Happy Birthday to Sr. D JK Kelly. The Baltimore Native loves the bench press, his Ravens and a good slap check. Unc, has solidified himself as an all around great guy. And yes if you were wondering…I’d let him date my daughter. Lamar and Kodak would be proud. Have a day 4s!

A changing of the guard. Thank you. Enter @michael_melk

HBD So M Drew Diviney. No way around it, 35 is as unique as they come. Acing the 440 test was nails, but walking to 6AM practice fully geared up is sicko behavior. Off the field, Vink operates a world class CoC base & is likely operating a CIA mission amongst his Eng. lab mates

HBD Sr D Matt Dooley. Understanding Big Irish is knowing that underneath that goofy grin and soul patch is a violent man from Mass. The human body craves contact, and when Dools isn’t running Big Red Readers, he’s bouncing heads off the turf with authority. Keep regulating 88

HBD Jr M Luke Gilmartin. Gillshow is a perfect representation of all the intangibles you want in a D mid: chaotic, tough as nails, & maybe a little brain dead. While he’s stuck doing push ups behind a desk in Syracuse for now, it’ll be back to crowbars and cross checks in no time

HBD Jr LSM Walker Schwartz. Aura’s return from funny camp last fall sparked a 2nd yr. bump for 53 both on & off the field. While hes still a nightmare in the filmroom, Walk has become a weapon on the doorstep and after his trip to Celly Camp this summer, will be a problem in 2026

HBD Sr A Matt Perfetto. The “Boy from Sett” has returned to the island to show off his “summer bod”, his Up-The-Hash, and his Sideline Swap inventory. After being written off by many, John delivered a spring reminiscent of his Freshman Fall glory. Easy on the Umbertos tonight 11

HBD Jr M Willem Firth.After burying 218 genos for the Beach over his career, 51 is looking to join Donville, Lintner, and Nieuwendyk as Cornellians to bring home a Minto. One of the last true lax junkies in the game, Bill logs more hours watching NLL highlights than anyone I know

HBD Sr SSDM Charlie Box. Upon his return to the Delco Motherland, “The Master of Angles” has reintroduced his native tongue in our chat speaking only of “free Wawa”, “going DTS”, & “The Phils”. Excited to see how Charyan returns after a summer of Azzurra’s Pizza & cheesesteak

HBD Jr G Matty Tully. While we’ll one day see Tenpy rocking a UMass Club Hockey sweater, for now hes 0 for the Big Red and has boosted our Union with his “M*sshole” tendencies and athleticism. Feed 55 brainrot, DHall coffee, and a Prep Hockey Warmup mix & itll be a bad day for 17

.@CornellLacrosse Third Team All-American defenseman Jayson Singer will join @ElonFootball as a grad transfer, according to a source. Named the Ivy League Defensive Player of the Year for the national champions, Singer was a First Team All-Long Island RB/LB at Syosset HS.

Former @CornellLacrosse longstick midfielder Walker Wallace announced that he’s headed to play for @UVAFootball as a grad student. Listed at 6’7 and 240 pounds, the Richmond native is set to play tight end for the ‘Hoos.

HBD Sr DM Chris Davis. While 7 makes his living off of crowbars & crosschecks, Big Tuna has been growing his game to include some vintage Essex Hornets offensive prowess. His low-to-low is suspect, but the patented jumper could have Gillette chanting “Tuna-Ball-Goal” all day long

HBD Fr D Cooper Simpson. Maybe it’s an Ohio thing, but I haven’t seen a D Guy put as much effort & pride into their offensive prowess since former 35, Caleb Newman. When he’s not sniping corners, Coopty can be found snoozing in the coat room, dreaming of his next toe drag victim

HBD to Sr D Jayson Singer. The Big Hitta is a machine who fuels his engine with Pop Smoke, Oranges, and Beef Tallow. However, he’s not a total robot… Get him going on theatrics, the Joe Rogan Experience, or his patented twisty and he’ll talk your ear off. Banfi on me this Sunday

HBD to Sr LSM Walker Wallace. Labelled by some as “the most interesting man in college lacrosse” Wally is 6’7” tree of bison meat and witty one-liners. While for now he’s still living out every goalies dream of burying one, his 240 frame is destined for the world of pass-blocking

HBD Jr FO Jack Cascadden. After a flat tire took him out of commission last spring, 20 is back to pinchin & poppin and getting downhill like a bull in a china shop. Off the field, Cans is an encyclopedia on just about anything, a staple on the aux, & fellow sufferer of NYJ fandom

HBD to Fr FO Michael Melkonian. While hes still a few jumpers away from reaching Psyllos status, his greasy approach to GBs and Jets fandom have Melk well on his way. With a little love from Coach Powers & a couple bicep curls, we can toughen this sensitive boy up. Keep Eating 25

HBD to Jr D Brendan Staub. From FB to our Scruffy werewolf, boy has 33 grown. Sure he’ll still fire off the massage gun in class, “Binsk Tax” any of your food he deems desirable, and burp on command… but his love for brain rot & ball knowledge have made us realize hes just Bren

HBD Fr M Luke Robinson. The Ontario native has found his role shooting high to high and switching hands? Doesn’t seem very 🇨🇦 to me… While 8 isn’t putting a strong “Lefty Stick” campaign together, his haircut has him as a frontrunner for “most likely to own a secret TikTok acct”