Throwback to my #Coronation movie trailer, where I tried to improve upon a septuagenarian sitting on a shiny chair for 3 hours. #comedy #sketch #impressions

Found this on the floor of Manchester airport terminal 3 @VidiotsOfficial Feldheus meatfacery is clearly opening a new branch

The mating display of the shopping trolley. Nature really is beautiful 🥹

It was really sad when Lays Horno died in that podracing crash #Lays #StarWars

Really love the new #DoctorWho #trailer Super interesting direction they’re taking Donna #DoctorWho60

If anyone wanted to poison me they could just slip some arsenic into any Choco Leibnitz and then wait because I’d get round to it eventually

Well #bbcnews is grouchy today

Honestly it’s so hard to affect schools these days

Finally someone gets me

Now that Grant Shapps is Defence Secretary I look forward to Tank deployment being cancelled last minute, and replaced by 2 buses and Derek from number 33 with a pointy stick. #GrantShapps #reshuffle

Been sitting here for an hour trying to work out what I forgot to do. I’m in bed. I was forgetting to go to sleep. I didn’t go to sleep because I was trying to remember that I forgot to go to sleep. I am very tired.

Big “steal your Christmas” energy #TrumpMugShot #TrumpMugShotDay

It’s time to take lizards down a peg or two #comedy #sketch

No I don’t know why there’s a tinfoil pouch of differently sliced pickles in my fridge, and I don’t want to know #ADHD

They’re gonna be gutted when they find out where some of those ‘treasures’ came from. #britishmuseum

Me: Show me a man that doesn’t have commitment issues Them: *Shows picture* Me: No that man has commitment and issues

Finally my cow and sunflower farm is starting to pay off #UK

I see we’re at the “deadly pathogens aren’t really that bad” stage of Britain again, as pioneered by 2021, 2020, and that year the plague killed everyone.

People getting mad that Pokemon are copying Guerilla Games are gonna have their minds blown when they discover that Giraffes exist #HorizonForbbidenWest #HorizenZeroDawn #Pokemon

Never been hunted by a museum before but feeling @NHM_London is gonna try and add me to its taxidermy

I think I’ve found the perfect Kickstarter for you @andrewhunterm Now you can finally make the QI offices smell of moss https://t.co/WxyiydUK52