The best minds in mental health aren't the docs. They're the trauma survivors who have had to figure out how to stay alive for years with virtually no help. Wanna learn how to psychologically survive under unfathomable stress? Talk to abuse survivors.

When you haven't had the safety or support to explore & define who you really are, which is often CPTSD survivors' story, you're going to have difficulty identifying meaningful goals. That's normal. You're not "broken"-- you're learning a new skill & mindset. Easy does it.

Trauma survivors' hyper sensitivity to criticism isn't about "thin skin." It's most often about a history of criticism or gaslighting being used to control us-- & being hooked into a deep sense of shame on a hair trigger, that subsequently kicks on our sympathetic nervous system.

Many of the "rules" we internalized about what our life "has" to look like or what changes we're "allowed" to make were programmed into us by bullies, abusers, & others trying to control us. You, actually, get to decide what your next moves are & what defines your identity. You.

Traditional or rigid relationship structures can often feel unworkable for survivors who have experienced trauma in past relationships or religious settings. Don't be afraid to think outside the box when it comes to your relationship needs & values in recovery. It's your life.

Birthdays-- especially milestone birthdays-- can be trigger-y for trauma survivors who never expected to be alive this long. Be gentle w/ yourself. You get to feel what you feel-- including ambivalent or negative feelings about the journey.

Trauma survivors who struggle w/ impulse control aren't "stupid." We often struggle w/ not scratching certain itches because we lacked the support & safety to develop that skillset once upon a time-- but lacking skills isn't lacking intelligence (or "morality," for that matter.)

We may "know' our shame & self-blame isn't "rational"-- but part of us may be terrified about letting go of it, convinced we'll be in trouble, punished by karma if nothing else, if we even THINK about treating ourselves w/ compassion. That's how deep trauma conditioning goes.

Every time we try to realistically tell ourselves "it's not our fault," Trauma Brain will be right there, sneering in our ear, "...or IS it??" (No. Your abuse was not your fault. Full stop.)

Hey, trauma survivor reading this who was conditioned to believe you had to tolerate, ignore, or cover up the abusive behavior of a family member: that wasn't your fault. You deserved better from the people who should have protected you.

Kids believe what we're told. And kids damn sure believe how we were made to feel over & over. How we feel & what we believe about ourselves now does not reflect reality-- it recycles what we were told & how we were made to feel for years. It's BS-- Belief Systems. That's it.

Blog: "The sh*t show’s gonna sh*t show. But you just do the next right thing." https://t.co/SAn0dPDg9w

The moment you're triggered & melting the f*ck down is not the moment to try to lecture or reason yourself off the ledge. Our nervous system doesn't-- can't-- respond to that sh*t in those moments. Lean in to grounding & self-validation instead. That is: breathe; blink; focus.

Self-punishment as a change strategy reinforces the idea we "deserve" to suffer for our mistakes-- thing is, trauma survivors are already suffering almost every day. If suffering changed behavior in positive ways, we'd be perfect & awesome by now. Do you feel perfect & awesome?

Acknowledging our own feelings w/ realism & respect is way harder than it sounds when we've been conditioned by trauma to ignore & invalidate our emotional life. Give yourself credit & grace-- none of this "recovery" thing is easy, obvious, or fun. Worth it, but not fun.

Whoever conditioned you to be unquestionably obedient-- in childhood or adulthood-- put you at risk.

Blog: "If you haven’t noticed, many moments in trauma recovery are what we sophisticated clinicians call a “sh*t show.”"

Don't get into an argument w/ your old trauma conditioning. Notice when it's active; register it as an old tape; & gently & compassionately direct your focus back to self-talk that supports your recovery. Again, & again, & again. We're not here to fight. We're here to rewire.

Yes, part of trauma recovery is assuring your nervous system you're no longer in a dangerous situation from the past-- but an equally important part is affirming to your system you're committed to handling dangers that exist right now w/ realism & skill. Don't skip that part.

Some may not understand or believe how anxious or depressed you actually are, because as far as they can tell you're "functional" or socially adept. Don't let their lack of understanding or belief convince you you're "making it up." Your inner world & pain is real, & it matters.

Getting out of the habit of people pleasing is one of the hardest things trauma survivors who default to the "fawn" response will ever do. It can feel like we're trying to overhaul our entire personality & social rhythm, which is no small task. Easy does it. Baby steps.