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@DeepHydrangeas
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bpd brain rot extraordinaire
𓍊𓋼𓍊 she/her 28 𓍊𓋼𓍊
Joined July 2020
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This user has been diagnosed with BPD, ADHD, depression, anxiety, & PTSD
Ppl with BPD are not monsters
Having BPD ≠ abuser
Ppl with BPD deserve love
This is a safe space for all Cluster B personality disorders
This is a safe space for ppl who struggle with mental illness
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Ppl with bpd can be manipulative, abusive, hateful, rude, mean, selfish, insufferable, etc.
Ppl with bpd can also be loving, benevolent, empathetic, caring, gentle, thoughtful, considerate, giving, amicable, affectionate, etc.
A diagnosis doesn't define someone.
BPD ≠ bad
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BPD = Borderline Personality Disorder
BD/BP = Bipolar Disorder
While these 2 diagnosis seem similar, they are not the same and require vastly different treatment options. Because I only suffer from BPD, this🧵 focuses on what BPD is to help differentiate it from Bipolar Disorder
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A thread of out of context SpongeBob frames to describe what having BPD feels like
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Bpd in one hour be like 😃😆🥰🫠🥵🫥😱😭😚🤩😡🤨🙃😊🤬😃😆🥰🫠🥵🫥😱😭😚🤩😡🤨🙃😊🤬😃😆🥰🫠🥵🫥😱😭😚🤩😡🤨🙃😊🤬😃😆🥰🫠🥵🫥😱😭😚🤩😡🤨🙃😊🤬😃😆🥰🫠🥵🫥😱😭😚🤩😡🤨🙃😊🤬😃😆🥰🫠🥵🫥😱😭😚🤩😡🤨🙃😊🤬😃😆🥰🫠🥵🫥😱😭😚🤩😡🤨🙃😊🤬😃😆🥰🫠🥵🫥😱😭😚🤩😡🤨🙃😊🤬😃😆🥰🫠🥵🫥😱
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If someone with BPD tells you that youre their Favorite Person (FP) this 🧵is for you
A FP is an intense attachment that can become obsessive. Everything a FP does can/will affect the person with BPDs mood, feelings, & thoughts. This 🧵 is not an exhaustive list of tips for a FP
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BPD loneliness is so irrational. I spend hours with someone but as soon as Im alone it consumes me. I feel detached from reality. I feel isolated on purpose. Its like Im grieving relationships that havent ended. I feel abandoned. Its hard to reason with such bottomless emptiness
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Just some bpd symptoms that arent talked about as much, a 🧵
Disclaimer: not everyone experiences these symptoms if they have bpd & experiencing these symptoms doesn't mean you have bpd. This 🧵 is coming from someone who experiences all of these & has been diagnosed with bpd
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Bpd is not an excuse but it can be an explanation
I can be held accountable & still be given sympathy/empathy
Bpd is extremely painful & if someone is working hard to try & get better, it doesnt make them a villain to slip up every once in a while.
Healing is a linear journey
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Dear bpd haver:
Your feelings are valid even if they come from an irrational mindset. You still feel what you feel so dont let others gaslight you into thinking otherwise. Youre allowed to feel deeply + intensely & its okay to stop being around ppl who tell you that you shouldnt
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What I bring to the table:
- bpd
- an insatiable desire for sex
- unhealed trauma
- a big, dump truck ass
- severe depression
- dark sense of humor
- sonder
- a people pleasing nature
- gas
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The intense bpd urge to self harm or do something incredibly dangerous hoping to feel something, anything, other than what you feel at that moment
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I wish someone would love me the way I love them but I have bpd
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ur friendly reminder that there r 9 criteria in the DSM5 for BPD & only 5 is needed 4 diagnosis. There r 256 different combinations of BPD symptoms someone could experience. Meaning that what 1 person w/BPD feels/does/thinks, isnt necessarily what everyone w/BPD feels/thinks/does
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If you don't like me at my bpd lows you don't deserve me at my bpd highs
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Bottling up all my bpd feelings bc doing literally anything to release it or lessen the pain from it is considered attention seeking and manipulative behavior
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bpd brain rot is experiencing 5 stages of grief in the span of an hour
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Imagine getting a diagnosis for what you've been struggling with & finally will be able to seek the right kind of treatments to do better & feel better, so you look it up to learn more & there's just tons of articles about how terrible it is to love someone with your diagnosis
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That bpd feel when you look in the mirror and have no idea who's looking back at you
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May is Borderline Personality Disorder awareness month. So, you know, be aware of me
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BPD is having the BEST day of your life & then the absolute WORST day of your life over & over again several times a day. It's exhausting when you feel on top of the world one minute & the next minute there's an entire plummet to rock bottom. The emotional whiplash is inescapable
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It's hard to explain bpd loneliness to someone who's never experienced it. "Yeah, I can be In a room full of people who love me but I still feel lonely." Somehow this bpd emotional object permanence makes me completely unable to rationalize with the abysmal emptiness I feel.
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|￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣|
| having bpd is hell |
|＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿|
\ (•◡•) /
\ /
——
| |
|_ |_
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BPD feels:
- im so numb that it feels like im a walking void
- im 1 minor inconvenience away from ending it all
- I dont want to know that I'm feeling this way rn so let me do something super risky to focus my attention elsewhere
- Im experiencing literal grief many times a day
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Some ppl w/bpd experience paranoia that is linked to their fear of abandonment/rejection/humiliation & can be triggered by dissociation. They may see signs/hidden meanings of hostility/perceive others as trying to hurt them/leave them when there is no justifiable reason to
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Bpd sadness is unrelenting depression
Bpd happiness is overwhelming joy
Bpd anger is explosive rage
Bpd numbness is abysmal emptiness
Bpd regret is unexplainable guilt
Bpd anxiety is intense panic
Bpd excitement is uncontrollable energy
Bpd emotions are intense & hard to explain
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The overwhelming bpd urge to do something really dangerous or risky in order to feel something (even if the feeling is guilt, depression, or regret)
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Emotional object permanence. Some ppl w/bpd struggle with recognizing & accepting that even if someone doesnt show love/affection, that it still exists & is there when that person is not around or is not actively visible/felt. The "do you still love me" phrase comes to mind
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The bpd urge to push everyone away and isolate myself so I don't hurt anyone and also to prevent them from being able to hurt me
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bpd is lonely because you never truly feel understood. everyone around you can sympathize but they won't ever truly know how intense you feel. in fact, they often become annoyed with the emotion changes and get tired of hearing us talk about how we feel...it's a lonely diagnosis
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It's kind of depressing knowing that no one will truly love me the way I love them because I have bpd
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Dissociation/depersonalization/derealization: Some ppl w/bpd may perceive their world altered, seeing it as distant, unreal, or falsified. Described as "watching a movie of my life" or "feeling like Im floating above my body" or having trouble recognizing oneself in the mirror
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I believe having BPD can cause severe overstimulation & exhaustion. Feeling intense emotions all the time takes extensive & constant internal processing. Add external stimulus to that already extreme amount of internal emotional processing & it's easy to be sent over the edge.
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When you look back at how you acted during a bpd episode and you're disgusted with how you handled your own emotions:
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Part of bpd that non bpd ppl dont understand is that we are never our true selves around others. We're either masking how much we are feeling or taking on others characteristics for the sake of preventing them from leaving us. To see the true soul of a borderline is a gift imo
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BPD be like ↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑↓↑
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You ever accidently forget you have bpd and then you get super hypersexual and start craving self harm and you're just like, "ah yes the spicy emotions are back"
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Intense worry. This does go hand in hand with emotional dysregulation but can also go with paranoia & fear of abandonment in that some ppl w/bpd worry to the point of making themselves sick bc theyre afraid of losing someone (whether there is that possibility or not)
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Intrusive thoughts that go beyond the realm of suicidal ideation. To an almost obsessive compulsive level. Intrusive thoughts that link to intense emotions & can make emotions more intense by proxy. They may be difficult to cope with & can cause significant & life altering stress
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When they say, "everyone feels that way" after you explain your BPD to them 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
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Imposter syndrome with bpd is debilitating. I always think im overreacting, even to severe abuse. I always question the validity of my emotions. I spend so much time overanalyzing my reactions. I try so hard to not be the monster everyone says a person with bpd automatically is
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This is just your regularly scheduled friendly reminder that:
Having BPD does not make someone an abuser or make them manipulative.
An abuser or someone who manipulates others does not automatically have BPD.
Someone with BPD ≠ a bad person
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Bpd stands for are you mad at me are you mad at me are you mad at me are you mad at me are you mad at me are you mad at me are you mad at me are you mad at me are you mad at me are you mad at me are you mad at me are you mad at me are you mad at me are you mad at me are you m
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Fear of abandonment is my worst bpd trait. I will go to great lengths to keep from losing ppl I care about, including hurting myself, letting them run all over me, & ppl pleasing when they dont deserve it. I am so afraid of being rejected I wont even open up. I am so easily hurt
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BPD positives:
(Because all you ever see is how bad it is)
- passionate
- loyal
- giving
- friendly
- great analyzers
- able to put themselves in others' shoes + understand them easily
- observant
- great insight
- can be altruistic
- much more!
BPD doesn't make us monsters!
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I think ppl w/bpd r some of the strongest ppl I know.Bpd is compared to having 3rd degree burns.The entire healthcare community sees u as a monster.All the literature condemns u.Constantly battling thoughts of suicide,intense emotions,& navigating a world that hates u is so hard
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BPD horny is a monster. Desire sets every fiber of my being on fire, passion can easily turn into rage, it feels like im going through 5 stages of grief if i get disappointed. Lust seeps out of every pore. It's so hard to have self-control when ur consumed w such intense emotions
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Bpd isn't cute. Just having the diagnosis can negatively impact all of your healthcare & destroy your ability to create relationships & enjoy life. Why would you play fake bpd uwu when ppl who actually have it are too busy fighting themselves & the rest of the world???
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Borderline Personality Disorder: 📈📉📈📉📈📉📈📉
Bipolar: 📈📈📈📈📉📉📉📉📉📉📉📈📈📈📈
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My soul leaving my body when I reread the atrocious texts I sent during a bpd episode
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the bpd urge to push everyone away to test if they actually love me
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Things i wish ppl without bpd would understand:
- not all ppl with bpd have the same symptoms
- quiet bpd exists
- not everyone with bpd is abusive/manipulative
- fps arent a choice
- bpd is considered 1 of the most painful mental illnesses to have
- ppl with bpd deserve respect
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Real bpd fear of abandonment is having your birthday and not a single one of your "friends" says happy birthday
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Having BPD leaves you burnt out all the time. I spend so much of my energy regulating my emotions, dealing with intrusive thoughts, and working on unlearning my toxic behaviors that I literally have no energy left to expend on other important things in my life.
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The bpd urge to block everyone and then wonder why no one loves me
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I wish my BPD wasnt so devastating to deal with. Emotions take so much energy to process. Intrusive thoughts are so mentally & physically distressing. Emotional regulation is exhausting & being violently aware of the things I should do but just...cant....I feel like a failure
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STOP!
I know you want to hurt yourself. Its OK to have these distressing feelings/thoughts. Youre not a bad person for having them.
Instead of hurting yourself, do one of these Distress Tolerance skills, a 🧵
Disclaimer: Im not a professional, I just went through a LOT of DBT
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Bpd is weird because one second you'll be ready to end it all and then the next second its like youre not mentally ill at all. It's so easy to get imposter syndrome with this illness. You feel like you're suffering and then you have a good day and it feels like you're cured.
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Fuck bpd it makes me simultaneously forgive people instantly and also hold a grudge for the rest of my life at the same time
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Having bpd doesnt make me overdramatic. I experience things intensely and psychologists have said the way we experience emotions is like receiving third degree burns. Any real or perceived emotional pain is full blown all the time. Have patience as I navigate my emotional turmoil
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BPD is a disorder characterized by sudden, frequent and often mood changes due to an inability to regulate emotions. Studies have shown that ppl with this disorder have smaller amygdalas (the part of the brain that helps you regulate/process your emotions) psychologists aren't
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My BPD leaving my body when someone says "stop being sensitive"
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You do NOT want BPD:
- constant need for reassurance/validation
- suicidal/self harming
- extremely painful emotions
- being misunderstood
- being deemed a monster by everyone including therapists
- unable to build healthy boundaries
- easily taken advantage of
The list goes on
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I wish I could unalive myself without it affecting the people around me, like I'm fully aware the pain I'd cause if I left but I'm in so much pain right now I just wish I could find a way to stop hurting
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I think BPD highs are almost (if not more) as dangerous as the lows. Impulse spending, sending risky nudes, binging, impulse speech, intrusive thought adherence. It's like feeling on top of the world gives you the notion that the consequences don't matter. It opens up a frenzy
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When I realize my personality is a disorder and that means who I am as a person is broken
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Bpd math is isolating yourself to prevent yourself from getting hurt whenever someone doesn't text you back immediately
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My bpd: isolate yourself and tell no one to see who cares
Also my bpd: see? No one noticed your absence you're all alone
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BPD is painful
1 in 10 who have it will end their lives because of it
Please remember that people with BPD are human beings and may be going through things you may know nothing about
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A lot of bpd symptoms are based in overthinking (fear of abandonment, paranoia, black and white thinking, splitting). Communication that is honest and often can help remedy or lessen these symptoms. Don't assume that your loved one with bpd knows/understands what youre thinking
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Me thinking that my bpd is cured as soon as I have a good day: 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡
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