Who called them "glasses"? Isn't that a little "on the nose"?

Whenever a product label says “trusted since…” it always just makes me wonder what they were up to before that

I can’t explain it but the worst Eminem beat of all time is October is eternal by of Montreal

Can you be an attorney at anything besides law?

Where there’s smoke there’s mirrors

My wife gets annoyed watching movies with me because I’m constantly predicting EXACTLY how they’re going to end and she says it’s that I’m making predictions that annoys her but I think it’s that always I’m right like every single time because I always say the credits

George Costanza flirting tomorrow by saying he just decided to move out of the city, trying to imply that he’s a billionaire

Come to think of it so does “Luke Kennard”

Is it called a sandwich board because it’s used to list sandwiches or because it is made out of two slices?

WAIT WAIT WAIT HOW AM I ONLY JUST NOW REALIZING THAT THE NAME SAFARI FOR A WEB BROWSER THAT YOU USE TO SURF THE INTERNET IS A BEACH BOYS JOKE

There are two lessons in the boy who cried wolf

Every song on the self titled st Vincent album would be better in 6

To be clear, are you telling me an old-wives’ tale or an old wives’-tale?

When Bob Dylan dies there’s gonna be lots of knockin on heavens door stuff but the first one to do it as a knock knock joke wins

Idk I just kinda feel like maybe even if you do a thing as a distraction it could still be a bad thing? Like if a pizza place doesn’t want you to talk about the rats on the floor so they openly spit on your slice before they hand it to you, you wouldn’t be like “ignore the spit!”

Don’t count your chickens before they cross the road

Is Val the only name where the most famous one is a dude but all the other ones you know are not?

I’m the kind of person who can talk to anyone about anything, just don’t trust everything I say. Basically, I’m a lot like chatgpt.

Crime in D.C. is at historic lows. Trump isn't calling in the national guard to fight crime; he's doing it as a power play and a test of his authority. If we have to flood the streets with the military during peacetime, just imagine what he'll do during the elections.

I may be losing a step. Had a dream I went to a fast casual lunch place in the Bronx and they had a salad called the wedge is ova.

If a Tesla can be programmed to not hit people, couldn’t a software update make it do the opposite?