Dean Abbott
@DeanAbbott
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Coach and Spiritual Director Helping People Live More Soulfully in Their Relationships with Self and Others. Poet and Writer. https://t.co/FJJ6H0yHUT
Joined January 2009
My coaching and spiritual direction services continue to grow as do those who choose to work with me. The document below tells you a little more about what I do. Click the link to schedule.
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Guys are in my mentions complaining that a woman with an eight week old infant wouldn't take time away from the baby to make sure he has a hot dinner on the table when he comes home. This is the point I am making : You, as father, should want that mother to spend as much time as.
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@Cluffalo Even though the robot has no soul, the guys in this video are revealing theirs.
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DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB. Make them look you in the eye and fire you. Then sue them.
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My mentions right now are filled with guys with anonymous accounts who must, in real life, be obstetricians because they are certain no woman really needs eight weeks to adjust after childbirth.
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This is how the Redpill stuff ruins relationships. It teaches men to indulge a sort of faux toughness to mask their crippling insecurity. A secure man would not be this quick to believe his wife would forget him. A secure man would not need the constant affirmation he gets
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When I was a professor at a small, struggling college, I suggested we make classes optional for most students and just sell a four-year, residential program where students could live, work, play sports, socialize and receive some minor professional training. This was what the.
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Human beings were not designed to experience multiple "break ups". The idea that "breaking up" is normal wreaks damage on the heart.
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I have basically lost all interest in the movies. Am I alone?.
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An important point to make about this post is that it's not the case, as some have said, that men aren't allowed to have feelings. The issue isn't his feelings, it's his attitude. If he had said, "I feel sad that I'm not getting as much attention from my wife", that would.
This is how the Redpill stuff ruins relationships. It teaches men to indulge a sort of faux toughness to mask their crippling insecurity. A secure man would not be this quick to believe his wife would forget him. A secure man would not need the constant affirmation he gets
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Shocking that this has to be said, but, here goes:. Lying about having been raped is not just as bad as raping someone. Nowhere near as bad.
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Andrew Tate is not popular with young men because "the Right has no strong role models" or because "the culture has been poisoned by feminism.". He is popular because he is a symbol of unchecked ego, greed and lust. He is popular because he gives young men permission to indulge.
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The current Steven Crowder revelations make a few important things clear:. 1. Everything is fake. Behind the scenes of his pro-family, conservative facade, Crowder was living and treating others in a way that contradicts those values. 2. There is almost no actual conservative
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Raising daughters requires a man to look right in a cute, beloved female face and tell her "no" again and again even when she's crying. Not a job for wimps.
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@XEng This is a terrible move. Public likes helped us to know our mutuals better and to find others in our corner to follow. By reducing the social aspects of the website, you will actually drive engagement down, not up. Truly terrible idea.
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The problem in lots of long term relationships is that, in order to feel safe and secure, women require a much greater amount of effort from the man than he is comfortable making. Most guys just don't understand the level of care a woman needs, and they're shocked when they.
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Of course, life requires work and most people have always worked hard. But, in the past, people didn't work hard to the exclusion of every other joy in life. Never before has a 40 hour corporate work week been expected to substitute for all other emotional and spiritual.
She doesn't have the time, energy, or cash to enjoy her life outside of work
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Men often make the mistake of assuming attraction works the same for women as it does for them. It doesn't. For women, a healthy portion of attraction grows out of their sense of whether this man helps lower their anxiety or whether they sense he will be a burden.
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Men who don't do well with women are those who find the whimsy, complexity and mystery of femininity a burden rather than a delight.
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I read a definition of secure attachment earlier which was "a deep trust that repair will always follow rupture." . I've been meditating on that, and I think that's right.
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Depression is a normal reaction to a culture that holds nothing sacred.
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Been rewatching "Breaking Bad". Even before his cancer diagnosis, Walt was predisposed to become a monster by his nihilism and his passivity. He is a nothing guy, no beliefs in anything, no commitments that give his life meaning beyond the drudgery of day to day material.
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@beherleader @GiffLasta Scripture makes it clear that both men and women are made in the image of God. There is no fully or not fully about it.
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Sometimes, when people say they're depressed they really just mean they are angry life requires effort.
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@ScottAdamsSays Is the food poisoned in a way that encourages over-consumption?. Surely, eating too much plays a role of some sort in the obesity problem.
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Many people who think they struggle with anxiety actually struggle with shame.
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So many of these young, redpill bros on Twitter talking about how they're gonna wife up a young dime and make a bunch of babies clearly have no idea what real marriage is like.
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@ScottAdamsSays At the heart of the political is the personal. Our marriage system is broken because our society has jettisoned its loosely Christian metanarrative that gave people some sense of meaning and direction. Now we live in ever-increasing emotional and spiritual chaos.
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In just the few seconds of @DaveRamsey's show I heard this morning, he managed to outrage me. According to Dave, an employee who accepts a position at a company but continues to look for a better job is committing a breach of ethics. Continuing to look for a better job, Dave.
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Human beings were not designed to experience multiple "break ups". The idea that "breaking up" is normal wreaks damage on the heart.
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You know why the Christian patriarchy crowd bothers me so much?. It's because they're bullies. For each of them, underneath all the Bible quotes and the beards and cigars is the rage-filled, self-centered insecure heart of a playground bully. Except these guys think they have.
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Why contemporary relations between the sexes are so messed up. A short thread.
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This is not the ideal wife because it is a drawing, a cartoon character. Yes, some of the descriptors listed here are fine and good. But the overall effect of memes like this is that they condition young men to fixate on a bunch of abstract qualities rather than on getting to.
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People never talk about how dangerous your early 20's are. A time of life when people make decisions that can affect them for decades.
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Women flourish when they are protected. Men flourish when they protect.
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Discipline is the practice of turning to our values rather than to our vices for comfort in the trials of life.
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Men,. When you approach a woman from a leadership mindset: declaring your intentions, setting an agenda, pursuing what you want, you intensify her sense of who you are. When you are passive, halting, unfocused, she cannot feel your presence the way she wants. Always be leading.
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I'm seeing a bunch of anti-therapy takes this morning, and all of them seem to have misunderstood the main point of therapy. The main point of therapy is not to feel better. The main point of therapy is not to get a diagnosis you can identify with. The main point of therapy is.
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I tweeted this earlier. The woman in the video says the number one reason married women stop having sex with their husbands is that they lose attraction for him because they stop feeling safe. Lots of guys in the comments saying "Well, women have sex with dangerous criminals,.
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About a year ago, I went to the doctor with an issue. He literally told me there was nothing I could do to help it through diet or supplements. Started researching it, and basically took care of the issue through diet and supplements. Now, I wonder if doctors know anything.
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The difference between these two people is that one understands love and the other does not.
.@Pearlythingz: âYouâre saying itâs irrational for a man to demand his wife stay a certain way. Why?â. @Trent_Hornâs answer:đ
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This kind of gender role rigidity is dysfunctional. Nobody lives like this perpetually in a real family. In a real family, people are flexible enough to do what is needed at the moment without being anxious about whose "role" every task belongs to. Ideas like this are a.
To help me post partum, my husband never: woke up to tend to baby at night (he tried at first but quit when he realized he was useless at it), changed a nappy, gave her a bath, changed her clothes, washed a bottle. No baby care, no cooking me food, didnât wash one dish or ever do.
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All these incels in my mentions act like they are bent on getting revenge on women, but for what?.
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Most men underestimate how important feeling safe is to most women.
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@beherleader @GiffLasta Yes, they do. If you don't care about what scripture says, that's your call. But let's not pretend when it says " He created then male and female in His own image" that we have no idea what that means.
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Men,. Her "submissiveness" in relation to you is largely a result of her perception of your trustworthiness. If you want more submission from her, instead of trying to control her, raise your level of trustworthiness.
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You have no obligation to look. You have no obligation to expose yourself to horrors you cannot stop or situations you cannot influence. Your energies are much better spent on improving the lives of those near you.
Force yourself to look at the videos of what Hamas did over the weekend. LOOK. This is what moral equivalence brings. Rape of women. Kidnapping of children. Murder of hundreds of innocents, including full families.
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The problem with all these guys who want a tradwife etc. is that they really only want half a woman. They think femininity is fully captured by submissiveness, tranquility, and domesticity. But there's an energetic, chaotic, creative side too, sometimes dark and vengeful.
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Most men aren't taught that a relationship with a woman means accepting responsibility. No one tells us that a woman represents not only pleasure, but obligation. The fact that having a relationship with a woman means responsibility and obligation never enters many men's minds.
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Too many dudes don't get that there are spiritual and emotional dimensions to sex that can only be experienced with a wife because they require the foundation of a lifelong commitment.
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I often hear men complain that they can't lead in their relationships because women refuse to follow. Many of these guys, who claim to be strong alpha-male types, can't see how this statement is really just a way of saying they are dependent on women. It is a way of saying.
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The average man has no clue how much power he has to make others feel safe and calm just by managing himself and his affairs well.
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There is no reason for children to ever have homework. The hours spent at school are sufficient to acquire basic knowledge. Insisting children do more work at home is simply a way of extending the power of the state into the arena of the home.
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Men need to understand that when women consider them for a long term commitment, those women know they're taking a gamble. Women, in a sense, are always betting on men. So, men, if a woman sizes you up and rejects you, she may still see many great things about you. She may.
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This is abuse, plain and simple. Not only does it destroy the child's trust in his parents, it disrupts his ability to trust his own perception of reality. This bunch of immature, attention seeking cretins should be in jail.
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This tweet will damage marriages. First off, most marital problems are not problems of "communication". They are problems of mismatched values or characterological problems that manifest themselves in relationship. Second, she is not learning to diagnose him with "neat.
Seen this many times. -Husband & wife have probs w. communication. -She goes to therapy. He's not comfortable w. it. She learns from therapist how to diagnose him w. all kinds of neat jargon.-He feels labeled, dismissed, demeaned. -Shockingly, this does not help communication.
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I've seen this going around everywhere. The answer is wife. Why is that even controversial?.
Who comes first, your mom, your daughter, or your wife?.
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This is a picture of a man whose cluelessness is destroying his wife and himself. The look on his wife's face after he finishes his monologue says it all. He cannot and will not learn how to engage her heart, but instead stays stuck in his pattern of insisting on getting his.
How is this even remotely controversial?. It seems that aspects of life that were universally accepted and unquestioned for millennia are now not only considered abnormal but also viewed as obscene. His demeanor is of a battered, defeated man, worn by modernity, yearning for a
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Anxiety is often the result of trying to think your way out of a problem you can only act your way out of.
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Sex has a fogging effect on judgement. One reason to delay it as long as possible in a relationship is to retain the ability to see the other person clearly without the cloud of lust and oxytocin.
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So much suffering in our time is caused by a mass media complex that encourages people to pretend, to live false lives chasing values they know deep down are not aligned with who they want to be.
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Let's break this down. What we see here is an archetypal vision of the healthy Masculine and Feminine. The Masculine rejoices in the presence of the Feminine and leads a dance. He gently and safely extends to her an invitation to join him. The initially resistant Feminine.
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Be very careful what mass media you consume. Not only is every movie, song or television show subtly advocating for a set of values, but they also transmit a mood. Viewers absorb that mood which then influences them and the circumstances they choose to create in a profound way.
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The author of this account claimed to have been the victim of sex trafficking and horrific childhood abuse. She claimed to have overcome the effects of her experience through will, strength, and good character. She added to the suffering of real victims by shaming them for.
Who is Patriarchy Hannah (@harmonizedgrace)? . Join me on a deep dive as I explain how Hannah is a completely fabricated persona, and how a random 37 year old woman in Arkansas named Jennifer Bays is behind the account.
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There is no such thing as love that is not sacrificial. Anyone who does not sacrifice for you does not love you.
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No one is less honorable than a man who harms what he is meant to care for.
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Contrary to redpill advice, it is ok for a man to be madly and ridiculously in love with a woman.
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You know the only thing that makes a healthy relationship?. Healthy individuals.
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Men tend to have a hard time relating to the fear that is a woman's baseline emotional experience of the world. Thus, we tend to dismiss their requests for attention and care as demanding to be "treated like a queen" when, in fact, she only wants to feel safe.
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The real sign of a healed soul is not happiness, but integrity.
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@suzie_mac5 Adjusting includes physical healing but also more. A new mother needs time to heal, but there are also all kinds of other adjustments that need to be made.
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Modern people are so miserable because everything our culture considers normal is, in fact, extremely harmful and contrary to our deepest nature.
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Your fantasies about another are never actually about that person. They are actually about you, your desires, wishes, unmet needs projected onto that person, continual stories where that person is not really a character, but a prop.
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@domiono @deadpoet______ A lot of guys have huge senses of entitlement and a lot of women have trouble valuing themselves enough to hold firm boundaries.
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A friend once told me that, one night when she was an infant, her mother woke suddenly because she "heard" my friend stop breathing in her crib. Her mother rushed into the other room and snatched her up, and she had indeed stopped breathing. How do you explain this?.
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If psychedelics are supposed to be a shortcut to God, why does the artwork they inspire all look like pictures of Hell?
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It's better to disappoint others by being honest than to keep them temporarily happy by concealing your true self.
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The happiest people I have ever known dated basically one person, married young, had kids and lived lives of quiet responsibility.
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A lot red-pill advice to men really does come down to saying "never risk really loving a woman.".
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@hollowearthterf @Slatzism "Baby, just because my ideology allows me to get everything I want with no real costs is not a reason for you to doubt it.".
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Most people unconsciously resent the fact that love, their greatest desire, cannot be attained without suffering, their greatest fear.
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The closer the person you are in private is to the person you are in public, the greater your peace.
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I listened to part of a @rightresponsem podcast. A few things stood out:. 1. Almost the whole show is devoted to secondary issues. Very little has to do with Christianity proper, and lots to do with culture war issues. 2. Everything feels fake and performative. The guys on the
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@DuckieLouise This is abuse, plain and simple. Not only does it destroy the child's trust in his parents, it disrupts his ability to trust his own perception of reality. This bunch of immature, attention seeking cretins should be in jail.
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I talk to guys sometimes who can't understand why their wives are unhappy with them. They have trouble understanding that what their wives want is for them to take ownership of their lives. Wives want their husbands to want to manage their homes and lives out of interior.
If he doesnât need a personalized to do list made for him at his job, he doesnât need one at home.
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This is such common sense that it wouldn't be controversial at all if this platform weren't over run by insecure guys whose brains have been red pilled to death.
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The idea that marriage is going to be some trad fantasy of an ever submissive, malleable robot woman who makes no demands, has no needs and never gets tired is setting these dudes up for a lot of resentment.
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Guys who resent women, who blame women for their loneliness and unhappiness exaggerate how much power women have. This is just an inverted form of pedestalization.
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Our society ceased to believe in love and so has gone mad.
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One last thing on this. What the guy should have said to his wife:. "I am so grateful for our child and so grateful to you for the way you are caring for him. You're doing a great job. I love you and miss you and our one-on-one. I'm looking forward to a chance to reconnect
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Notice how this is not really a warning against the traditional vice of sloth, but an appeal to the desire to be a "winner". Get up pre-dawn to work out and separate yourself from the mass of losers out there who don't have the steel you have. Behind this sentiment is approval.
I refuse to be around people who frequently sleep in. Loser mentality is contagious. Winner mentalityâalso contagious. I remember sitting down with Jocko Willink and wanting to catch what he had. One of many reasons I now get up pre-dawn, and work out.
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@beherleader @GiffLasta Where does the Catechism say that only men are made fully in the image of God. All Protestant groups agree on the meaning of the text I quoted. Unitarian are not Protestant.
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When these men enter into a relationship with a woman, they are overwhelmed by her needs, her feminine communication style, and her emotions. Moreover, he unconsciously resents her for having needs at all since he has been conditioned to see her solely as a source of pleasure.
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Because the problem starts with men, so must the solution. The only way out of this mess is to teach men to value their honor, to see that their fulfillment lies in shouldering responsibility not in avoiding it and that they and their masculine nature are good and valuable.
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Guys,. If you could reform society by calling women whores, you'd have done it by now.
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Here is how you know that Christianity is just a tool for these guys. They try to leverage it lend credibility to a sub-Christian philosophy they have developed out of their own resentments. The New Testament makes clear that, though marriage is the normative pattern for adult.
Single, unmarried, childless women over 30 have lived in willful rebellion from Godâs design for them. Dress it up however you want, usually with victimhood (âmy dad was meanâ) but itâs still true. A womanâs repentance for defying Godâs design will create humility in her. In.
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