Daniel Sloss
@Daniel_Sloss
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SPECIALS Daniel Sloss: X, HUBRIS, SOCiO, DARK, http://Jigsaw. BOOK ‘Everyone You Hate is Going to Die’ TOUR+Podcast https://t.co/MPuLht29Wq
Joined February 2009
Daniel Sloss: X - My Mum Makes Chicken Wings!.Stream the latest specials SOCIO and HUBRIS exclusively on FROM THE CREATOR OF NETFLIX HIT SHOWS ‘DARK’ & ‘JIGSAW’ and ‘DANIEL SLOSS: X’. All links to specials, podcast and tour dates:
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Isolation can put a lot of strain on your relationship, so may I suggest watching my stand-up special Jigsaw on Netflix. It's very cathartic and will strengthen your relationship in these upcoming months. The sooner the better, actually.
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Opinions are like assholes, I'll fucking destroy yours.
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Real cool to hear about all you cool legends who don't watch Game of Thrones. You got a cool blog I could read? Maybe another about how you're too cool for joy and fun. Must be so cool being that cool. God you're cool. Bet you hate air too. Fuck you're so cool.
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Fuck yeah.
Let’s all look @Daniel_Sloss right in the eyes, tell him we love him, and that we can’t wait for November 2. #DanielSlossX
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After Life on Netflix is fucking brilliant. Dark as fuck, real, brutal and incredibly funny. Get on it.
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The X tour is now over. 18 months. 40 countries. 277 shows. 1 HBO special. Thousands of you cunts. Thank you to everyone who came. It was a truly incredible experience. Sincerely. It was life changing. Thanks. Now I'm off for a couple of weeks. Fuck off and leave me alone.
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It brings me great pleasure to inform you all that my @netflix special Jigsaw has now caused 10,000 break ups. Thanks to everyone involved. Enjoy your new and better lives. Name your kids after me, I've earned it.
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Fuck yes.
Hey, @Daniel_Sloss-you're a meme on Instagram for abortion rights. Congrats! #AbortionIsAWomansRight
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I've officially finished the final edit of my book Everyone You Hate Is Going To Die. It will be available for purchase on Nov 3rd, but you can pre-order it now. If you like. For now I'm signing it off with the 3 Ws, a la Hank Moody.
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Go duck yourself.
Words matter, and as our understanding of social justice evolves, our language evolves along with it. Here’s how to remove speciesism from your daily conversations.
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Always a pleasure to sign the papers of a divorce I caused. Budapest - you were incredible. See you next tour.
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I’m delighted to announce that my show “Daniel Sloss: X” is now streaming WORLDWIDE* for FREE on (*excluding USA, Canada,Bermuda where it is on HBO and subject to HBO T&C's). Warning: Contains adult themes involving sexual assault and strong language
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Stop asking if this is me, you horrible cunts. I'd never be seen in that shirt.
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Look on the brightside - as a Scotsman it's lovely to see some of the English hate the rest of English as much as we do.
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INDIA! Bengaluru and Mumbai sold out in 10 minutes -we are working on making more tickets available - PLEASE DO NOT BUY TICKETS FROM RESALE SITES OR TOUTS. More news shortly.
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It's gonna be fucking excellent in 30 years when most of you cunts are dead tbh.
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Fucking hell. Michelle Wolf's special on Netflix is phenomenal. I've watched it twice already. Fucking outstanding. So funny.
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Changing your profile pic and posting the photo with the caption "New profile pic" is the online equivalent of walking up to strangers after a haircut, pointing to your head and shouting "HAIRCUT".
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Thanks for the 5 minute twitter suspension to the dweeb who reported me for "threat of violence" coz I said I was going to beat a fictional person to death. I'm going to hunt you down and real gently hug you and play with your hair all consensual and what not. You nerd.
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And that's 100!!!! What a day. Congratulations to everyone. Especially me.
@Daniel_Sloss another successful Sloss divorce. Thank you!.
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I don't. The fact that you idiots are dumb enough to pay to see me live is scam enough. Next year, maybe. When I resent you all more.
hey @Daniel_Sloss do you have merch for sale at your shows ?.
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Mortified.
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Extremely thrilled to have finished my first rib stitch infinity scarf.
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7 years ago I taught Tyson Fury how to do stand-up comedy for charity. I thought the footage was gone. I hoped. Not because of his stand-up. Coz of how I look. My fucking Christ. Shocking.
🤣 Back in 2012, Tyson Fury was asked to put on a short, stand-up comedy performance as part of a charity effort for Sport Relief. This is what happened. [📽️ @BBC]
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Some of you nerds took this as a feminist bashing joke instead of the hysterical fisting joke it was intended as, so nobody tell me I don't have range.
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To the idiots: I am not actually upset by this. It was a joke and I have decided to take the joke as a joke, like a normal, decent human being would do. Please don't ever have the arrogance to assume that any of your meaningless words could ever actually affect me. Nerds.
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I got to create a super hero thanks to @Marvel and it was obviously very much the highlight of my life.
With a thunderous voice and immense strength, comedian @Daniel_Sloss transforms into a mighty Scottish warrior who defeats mystical monsters and protects the highlands in the newest #MakeMeAHero!
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OH MY GOD THEY DID IT HAHAHAHAHA. For those not in the know: I had to go through my Netflix specials with subtitles on. Some were wrong coz my accent is thick and fast. Thought I'd throw in one fake correction, to see if they noticed. They clearly did not.
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"I'm just so random! 🤪🤪🤪".
My Twitter is pretty much complete nonsense at this point.
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If you think this is bad - just wait until the impeachment hearings and the American election. You're not even half way to sad, yet.
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Accidentally got drunk while Christmas shopping so mum's getting a pair of socks and dad's getting chinned if he says anything about it.
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Tonight one of my weird ass fans asked if I would strike a particular pose for a photo. Of course. I thought nothing of it. Now I just recieve this. This is the standard I expect from now on people. If you don't do this with the photos I take with you, y'all fake.
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That's 86 cancelled engagements. Congratulations. See you at the Palladium. X.
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As a Scotsman in America watching USA vs England in the World Cup it was so easy to support the US. Right up until I heard 30 people says "it's offsides!!!" . Offsides. Plural. It's not plural. I'll still support you Yanks, obviously. But get your act together. Twats.
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The fact that Dwayne Johnson hasn't done a Christmas movie is very upsetting. In all honesty all I actually want for Christmas is a remake of Jingle All The Way but with The Rock.
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Coming from a fucking Arsenal fan 😂😂😂😂😂😂.
Never watched Game of Thrones & no desire to. Preposterous waste of eyeball energy.
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8500, 37 cancelled engagements and 46 Divorces. That I know of. So far.
I wonder what the @Daniel_Sloss break up count is? #Jigsaw.
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The most humbling part of success is strangers telling you which incredibly ugly celebrities you remind them of.
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No, I call them cunts, morons or assholes because they all fall in to one of those categories. No exceptions.
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State of this shite. If you're a "moon" please remember that the moon only shines because the suns light reflects off of it. If you're a sun, you're safe. If you're a moon, you are nothing without someone else. Sick analogy, you fucking dweebs.
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30 minutes into me and @kaihumphries shouting abuse at YouTube knitting videos this lovely Northern woman came along and patiently taught us how to knit (and swear) properly. Utter diamond.
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Yeah, I'm touring the show that everyone can watch for free in their homes on Netflix. I'm a big stupid lazy dumbass. Of course it's a new show.
@Daniel_Sloss Is it a new show or jigsaw? I watched that in Netflix +10 times😅.
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"That's not very cash money" has ruined me. Brilliant.
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GET THE FUCK IN I CAN'T FUCKING BREATHE HERE WE FUCKING GO.
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Less than a month til X hits HBO.
Let’s all look @Daniel_Sloss right in the eyes, tell him we love him, and that we can’t wait for November 2. #DanielSlossX
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Friendly 'You're a moron' helpful reminder. I have 2 Netflix specials. They are both streaming worldwide. They are labelled as episode 1&2. Stop searching for Jigsaw and just scroll down, you absolute fucking spanners.
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Nerd.
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Yes. My new differently named tour that I'm making money off is different to the shows that are available worldwide and have already utterly cashed in on. I'm very noble. A true artist.
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This kid, man. What a fucking bloke.
'Egg Boy' to donate money raised for him towards victims of Christchurch terror attack
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Tomorrow is the day I've waited for all my life. I'm going to be on Lorraine. With Lorraine Kelly. My childhood crush. This is my career highlight. Everything else means nothing. (don't tell Conan I said this).
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Anyone who claims to have knitted anything ever is a god damn fucking liar. This shit is impossible. It's a full blown lie and I caught you. Just fucking admit it.
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"Hate Being Left Wing" - new clip from my special "Daniel Sloss: SOCiO", streaming exclusively on My website is the place to look for a 2023-2024 "CAN'T" worldwide tour show near you. (more dates being added)
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Always be careful about professing your undying love for someone on Twitter because it might come back and bite you right in the ass. Exhibit A
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Tried to get the worst photo I could and succeeded. Thanks for the chat @PhillyD It'll be released as a podcast at some point.
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I'm in love with this man.
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Big shout out to @kaihumphries wife, Natalie. She got married in September (looked stunning), didn't get a honeymoon because our tour started the next week and now I sit by the river in Paris drinking wine with her husband. Never question his loyalty. I had him first. Biatch.
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Nice.
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Our venue in Bratislava has this in it. Greatest day of my life.
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Some of you nerds pointed out the subtitles are sometimes wrong on my 2 Netflix specials (streaming worldwide) so now I have to go through and read the subtitles for the mistakes. Which is fine, I talk fast with an accent. But this, @NetflixIsAJoke, I feel attacked.
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Jigsaw.
I’m devastated to announce me and Georgia have split up for reasons I cant bring myself to comment on at the moment. As always I wish her all the best 😔.
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send your highest paid social media intern to tell me where you get off over-charging my fans. That is my job. Thats my idiot money. How dare you.
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Aye, I fucking know its not called "fall", its autumn. But HBO is in America and Canada, so I had to use their words. Contractually. They made me.
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So, the cunt is defending his right to be masculine after he pretended to do a spew and cried on TV after eating a vegan sausage roll?.
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