Matt Fernandez
@FattMernandez
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Comedian/writer - New special, Clownfish out on Youtube now! - Wrote for Playboy & College Humor - Tweets featured on Ellen & Kimmel - IG: @mattfernandezworld
St Petersburg, FL
Joined March 2010
My new special Clownfish is out today! Go watch it! Like it! Share it! Have fun with it! No wrong answers!.
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I don't recognize this new NFL. Spitting on eachother? There's no place for it. In my day, if there was a problem, Mike Evans would run out of nowhere and try to paralyze Marshon Lattimore.
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Like Jalen Carter, I too have been known to spit on it and last less than a minute.
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I hate loud people and bright lights. Maybe autistic people are right. We shouldn't be raising money to research autism. We should be raising money to kill loud people.
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I like how you get a grade after fantasy drafts. I wish that happened in real life situations. *Dinner with your gf's parents: C*. They could tell you were high when you got there, and you asked if they were paying before you ordered. Might need to hit the waivers for a new gf.
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Go watch and Like my new special. I'm a Bucs fan, so don't take it personally Cowboys fans.
My new special Clownfish is out today! Go watch it! Like it! Share it! Have fun with it! No wrong answers!.
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Jerry Jones when Micah Parsons asked to be the highest paid defender.
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WIN A $50 BONUS BET! . 1. Follow us .2. Retweet .3. COMMENT AND USE #HardRockBet .4. Admin picks their favorite 10
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White women in Starbucks pouring Pumpkin Lattes on eachother like they just won't a championship.
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It took hours of negotiation, but finally Hitler agreed to shoot himself in the face.
JD Vance:. If you go back to WW2 or every major conflict in human history, they all ended with some kind of negotiation.
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Not sure why Cracker Barrel got rid of the cracker & barrel from their logo. More restaurants should have what they're known for on their logos. Denny's logo could be a guy trying to sober up. Waffle House's logo should just be a boxing ring.
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Guys taking their sex dolls to get an abortion.
Chinese scientists are developing world’s first pregnancy robot that could give birth to human children.
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Vince McMahon looks like a mortician who does stuff to the bodies.
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Possessing the level of drama required to throw yourself in front of a train because of a minor inconvenience proves she was definitely a woman.
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We got it backwards. Go to WNBA games to cheat on your spouse (where no one will see you). And throw dildoes at Coldplay.
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RT @MBrassenstein: me approaching the arena at an WNBA game with 5 green dildos (they're in my rectum)
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I guess you could stick it in the sand, but that's gonna make it very gritty and uncomfortable when you stick it in your ass.
Japanese design firm Kenji Abe has designed a glass beer bottle that you can stick into the sand on the beach
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Shout out to this dude who's on Shark Week every year, and just won't be happy til the sharks finish the job. #SharkWeek2025
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