DPRK News Service
@DPRK_News
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Official News feed of Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea
Pyongyang, DPRK
Joined July 2009
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Last Seen Profiles
Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un sends condolences to US President Donald Trump for recent death of close friend, Jeffrey Epstein.
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Western internet riven between “Team Vampire” and “Team Werewolf.”
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US vice president Steve Bannon steps down from security council, citing desire to spend more time with his malt liquor and methamphetamine.
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Photograph depicting young married man gazing upon buttocks of a harlot is deemed cause for jollity and humor in depraved and decaying west.
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US conservative Dan Bongino announces "Parler," social media service competing with "Twitter" for under-served audience of Klansmen, auto-erotic noose fetishists, and human chia pets.
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New York Fashion Week hardens resolve of Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un to annihilate United States, utterly and without remorse.
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Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un scores impressive 99 kills in first match of new computer game "Fortnite."
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"Halloween" is western ritual day on which beleaguered peasants surrender food to masked terrorists in return for one year of peace.
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United States senator Ben Sasse, famed for his principles and moral character, deeply regrets that his primary principle of political cowardice will prevent him from voting for Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson.
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Personal doctor of Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un attests that Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un has the strength of 100 men.
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Donald Trump son-in-law Jared Kushner, fresh from triumph over Coronavirus and negotiating Middle East peace, announces he will step in to save failing Donald Trump campaign.
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Ministry of Tourism denies request for refugee status by US investor Jacob Wohl, on grounds that scorn and ridicule do not constitute political oppression.
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Donald Trump senior strategist Steven Bannon resigns citing need to spend more time with his family, his cocaine, and his Thunderbird Wine.
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Bolivian guerilla leader detained at Cancun nightclub, offers wife as hostage in his place.
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Notoriously inbred Royal Family of England set to add American beauty in attempt to rejuvenate gene pool, sources say.
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Donald Trump awarded participation trophy, in recognition that every United States president is special.
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Court of Imperial Russia said to be dominated by sinister magician.
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Obscure disease "measles" cripples US city of Seattle, in wartorn Washington province, due to superstitious belief by local primitives that vaccination is harmful.
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United States wrapper Kayne West announces presidential candidacy, citing lack of ignorant, boorish, attention-seeking narcissists in race.
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US city of Los Angeles is upgraded from secondary to primary missile target upon news that "millennial Youtube celebrity" Logan Paul is resident.
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Marshal Kim Jong-Un does not consume untested anti-malarial drugs.
Winners do not consume untested anti-malarial drugs.
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US Warlord Donald Trump poses for inaugural photo with First Lady Ivanka Trump and unknown idiot.
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US congressman Elijah Cummings (seen here posing with unidentified Cuban “boat people” man) remembered for willingness to befriend all, no matter how shameful their station in life.
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Piteous impotent Donald Trump boasts of his minuscule nuclear "button."
Marshal Kim Jong-Un possesses long, virile, and manly nuclear keyboard.
North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un just stated that the “Nuclear Button is on his desk at all times.” Will someone from his depleted and food starved regime please inform him that I too have a Nuclear Button, but it is a much bigger & more powerful one than his, and my Button works!
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Generalissimo David Clarke is forced to flee Republic of Milwaukee, as ruling junta falls to democratic forces.
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Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un is named Best Dressed Man in Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea for ninth consecutive year!
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Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un reconsiders need to destroy United States, as United States destroys itself with utter and magnificent efficiency
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Thanksgiving is United States holiday on which college students return home to eat lavish meals at expense of elders, and to berate their elders concerning perceived moral failings.
In Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea, impertinent children are beaten into silence.
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U.S. "Oscar" awards expected to feature fabulously rich Hollywood stars lecturing peasants concerning their moral failings.
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UNITED STATES COMPUTER COMPANY BOWS BEFORE UNITED KOREAN PEOPLE AND 300,000 STRONG WORLD JUCHE MOVEMENT!
10,000 YEARS OF LIFE TO MARSHAL KIM JONG-UN!
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Ladies, if he:
-provides food for your family
-fights Japanese bandits
-adheres to proper ideology
-is grandmaster of chess
-defeats bears in unarmed combat
-maintains your missiles
He is not your man. He is Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un, Father to All Children, Defender of Widows
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"Boobs" is leading topic of discussion on United States computer bulletin board Twitter.
DPRK continues refinement of missile technology.
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New painting, of high ideological value, depicts Hebrew prophet Jesus of Nazareth struggling in vain to correct the errors of Donald Trump.
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"So wait, you're telling me that Socrates was largely a literary invention of Plato, and that Plato may not have been representing the arguments of sophists in good faith?"
"Yes. It is true."
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Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un prefers to remain "good friends" with Donald Trump.
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Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un enjoys well-deserved "staycation" at home.
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Weeping United States peasants leave crops untended, as they urinate upon themselves in terror at Marshal Kim Jong-Un Solar Shade technology
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Better health than you, dude.
Kim Jong Un is in good health. Never underestimate him!
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United States lifts ban on "barbaric" hunting practices against bears, such as grease baiting, strobe lights, and cub slaughter, to appease the degenerate lusts of Donald Trump's sons.
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Gotham City jury convicts infamous Penguin, thanks to efforts of District Attorney Harvey Dent and masked vigilante.
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Canadian president Justin Trudeau reveals he is white.
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Brazil president Jair Bolsonaro tests positive for karma.
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Mass boycott of US computer company Twitter by women leaves western men bereft of oppression studies and critical gender theory discussion.
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Marshal Kim Jong-Un regretfully declines invitation to attend Donald Trump farewell ceremony, due to “Taco Wednesday” obligations.
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Kamala Harris faces strong challenge in overcoming natural warmth and charm of Michael Pence, experts say.
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US city of of California-Berkeley under state of siege, as rootless cosmopolitan insurgent terrorizes peoples with demands for free speech.
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Orange-faced oaf Donald Trump threatens DPRK with "fire and fury," yet delivers only wind and flatulence.
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Disgusting abomination known as "Brooklyn Barbecue" hardens resolve of Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un to purify New York with fire.
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"Surprise sex" enthusiast and condom-vandal Julian Assange reveals secrets of masculinity, to adoring women from his underground lair.
Women, I will let you in on a male secret. Men know that constantly self-proclaiming male 'feminists' are often predatory sleaze bags. They are intensely disliked by other men because of their manipulative qualities and not, in general, because they are viewed to be sex traitors.
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Bewildered horse appears saddened and dismayed at being forced to bear disease-ridden groin of Noted United States Pervert Roy Moore.
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After 48 year career of boredom and dullness, United States reporter Charlie Rose finally breaks interesting news story.
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Pathetic US fascists protest removal of slaveholding rebel icon bearing citronella torches, to protect girlish soft skin from insect bites.
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Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un can walk on ramps of many different grades.
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Rash of armed US Bourgeouise citizens threatening Proletariat likely due to influence of violent electronic games, sources say.
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Tucker Carlson is U.S. actor best known for beloved comedies portraying antics of uneducated simpletons, hayseeds, and rubes.
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Donald Trump to celebrate killing more Americans than confederate rebel Robert E. Lee with speech at Gettysburg battlefield.
We have narrowed the Presidential Nomination Acceptance Speech, to be delivered on the final night of the Convention (Thursday), to two locations - The Great Battlefield of Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, and the White House, Washington, D.C. We will announce the decision soon!
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Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un consults cutting edge anti-virus strategists.
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Termination of US news reporter Matt Lauer is devastating blow to enthusiasts of vapid morning banter with mindless celebrities.
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US Border Patrol finds legendary creature “chupacabra” in drainage ditch along US-Mexico border.
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Peasants of Australia cheered by visit from descendant of English kings who exiled their ancestors to starvation in barren wasteland.
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Marshal Kim Jong-Un has capacity to unleash 560 character "tweet."
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Donald Trump tests positive for karma.
Tonight,
@FLOTUS
and I tested positive for COVID-19. We will begin our quarantine and recovery process immediately. We will get through this TOGETHER!
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Early battlefield reverses lead to urgent consultations with obese Rasputin impersonator.
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"Masturbation in hotel lobbies" now surpasses yachting and golf as most favored amusement of US male celebrities.
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Failed attempt at missile launch by US NASA agency leaves two incompetent workers stranded in space.
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Conviction of pharmacist Martin Shkreli demonstrates continued United States bigotry against smirking asses whose faces demand to be punched
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FACT CHECK: Claim by English reporter Piers Morgan to having "many friends" is deemed false.
I have many friends who have different political views to me.
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Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un is forced to emphasize, once again, that he is not in the market for a luxury condominium of any sort.
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Infamous "Penguin" laughs at Gotham City police and prosecutors, assured he will be freed by powerful friends in Washington.
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Western cultural institution known as “Walk of Shame,” previously thought to occur only between midnight and 6am, can take place during daylight hours, latest data show.
Following his "60 Minutes" interview, Trump did not smile to greet cheering supporters as he departed the White House.
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American soldier with lactation difficulties relentlessly mocked by large-breasted Fox News dancer.
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Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un has not yet begun to insult syphilitic and depraved human bowel drainage tube Donald Trump.
Why would Kim Jong-un insult me by calling me "old," when I would NEVER call him "short and fat?" Oh well, I try so hard to be his friend - and maybe someday that will happen!
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Court of Imperial Russia relieved to be rid of infamous charlatan.
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Donald Trump, squinting at partially eclipsed sun without protective lenses, proves himself to be an utter incompetent, jackass, and fool.
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United States interweb bloviator Joe Rogan tests positive for horse worms.
Will receive the best veterinary care capitalism can provide.
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U.S. celebrity throat model Ann Coulter is ejected from Air Koryo Pyongyang-Beijing shuttle, for terroristic threats and speaking English.
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Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un has never inhaled cocaine from a prostitute's rump, while aboard a yacht.
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Euphoric side effect of mind-altering steroid dexamethasone manifests as scheduled.
I will be leaving the great Walter Reed Medical Center today at 6:30 P.M. Feeling really good! Don’t be afraid of Covid. Don’t let it dominate your life. We have developed, under the Trump Administration, some really great drugs & knowledge. I feel better than I did 20 years ago!
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Well loved dramatic actor “Carrot Top” retires from Broadway, due to radiation poisoning.
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US Citizens and media in disarray as US President Donald Trump violates US custom of keeping racism Implicit in nature.
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Stunned by world outcry, US government halts order allowing elephant slaughter. US government slaughter of Afghans, Syrians, and Yemenis to continue.
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United States television celebrity Josh Duggar (left) poses for publicity alongside unidentified degenerate.
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Self-styled American "patriots" brutally slay harmless jaguars for amusement of uncultured louts in US city of Boston.
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United States "super bowl" is annual ritual in which vicious, land-grabbing gold miners brutalize noble Indian chiefs, before audience of millions.
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'Cause I wonder where you are,
And I wonder what you do.
Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart,
For I haven't got a clue,
But let me start by saying, I love you.
Hello, is it me you're looking for?
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They will not.
Getting ready to leave for South Korea and meetings with President Moon, a fine gentleman. We will figure it all out!
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Bizzare development of Kim Yo Jong into international sex symbol likely due to depraved oversexed incompetent western media, sources say.
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"Black Friday" is United States holiday on which journalists and similar educated workers mock the poor, for aspiring to own affordable consumer products.
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US reporter Molly Fast is ordered to cease and desist use of "Jong" as surname name, due to likelihood of confusion.
Ministry of Information suggests "Jerome" as acceptable English substitute.
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Sickly and bedraggled US oligarch Hillary Clinton announces plans to "emerge from woods," after subsisting on roots and grubs for 4 months.
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UPDATE: PERSECUTED INDIAN CHIEFS OVERTHROW TYRANNICAL BILLIONAIRES OF SAN FRANCISCO, IN VICTORY FOR COMMUNISM!
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Keynote speakers at US republican convention preparing to denounce threat posed by children who suffer speech impediments.
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