Dea | You are the love of my life
@DedeenMarie
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Introvert. Writer. CPD addict. Upstead owns me.
Joined December 2021
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There’s only one way Jay would leave Hailey. Only one. And now I’m in pain.
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I won’t be able to watch Hailey lose Jay. I won’t. I can’t—
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I wrote a little post 9x21 ditty, mostly to get it out of my system. Thought about expanding it to a full one-shot, but I don’t have the time at the moment. But this is how I imagine the 9x22 opening scene.
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Haileys, “But you can’t just leave” will haunt me all night
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I wanted to write a post e3 fic, but I couldn't justify Jay's actions no matter how hard I tried. Still, I was desperate to reconcile my frustrations with his exit, so this fic was born. It's my attempt to bring some sense to an illogical situation. Enjoy!
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I keep seeing this GIF. And I thought I would remind everyone that this happened LESS THAN 24H AFTER THEIR FIRST KISS. THIS LEVEL OF COMFORT/INTIMACY IS JUST… I am going to—
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“From this moment forward, I choose to join my life with yours.” ICONIC! ❤️
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Hailey and Jay keeping in touch while he's in Bolivia (because I refuse to accept anything else).
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Can’t erase/replace 10 years of 5021 George.
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Him on the counter with the thigh holster, Hailey’s fingers dragging up his leg, undoing the buckle…yeah, my brain is here right now 😵💫
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I’m writing a Upstead fic that will hopefully help me reconcile my many frustrations with Jay’s exit. It’s not really a post 10x03, but it will address all the unresolved feelings around it. Here’s a glimpse of the first few paragraphs.
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RING! 🖤
And just to make your day better , here’s a video of Tracy and Kelli eating a banana.
#ChicagoPD
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All my thoughts goes to my homeless Jay fic…I miss writing 🥲
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Coming later today!
Writing this piece was extremely intimidating (and daunting, too). When you step out of your comfort zone you feel exposed, vulnerable, and for reasons I can’t explain, that’s how I feel about posting this.
I hope you’ll enjoy it. ❤️
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Jay leaving intelligence to preserve his marriage is 100% in character. I believe that wholeheartedly. But recent articles and their wording, makes it hard for me to think that’s what will happen. It almost seem Jay is leaving Chicago altogether. Am I reading too much into it?
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End scene: Hailey runs to Trudy’s desk, looks for the envelope, but the pile of mail is gone. She feels defeated. But then Trudy holds it up and says, “Looking for this?”
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I’ve never seen Upstead’s relationship as a trauma response. Yes, there was trauma, but it only made their connection stronger, their foundation that much deeper. To discard it as such is a disservice to the characters and the fans.
#ChicagoPD
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“You don’t have to tell me anything. You can, and I’ll love you all the same.”
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Looking for a guy standing in the corner, wearing a baseball cap and a big smile in every video of the Michigan mag party. 👀
(You’re doing it too)
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“There was really no way to write out Jay Halstead that made sense for Hailey Upton […] But there were plenty of ways to do it better […] There were ways to respect fans […] This show hasn’t done that, and it honestly feels like they never had any intention of doing so.” YES!
Tracy Spiridakos deserves better than this. Jesse Lee Soffer deserves better than this. And we, the fans, deserve better than this.
#ChicagoPD
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I’m going to be a rebel and write a FaceTime/phone sex fic because I can’t wrap my head around the fact that UPSTED HASNT SPOKEN TO EACH OTHER SINCE JAY LEFT. UGH.
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Who ever directed this, did a brilliant job at letting the scene breathe. The pauses were so loud and the acting was… 🤯
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When shit goes boom, could we possible get some scene where Jay addresses Hailey as his wife? Please?
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So, will everyone acknowledge that Jay is gone, except Hailey? As much as it will hurt, I want that scene.
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Like, not even a small mention that Hailey has been talking to Jay? Phone call? Txt? Email? Ugh 😣 They are just going to milk this and will come back in the fall finale. Mark my words.
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It’s been a while since I posted a fic. I’m excited (nervous) to say that I have one coming Mon. The fic was born from a need to simply write. I dont have a plan or an outline. This me is letting go n accepting that it’ll be good enough. I hope to bring u guys along for the ride
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As an Upstead fan, I’m always jealous of the many stelleride moments. I know PD and Fire are different shows, but still…
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Hailey still hasn’t been given a chance to speak Greek on the show. But now I don’t want it because Jay won’t be there to look on like the proud husband he is.
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This is the most nervous I’ve been about posting a fic. This fic is about
#upstead
finding each other, and also about me reclaiming something I lost. So, while this may seem different from my other works, I hope you'll stilll tag along for the ride.
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You know what was a trauma response? Jay and Camila’s relationship. Now, to equate Upstead to that? I-
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What is it called when you can’t wait to watch a TV show, but at the same time you’re dreading watching said TV show? 😩
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Also, when taking about worried husband Jay, I want to see pissed off husband Jay in the interrogation room. Like, “Do you realized what you did?YOU ALMOST KILLED MY WIFE!” I want 3x17 Jay to come back.
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I’m ready for worried Jay. We were robbed on 9x13. I’m ready now 🤡
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At the same time???? AT THE SAME TIME?? 🥹🥹🥹
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Straddling my co-worker is totally second nature 😏
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Hi everyone! I know this chapter has been a long time coming. So, without further ado... here it is! Happy reading ❤️
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Guys, this moment will have nothing to do with the Roy story line. It will most likely be Jay and Hailey interrogating a suspect connected to the Mak’s kidnapping (her uncle?), and Ruzek being hotheaded, barging into interrogation room and throwing hands! That’s all.
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The fact the her hair can go from pony to down (in a short time span) and look amazing both ways is AMAZING. In my experience, I have to chose one or the other 😅
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I can't thank you all enough for the positive feedback on the 1st ch. of this fic. I felt hugged and warm inside. 🥰 I wish that could be said about this ch, but we're still in the midst of it all. Without further ado, here’s the next installment.
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Where do I send my Jaina tribute to? She needs to know just how much she has reinvigorated an entire fandom.
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I underestimated how hard it would be to watch this episode. Can’t imagine what it will feel like watching a Hailey centric one 😓
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So, I have this belief that e03 sets up Jay’s departure from Intelligence, but he will come back for a final/official goodbye in later episode. Tell me if I’m grasping at straws here.
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Here’s the smut dabble I wrote inspired by the BTS picture below. There are 5 parts, the first 3 are posted here, the last 2 in the replies. Enjoy 😉
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Here he is! ❤️
“You came.”
“You asked me to.”
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I might change my mind in the coming weeks, but as of right now, I can’t see myself watching season 10. Everything hurts. 💔
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One least thing…
Upstead was meticulously developed. SEASONS (plural!) were spent on building a solid foundation for their eventual relationship. They were each other’s safety nets. True soulmates. Just… perfect.
No one can ever erase that.
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TS: Send me the picture. I want to post it.
JLS: Okay.
JLS: *posts the picture*
Tracy: YOU ASSHOLE!
TS: *posts the picture anyways*
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Hey everyone! I know I said this before, but I wrote a smut little ditty to help me cope with the fact that Upstead will no longer be on my television. So here is it.
Thinking Out Loud
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Never wanted to be a puppy MORE in my life
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I guess this week we've learned that all good things come to an end. I'm still in my feelings and my heart is still in pieces. Writing has always been my escape, and being able to bring you guys on this journey with me has been incredible. (1/2)
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I have so many feeling right now. In my head I know Jay and Hailey are in touch, daily even - little texts, quick phone calls … but this episode is painting a different picture. 😩
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New update! It's a short, sweet chapter, but I wanted to get it out there. I hope you enjoy it. Also, happy Mother's Day to everyone who celebrates, and a big hug to those (like me) who find this day a little bittersweet. ❤️ Happy reading!
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Jay Halstead (the character) made me weak in the knees, but JLS, good lord, this man takes my breath away, and I won’t be mad if this is how I go 🥵🔥
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I could get high off of this caption 🥹
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It hurt to read this. In the back of mind my I still held hope JLS would make a small cameo to close the Jay Halstead chapter on CPD - to give Upstead the ending they deserved 😞
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Hi everyone! know it's been a while, but I'm happy to bring you another installment of this fic. Hope you enjoy it.😁
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Happy Monday! I think having snowstorms in the east coast equates to me having time to sit down and write. So here's the next chapter. Happy reading! ☺️
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Also, can’t log off tonight without slow clapping for Tracy Spiridakos. She makes me feel all the feelings. Her talent is out of this world. Can’t wait to see how she will continue to rip my heart apart this season.
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I'm just going to drop this one and leave! Happy reading!
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Happy new year! Hope you guys had a great holiday break. Here's the next installment of this fic, and once again, I can't thank you guys enough for your support and kind words. As always, happy reading! ❤️
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Thanks to all who reached out and sent your good wishes the last few days. I'm back to feeling like myself and happy to be able to share this chapter. 🥰 I will see you guys in the comments.
Big thanks to
@chucklecanvas
for the new header ❤️
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No better way to go out 🫡
if this is my last tweet it’s gonna be Upstead and their wedding night 🫶🏼
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I could make a joke about how they assassinated Jays character so much they even changed his name, but I won’t
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Good lord, and I don’t even like smoking!
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Only JLS can mend and break my heart all in the span of an interview.
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Am I delulu or does this interview gives us a bit of hope for an Upstead happy ending? Because we all know what Hailey is actually feeling. She might have moved forward, because that’s what’s expected, but WE ALL KNOW OUR GIRL IS HEAD OF HEEL KN LOVE WITH HER HUSBAND.
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The only scene I can watch on repeat from the episode 🥹💔
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I’m in my Upstead feels today (sorry). Heartbroken that I won’t be seeing them on my screen. I hadn’t wanted to accept this, but GS seems firm on her statements about JLS not returning. I’ve gone through the stages of grief and I guess I’ve arrived at acceptance, and it hurts 💔
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🤏🏻 much space 🥹
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JLS opened his social media and chose violence. My heart. ❤️
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This is coming to you bright and early (before I chicken out and don’t post). I'm glad that despite the angst, you guys are still tagging along for the ride! There's more angst ahead, but trust the process. 😉
(Please see TW)
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REALLY hard to not read in between the lines here
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🥹❤️🔥
(What does it all mean, though? My heart can’t take this)
the way I just started sobbing over him apparently visiting set. someone send help. 😫
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Here’s the next chapter. I’ve gone back and forth about the direction I wanted to take. So, I hope you guys enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing it. 🥰 See you guys in the comments (for real this time)!
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You're not imagining it- it's a new, smutty update, which is fitting since it's hump day. Sorry for the delay, your girl caught the vid and she was down for the count. But doing much better now!
I hope you enjoy this chapter. See you in the comments!
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“…it feels like the season never really tried to set up Hailey’s exit in a way that made sense.”
These reviews are always on point.
#ChicagoPD
11x13 "More" says goodbye to Hailey Upton in an episode that doesn't really hit as hard as it should. Our review:
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I absolutely love trasse’s love. I love that it’s low key and only theirs. I wish them all the happiness is the world.
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