploded all over the bathroom. And the police asked all sorts of unnecessary questions about why I even had a gun.

Apparently the new #F1Movie is over two and a half hours long. You’d have thought it would have been quicker.