Dan Altano
@DanAltano
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Following
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Stand up Comedian. I tell jokes on stage.
New York
Joined April 2018
I just read that a college student has created an app that can tell whether AI wrote an essay. The app will be called NARC.
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This Saturday Dan Altano @DanAltano will be performing! Be sure to get your tickets for 7:30pm or 9:30pm. Come on out for a night filled with great food, drinks, and laughter. https://t.co/w74bBUC3MF
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Here’s something you never hear in an autobiography: "But enough about me."
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Olive Garden: When you're here, you're family. The rest of the week, your kids stay with their mother.
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Looking at High School yearbook photos from the 80s has me wondering what the hell were we looking at off into the distance?
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The fact that there’s now a legit Venn diagram of people who think masks make it impossible to breath & those who think 9 minutes of a knee to the neck don’t... That’s probably the easiest way to describe the last year
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This show was so fun to be on. @RUSGUTIN has created a great show!
@Philly_Comedy & @LastOutMedia's RUS GUTIN EXPERIENCE! SPRING BASEBALL FOOD EDITION! w Comic & Host of #DinnersReadyLive, @DanAltano! Showing (R)us & his WIFEY, Dara, how 2 make DAN's recipeS 4 NY vs CHICAGO HOT DOGS! "Run it through the garden" & enjoy! ( https://t.co/V1Pkc8ezTS)
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THIS FRIDAY @ 9 on ZOOM! @Philly_Comedy & @LastOutMedia's RUS GUTIN EXPERIENCE! SPRING BASEBALL FOOD EDITION! w Host of #DinnersReadyLive, @DanAltano! Teaching (R)us & his WIFEY how 2 make DAN's recipeS 4 NY vs. CHICAGO HOT DOGS! Code: (DAN) for $12 TIX: https://t.co/qOtqCDHwaa!
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Why is it that video games let you start over but ex girlfriends don’t?
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Brilliant
April Fool's Day is just one big open mic.
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me on April Fools before 2020: “don’t prank me I’m so gullible hehe!” me now: “I’m one prank away from a full on meltdown if you try anything I swear to god I will snap.” #AprilFoolsDay
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My favorite part of every single movie is the overhead shot of a big city so we don’t have to wonder where it takes place.
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We live in the golden age of conspiracy theories, or so they would have you believe. #tuesdayvibe #conspiracy
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My favorite kind of song is when someone explains a house party as if they’re the first ones to throw one.
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Pfizer & Moderna are superior because they give you 2 shots to earn likes on social media.
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