Cyrus McQueen
@CyrusMMcQueen
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Husband. Father. Comic. Writer. NBC's Last Comic Standing. Author of Tweeting Truth To Power. My show The Chocolate Scot is part of EdFinge 2023!
Brooklyn, USA
Joined May 2013
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Last Seen Profiles
What’s truly revealing is that men like Trump and Kanye talk about how great they are... where truly great men like Elijah Cummings and Barack Obama... they choose to talk about how great WE are...
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Man, did y’all hear Obama speak at Elijah Cummings funeral? I tell ya, I hadn’t had a hit of Obama in ages... And that felt SO good... Now I done fell off the wagon... I’m out here chasing down YouTube clips... anything I can get my hands on... just binging Barack... I got it bad
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I’m not risking my life around a buncha people in the park... I’m not risking it at a beach, restaurant or the movies... But best believe I will risk it all on November 3rd to vote this motherfucker out... I’ll wear a damn hazmat suit if I have to...
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A 29-year-old man who shot up a Waffle House could’ve walked into any Starbucks in the country and been treated like a customer... The 29-year-old man who disarmed him could’ve walked into any Starbucks in America and been treated like a criminal. We’re living in the upside down.
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How uncomfortable do you think this Red Hen experience must’ve been for
#SarahSanders
? Certainly not as uncomfortable as being separated from your mother at six years old and sleeping on a warehouse floor... So she got turned away at a restaurant... I really don’t care, do you?
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Forget Justin Trudeau, Candace Owens is the white person in blackface I’m most offended by...
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If they could impeach a President for the stain he left on a dress, we can impeach a President for the stain he’s left on our Democracy...
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Still can’t believe Georgians chose Brian Kemp over Stacy Abrams... It’s like the worst custody battle... they could’ve chosen an erudite, Ivy League grad but now they’re living with an alcoholic father who doesn’t care if they wear seatbelts... point is, he’s gonna get em killed
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Wow, Deshaun Watson was suspended by the NFL for 6 games… He’s accused of assaulting 25 women… Colin Kaepernick knelt to protest police brutality and he’s now been “suspended” for 5 years… Shows what little value the NFL places on women… and Black lives for that matter…
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I’m so sick of these motherfuckers... tryin to say Obama was terrible... Next time they start with that bullshit be like, show me the tape. Seriously, provide a fuckin clip where Obama is saying something hateful, or egregious, or unbecoming of a President. Go ahead, I’ll wait...
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Let Black people jog… let us breathe… let us sleep… let us grill… let us shop… let us laugh… let us swim… let us drive… let us golf… let us party… let us birdwatch… let us play… let us pray… let us sit on our sofas… let us learn… let us live…
#AhmaudArbery
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Just got back from the pediatrician… Molly got four vaccinations and barely cried… Can’t believe Aaron Rodgers is a bigger baby than my baby…
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That crowd laughing last night at Christine Blasey Ford proved why Mississippi is ranked 50th in the country in Education...
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Just did a sold out show in Jersey... 220 people eating out the palm of my hand for 45 minutes... Until I went into my Trump material... a table of 6 got up and left, booing all the way out... the crowd then turned on them, cheered in unison and drowned out their boos. It was 🤯
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Trump won’t travel five minutes for the troops but will go all the way to Mississippi for a woman who dresses up as a Confederate soldier... 🤔
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Donald and Melania Trump complain an awful lot about being treated unfairly, where Barack and Michelle Obama didn’t complain at all about being treated unfairly, despite the fact that Barack and Michelle Obama were treated unfairly by, you guessed it, Donald and Melania Trump. 🤷🏽♂️
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I may get in trouble for sayin it quite this way but, fuck it: With the amount of time he spends on his phone, creating and engaging in superfluous drama, Trump behaves more like a teenage girl while Greta Thunberg, she behaves like the true leader this country, and world, needs.
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I honestly don’t fuckin get it, the VA should be like fuckin Club Med... They should provide thee best mental health services, thee best holistic and recuperative services. Just everything possible... They destroy these fuckin kids and don’t do a goddamn thing to rebuild them...
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I miss having a cool President... 😭
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Colin Kaepernick protests police brutality and can’t get a job on another team but a police officer can brutally kill a 12-year-old and get a job at another precinct?
#TamirRice
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All the shit Obama coulda said about W... Think about it. If ANYONE coulda thrown their predecessor under the bus, it was Obama... Unnecessary war, recession... and you didn’t hear a damn thing. He just rolled up his sleeves and pulled this country up... cause he was a PRESIDENT!
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What no one’s mentioned is how curious it is that Trump insisted on conversing with Putin alone when, he didn’t insist on conversing with Theresa May alone... He didn’t insist on conversing with Angela Merkel alone... He didn’t insist on conversing with Justin Trudeau alone... 🤔
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I got no room left for outrage at Joe Biden... Trump’s got all my outrage... ALL of it... And yes, Biden is right, you vote for Trump you ain’t black...
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Lindsey Graham is a fuckin disgrace. A spineless, soulless, pathetic punk. He waxes on about his great friend John McCain then promptly puckers up to a President that attempted to disparage his legacy. I know it’s politics but, dammit you got to have some integrity in this world.
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Just got off the family Mother’s Day Zoom call... My grandmother’s the best... She had her dress on, makeup... and before we log off she goes, “Y’all be safe and if ya go out make sure you gotcha mask and stay away from folks... Don’t listen to the government, listen to grandma!”
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Melania dyed her hair, Stephen Miller added some hair... If Sarah Sanders shows up with a fuckin bob I’m gonna lose it... Who gets a makeover on the Titanic anyway? What, a new hairdo’s supposed to distract from the fact that you’re barreling towards an iceberg?
#MondayMotivation
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Anyone upset about Obama goin to concerts instead of stumping can kiss my ass. After all he gave this world he can fuckin walk around in a bathrobe wearing socks and slides, hittin the vape pen and hangin out with Biden playin chess and dominoes and brunching it up for all I care
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For a cop to mistakenly walk into a black mans apt and kill him speaks volumes about our society. Had she mistakenly walked into a white woman’s apt, she likely would’ve paused. But black skin has been so connected with criminality, there was no pause, just a deadly conclusion...
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Why the fuck would you have Trump at the opening of a Civil Rights Museum any goddamn way?? That’s like havin Roy Moore chaperone a Junior Prom...
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Remember when Charles Manson was just a madman encouraging his brainwashed supporters to kill innocent people in the hopes of sparking a race war? Well imagine he became President...
#WhiteSupremacistTerrorism
#TrumpsTerrorists
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A pregnant woman detained at the border miscarried after being denied medical attention... Republicans like to say they have a problem with killing babies but, it kinda seems like they don’t have a problem with killing babies... 🤷🏽♂️
#ScotusPick
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Apparently Lori Loughlins daughter is an ‘influencer’ but, what the fuck is she influencing? When did dumb become influential? What, cause she’s hawking mascara? I bet there’s some brilliant young woman who doesn’t wear makeup, huddled in a lab right now working on a cancer cure.
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This Meghan and Harry news is powerful... You got white folks in America who cling to race because it provides a sense of primacy... This dude is willing to give up ACTUAL primacy... the castles and servants and regalia... and all because he loves a black woman... it’s exemplary.
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Melania said comedians and journalists use Trump to ‘advance themselves’?? Almost like a certain nude model who could barely speak English and thought it would be best to hitch her wagon to a wealthy businessman in order to stay in the country...
#ThursdayThoughts
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My best friends father-in-law died last night from this fuckin virus and the President of the United States is on television bragging about his fuckin ratings! I hate him with every fiber of my motherfucking being!! 🤬
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I’m tired of people saying we have to be better, we have to be civil... Fuck dat. Obama was better, Obama was civil, and they took his kindness and called it a Kenyan... This country shows little respect to black men, yet alone erudite ones... So some times you gotta fuckin roar!
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My neighborhood in NYC is a hodgepodge of humanity. Yemenis run my bodega, Koreans run my dry cleaners, Hasidic Jews run my coffee shop, Puerto Rican’s run my diner, Jamaicans run my barbershop. But I’ve never thought: I wish they’d speak English. Such thinking is deeply flawed.
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The same people who hate Kaepernick are now embracing Kanye? So, they hate a black man who kneels but, they love a black man who doesn’t stand for anything...
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Last I checked Ilhan Omar, like Melania Trump, was a naturalized citizen. And she didn’t flash her tits, and fuck a rich, racist dragon to earn her place. She is a United States Congresswoman! And it would be best to send that Slovenian bag of Botox back to where SHE came from...
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Trump just tweeted “CALM DOWN AND ENJOY THE RIDE”?? That’s exactly what a rapist would say... I dunno about y’all but, I’d very much like to get off this ride... I’d like this ride to come to an end...
#NewYearsDay
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If Peter Strzok can be fired for texting anti-Trump sentiments, I’d be curious to see the phone records of every bitch ass Republican in DC from 2008 through 2016... Yeah, cause we know they didn’t have anything bad to say about Obama...
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Trump said he may ask the FBI to review its use of force after Roger Stone’s arrest? Damn you’d think he got shot in his backyard holding a cell phone or in the back multiple times or choked out until he couldn’t breathe or taken on a rough ride in the back of a paddy wagon... 🚓
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Andrew McCabe’s wife lost a statewide election in Virginia and he revealed that in their first conversation Trump said, “Ask your wife what it feels like to be a loser”... 🤨 THAT is what a piece of dog shit this President is... Who in their ever loving mind says that?
#60Minutes
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Wow, Lindsey Graham called Colin Kaepernick a loser on and off the field? Well, at least when Kaepernick takes a knee the Russians don’t use it to blackmail him...
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My wife’s like, “I need to run into Target real quick”… I’m like, what do you need to get in Target? She goes, “Target will let me know what I need when I get there”… 🤨
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The only
#PresidentialAlert
I wanna get is when that mothafucka is removed from office...
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Tom Brokaw said Hispanics need to work harder at assimilation? Interesting... I think old white men need to work harder at not being unconscionably racist... What in the actual fuck...
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Literally just shook hands with Robert DeNiro at a cafe in Manhattan and now I’m literally shaking...
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Kayleigh McEnany says Obama’s pandemic plan ‘was insufficient’ which is why it was ‘superseded by a President Trump-style pandemic preparedness response plan’... Really? And how’s that workin out? Seems he’d rather let 85,000 people die than listen to a black man.
#TrumpHasNoPlan
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Wow, Megyn Kelly is doing a sit down interview with Joe Biden’s accuser? I guess she must be having a difficult time getting in touch with one of the 25 women who’ve accused Trump...
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What’s with all this Michael Flynn was a General therefore he shouldn’t receive jail time bullshit? I’m sorry, wasn’t Benedict Arnold a General too? Fuck outta here... A sell out is a sell out...
#TuesdayThoughts
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Trump just said he wants to meet the whistleblower... says he deserves to meet his ‘accuser’... Funny, I can think of about 18 other accusers he deserves to meet...
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How the fuck is Trumps approval rating still at 44%?? 44% of people can’t be that blind to a bad job. If 44% of people paid to have their house painted, and they came home to it being bulldozed, they would NOT approve... And that’s basically what’s happenin with Wreck-it-Ralph...
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What I can’t wrap my head around is how Republicans will circle the wagons around truly heinous and despicable motherfuckers like Roy Moore... yet our Democratic leadership, the Schumer’s and Pelosi’s of the Party, won’t do the same for a righteous firebrand like Maxine Waters...
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My Aunt Deborah had, perhaps, the best take yet on Trump... “He a damn crackhead! Up twittering at 2:30 in the morning. That’s some crackhead stuff! Obama wasn’t up at that time. He was sleep cause he worked hard all day. Trump don’t do shit, that’s why he be up! Damn crackhead!”
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Bought a brand new highlighter yellow Carhart beanie that looks fresh to def with my winter coat... Can’t find it... It’s freezing... So I text my wife, have you seen my new hat? And she sends me this...
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We’re living in a country where people of color get arrested for selling snacks and eating sandwiches while white politicians and their kids get to violate the constitution and remain free to write dumb ass books about it...
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Trump tweets “All is well” after it appears Iran’s missile strike didn’t generate US casualties... But no... All is not well... HE is unwell... and everyone who supports him is unwell... Using American lives to save your political life is the work of a coward... We deserve better
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Dunna nunna nunna...
TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!!!
Dunna nunna nunna...
IT’S MY BIRTHDAY, OOH YEAH!!!
Dunna nunna nunna...
TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!!!
Dunna nunna nunna...
I’M GONNA HAVE A GOOD TIME!!!
🎊🎉🎈🎁🎂
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Why the fuck would a Supreme Court nominee give an interview to FOX News as opposed to, I dunno, NPR, NBC, CBS, PBS, ABC, the BBC or CNN? A Network known for mishandling allegations and perpetuating the problem, and culture of sexual harassment, probably not the best place to go.
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Manafort only got 47 months?! What in the actual fuck?! So you can get more time for some goddamn weed than treason?! This mothafuckin piece of fuckin dog shit, I fuckin cannot stand all this fuckin goddamn motherfuckin double standard misscarriage of fuckin justice in America...
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Just so I'm clear, Trump wants us to boycott players who
#TakeTheKnee
, but not White Supremacists who actually salute the Confederate Flag?
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Brett Kavanaugh represents everything that’s wrong with America. A privileged punk who’s bulldozed his way through life with zero accountability, walking through doors that are otherwise locked for many of us. A bad man who’s bad behavior has always been rewarded.
#KavanaughVote
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Trump just ran a commercial touting the fact that he freed one black woman from prison... I wanna see the commercial where he finally frees thousands of children from cages...
#SuperBowl
#SuperBowl2020
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Happy 85th Birthday to my Grandma Norma Jean!!! 🥳🍾🎁🎊🎉🎂
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Some asshole Republican was just on tv sayin John Lewis missed an opportunity to educate Trump by not going to the Museum opening... Mothafucka, Trump is broken. He’s BROKEN! He’s a bucket with a hole in it. Whatever you put in that feeble head of his is comin right the fuck out.
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My wife being from the UK and me being from Boston definitely has an affect on our household. Like, when I’m home before her and the apartments a mess, I rush around straightening up... I’ll shout ‘The British are coming! The British are coming!’ as I’m washing all the dishes...
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I just dawned on me, who the fuck do you get to sing at Aretha Franklins funeral?! I mean...
#FridayFeeling
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They want white kids to admire Tim Tebow... They don’t want Black kids admiring Colin Kaepernick... 💯
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Trumps rise was tough to watch... But his fall? Oh, this gon be FUN...
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It’s funny how Republicans demanded Obama’s birth certificate when we should be the ones demanding Cindy Hyde-Smith’s... cause ain’t no way she’s 59...
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John McCain lost the thing he wanted more than anything because of Barack Obama, and he then chose to have him speak at his funeral. Trump never even faced off against Obama yet he harbors a hatred for him that is incommensurate with anything he’s done to him... It speaks volumes
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Fathers be fixin shit!! My father-in-law has fixed the hinge on the bedroom door, the towel rack in the bathroom, AND the jammed drawer in the kitchen. In one week he’s single handedly gotten me outta all the shit my wife’s been gettin on me about for a year...
#ChristmasDay2018
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Oh how far we have fallen... Remember a couple of years ago when Paula Deen lost everything for being racist? Well, we basically just elected her to the Senate... And Cindy Hyde-Smith don’t even look like she can make good stuffing...
#SundayMorning
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For someone who doesn’t want black people in his buildings it’s funny how Don Lemon and LeBron James are living in Trumps head rent free...
#SundayMorning
#AMJoy
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This Ronan Farrow revelation is something else... This dude Kavanaugh was literally playing dick in a box at Yale... It never ceases to amaze me how much privileged white boys party and the dumb, destructive shit they get away with... Well, until now...
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Trey Gowdy looks like the type of dude you see outside a shitty club in Daytona Beach selling Molly out of his Dodge Neon with his drugged up teenaged Vietnamese boyfriend nodding out in the passenger seat...
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I don’t wannna hear shit about AOC, a young Latina who overachieved in America where she never had the benefit of the wind being at her sails, while we celebrate Ivanka Trump who’s importance has been inflated and who’s lack of savoir faire has proven an international disgrace...
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Funny how they’re tryna shame Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez for a video from when she was 18... if you wanted to view a video of Melania Trump when she was 18... well, you’d have to be over the age of 18...
#FridayFeeling
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Ever notice how you’ll meet Liberals who were raised Conservative but you’ll never meet Conservatives who were raised Liberal? It’s because Conservatism is a flawed ideology predicated on ignorance and stagnation. It’s for losers who won’t stand outside their parents shadow...
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My pops was among the first group of black men selected to the Honor Guard in the US Army after it was fully integrated... Shout outs to all the men and women, past and present, who fought and sacrificed for our country...
#VeteransDay
#ThankYouForYourService
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I can’t believe Trump called Melania the “new Jackie O”... Guess we’ve gone from Camelot to Camel Toe, huh?
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I swear you can’t make his shit up... The White House is now investigating who leaked the Russian bounty story... Mind you, they’re not investigating Russia... they’re investigating who TOLD on Russia... this is your President...
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Shout outs to Andrew Gillum and Stacey Abrams who took on prejudice and the patriarchy and didn’t once flinch in the face of unmitigated evil... They may have lost their respective battles but their strength and integrity have ultimately helped us in this war against intolerance.
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Trump attacks Obama’s intelligence because he himself is dumb... He attacks John McCain’s heroism because he himself is weak... He attacks Beto O’Rourke’s hands because he himself is hung like a mushroom... He is a dumb, weak, mushroom wielding, worthless, soulless piece of shit.
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Since when did impeaching Trump and winning in 2020 become mutually exclusive? Call me crazy but, I’m pretty sure we can do both...
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It’s amazing how men who were afraid to fight wars aren’t afraid to start them... Iraq... Afghanistan... Iran... World War 3... Dumb ass, punk ass rich boys have ruined the last 20 years... but the black guy was the problem?
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Just let this sink in: The Treasury Secretary meets with lawmakers the other day to lift sanctions on a Russian Billionaire so that he, ostensibly, can make Billions more... But if you’re in the United States Coast Guard, you’re having a garage sale? The fuckery is flabbergasting
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Trump just said at his rally, ‘The media has a responsibility to set a civil tone’... What in the actual fuck?! As my wife so eloquently put it, “What a piece of shit he is”...
#MAGABomber
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Mike Pompeo looks like he orders the family meal from the KFC drive-thru and eats it all in an empty Home Depot parking lot while sitting in his Volvo listening to Alex Jones and intermittently crying in his mashed potatoes as he scrolls through pictures of women who rejected him
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Omigod... My wife just made me a hot cocoa and it was honestly the highlight of my week... If you haven’t had hot cocoa in a while, by all means, HAVE some hot cocoa... Blow on that shit, sip it real slow... and if ya got marshmallows, throw some of them bad boys in there too...
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@adribbleofink
Saw my future wife on the subway but never asked her out. A week later I see her again. This time I approach her and go “I saw you once before and never said anything and if I didn’t say anything today, I’d be kicking myself forever! She then replies “Actually, it was TWO times.”
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Say what you will about Bill Clinton but, at least he got impeached over sex... Trump just fucked himself...
#IMPEACHMENTVOTE
#ImpeachmentDay
#Impeached
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What’s truly incredible is, when you really think about it, Vindman was born in the former Soviet Union and decided to work on behalf of the United States... Donald Trump was born in the United States and decided to work on behalf of the former Soviet Union...
#ImpeachmentHearing
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Imagine hating a President who brought millions of Americans healthcare and loving a President who got millions of Americans sick...
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