Creative Rants
@Creative_Rants
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The personal rants of an Apple Store Creative
Today at Apple sessions
Joined September 2012
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Pinned Tweet
When customers ask me to "just be completely honest" with them
#Apple
#Retail
http://t.co/4zcuEGtBgs
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The new AirPods look the same. How is anyone at Starbucks supposed to know I’m better than them and their old AirPods?
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539
2K
One iPhone feature no one ever talks about is never having to see a status bar like this. What kind of psychopath lives like this?!
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2K
Customers: It just won’t turn on. I can’t believe it. No I didn’t buy AppleCare. I thought Apple products didn’t fail. I’m so careful with it. Honestly, it never leaves my bedroom.
Also Customers:
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1K
Wow it only took a global pandemic for some of you to realize you CAN in fact reset your Apple ID password from home instead of harassing Apple retail employees
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1K
BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 14 BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 14 BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 14 BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 14 BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 14 BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 14 BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 14 BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 14 BACKUP B
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1K
iPhone Leather Wallet with MagSafe is designed to increase you efficiency, allowing you to lose your iPhone and your wallet at the same time 🙃
#AppleEvent
#iPhone12
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1K
Apple customers before they end up crying over lost photos at the Genius Bar
STOP TELLING ME TO USE ICLOUD.
Thank you all very much.
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14
179
1K
Your local Apple Store has stronger security that the U.S. Capitol smh
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First time Apple Store customers trying to find the checkout line
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“For the next game, you need to remember your Apple ID email and password”
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Customers showing up to their local Apple stores during the pandemic
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1K
Me waking up 47 seconds before I have to login to a webex meeting
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Customer: I don’t know what to do here. Forgive me, I’m not good with technology.
The prompt screen:
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iPhone: *please select your language*
Customer: What do I do?
Me: What does it say?
Customer: *stares blankly*
Me:
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Customers: I WAS TOLD BY APPLECARE!
!⃝ This claim is disputed by official sources.
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Apple retail getting ready for iPhone launch this morning
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735
Customer: *looking over new 16” MacBook Pro*
“It looks nice I guess, but I’m not buying another one until Apple starts making them with CD drives again”
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BREAKING NEWS: President Biden signs executive order to increase free iCloud storage to 6GB by 2025
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We are 12 generations of iPhone in and people are still shocked glass is not indestructible
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Me continuing to test negative while everyone else I know gets Covid
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The only resolutions y’all should be making for 2019 are backing up your data and remembering your fucking Apple ID passwords
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🚨🚨🚨 BREAKING NEWS — Phone made of glass breaks when dropped — MORE AT 11…
Durability Tests Suggest New iPhones Can Survive Some Drops, But Still Break From Major Falls by
@julipuli
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Customer: Yeah, I’ve had iPhones for years since the first one. I’ll never switch!
iPhone setup screen: Enter your Apple ID
Customer: So what do I do here?
Me:
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Customer: Are you sure it’s out of stock? Can you double check to see if you have it in the back?
Me in the back of the store for 15 minutes:
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Shoutout to everyone who put on a brave face today after asking for Airpods this Christmas, only to unwrap a pair of these bad boys
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Apple: Faster, lighter, more efficient, quieter, …
Us: Okay
Apple: The chime is back
Us:
#AppleEvent
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This is how CEOs will hop on webex to do mass layoffs
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Dear Customers,
(•_•)
<) )╯We don't
/ \
\(•_•)
( (> have any
/ \
(•_•)
<) )> fucking AirPods
/ \
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Customers after sitting down at the Genius Bar and loudly asking “What kind of bar doesn’t serve drinks?”
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If your upgrading to your 8th new iPhone and you still don’t understand why backups and knowing your Apple ID password are important by now we’re just going to confiscate your iPhone and give you a flip phone to use because it’s all you deserve sorry I don’t make the rules pal 🤷♂️
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┏━━┓┏━━┓┏━━┓┏━━┓
┗━┓┃┃┏┓┃┗━┓┃┃┏┓┃
┏━┛┃┃┃┃┃┏━┛┃┃┃┃┃
REMEMBER UR APPLE ID PSWRD
┃┏━┛┃┃┃┃┃┏━┛┃┃┃┃
┃┗━┓┃┗┛┃┃┗━┓┃┗┛┃
┗━━┛┗━━┛┗━━┛┗━━┛
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When iOS 14’s featured photo widget hits you with photo from prequarantine life
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When you ask them new Apple Store specialists for help with your older iPhone
#AbbottElementary
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No other article has better conveyed the current Apple Retail environment.
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The new AirPods Pro look the same. How is anyone at Starbucks supposed to know I’m better than them and their old AirPods Pro?
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BACKUP YOUR DATA YOU HAVE THE TIME BACKUP YOUR DATA YOU HAVE THE TIME BACKUP YOUR DATA YOU HAVE THE TIME BACKUP YOUR DATA YOU HAVE THE TIME BACKUP YOUR DATA YOU HAVE THE TIME BACKUP YOUR DATA YOU HAVE THE TIME BACKUP YOUR DATA YOU HAVE THE TIME BACKUP YOUR DATA YOU HAVE THE TIME
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BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 16 BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 16 BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 16 BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 16 BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 16 BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 16 BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 16 BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 16
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Me: Hello, may I ask who I’m speaking with?
Customer: I’VE BEEN USING APPLE PRODUCTS SINCE THE 80’S
Me: Ah ok, what’s your name?
Customer: I HAVE AN IPHONE AND 2 IPADS
Me:
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📍Customers
|
|
| _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
|
📍Common sense |
📍Basic physics |
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _|
|
|
|
📍”The screen cracked by itself”
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After this global coronavirus pandemic forces our country to collapse we will have to reorganize our society into 3 distinct classes:
1. AirPods Pro owners
2. AirPods owners
3. Peasants
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Overheard at the Genius Bar:
Customer: Can’t you guys just call me when your done fixing my phone?
Genius: How?
Customer: With a phone duh. It’s not that hard.
Genius: …
Customer: …
Customer: Oooh 🤦♂️
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“Touch ID is so much easier”
- a person who has never
lived with Face ID
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Apple giving repair parts and tools to the same people that can’t reset their own Apple ID passwords with out help:
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450
iOS13 Feature Request: a “never play this fucking song again” button in Apple Music 🙏
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Me watching customers buy brand new iPhones when there’s a product announcement on next week
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Me before
#AppleEvent
: My current devices get the job done. I have everything I need. I don’t need to spend more money.
Me after
#AppleEvent
: My current devices are useless. My life is incomplete and lacks meaning without these new Apple products.
4
66
435
I am a:
⚪️ Man
⚪️ Woman
🔘 Apple Retail Worker
Looking for:
⚪️ Men
⚪️ Women
🔘A meteor to strike the Earth so I don’t have to work from home anymore
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435
Even if you’re fully vaccinated, the CDC still recommends backing up your data regularly.
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435
The White House doctor sharing Trump’s covid results:
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Thinking about all the Jony Iveless demo videos at WWDC today
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Customers love to refer to their old age as an excuse for not understanding technology, but all I can hear is how you had decades to learn how to use a keyboard and mouse and still chose not to
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How customers look when they’re waiting for you to finish your explanation so they can ask to speak to a manager
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Another iPhone launch, another exciting day of asking grown adults “What does it say on the screen?”
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📍Customers
|
| _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
|
📍 30 specialists |
on the sales floor |
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _|
|
|
📍Asking me, who is clearly unavailable as I’m teaching a photo session, to check out
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Jony Ive watching every Apple product get thicker, heavier, with more ports since he left
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Me: Hello, thanks for calling Apple Support
Customer: What? I’m having a hard time hearing you
Me: Okay, let me try something *pauses for a few seconds and makes no settings adjustments* How about now?
Customer: Oh yes, thank you that’s so much better
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🗣 iOS 14 WILL NOT BE RELEASED UNTIL YOU ALL WEAR YOUR MASKS
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Me: Erase all means everything on the phone is deleted
Customer: What about my photos
Me: EVE-RY-THING
Customer: Oh I see… and my contacts too?
Me:
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Sex is cool but have your ever watched a sitting President get banned from all social media platforms?
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Ah yes, the most magical time of year, when I begin to receive random “Heyyy, how are you? Are you still at Apple?” messages from people I haven’t talked to all year 🙄
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Us: We would like to be paid more. We’re struggling to survive.
Apple: No, our pay is already fair & competitive.
Us: Ok, we’re going to unionize
*anti-union video leaks to press*
Apple: Hey pals. We found some more money for you. Let’s work this out together okay friends?
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The best part about the M1 chip is no longer having to find ways to explain the difference between i5 and i7 processors to customers that barely know how to browse the internet
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2020 iPad Pro with cantilevered keyboard is giving me serious iMac G4 vibes 🥰
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FUN FACT: Loudly shouting “This place has really fucking gone down hill since Steve Jobs died” is one hundred percent NOT the shortcut to getting better service in the Apple Store.
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Personal Setup is such a magical service. Only Apple could offer a experience which entails me repeatedly asking customers did you read the screen?
6
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374
Customers Battery Repair
😡 Program
🔋
🤝
Replacing perfectly
healthy batteries for
no reason
9
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370
Customer: Why hasn’t my package arrived yet?
Me: Not sure if you’re aware large sections of the country are frozen right now
Customer: But this is Apple! You have billions of dollars!
Me: I don’t think Winter takes Apple’s net worth into account
Customer: *silence*
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*overheard at the Genius Bar*
Customer: RIDICULOUS. DOESN’T THIS HAVE A ONE YEAR WARRANTY?!
Genius: You bought this MacBook Pro in 2013
Customer:
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*Over 40% of the team quits*
Managers: We have so many open positions. So many growth opportunities. Isn’t that amazing?!
Me:
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I’m sorry, Apple still hasn’t had a more impressive dramatic product reveal than this. Search your feelings. You know it to be true 🥲
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Dear Customers,
If you’re headed to an Apple Retail store during a pandemic instead of having a new iPhone shipped to your home like a sensible person, at bare minimum I beg, I implore you, DONT ACT LIKE A FUCKING ASSHOLE K THANKS BYE
- Management 😘
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Brand new MacBook: *Choose your launguage*
Customer: *stares blankly*
What do I do now?
Me directing them to read the goddamn screen:
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Me telling newer Apple Store employees about the change from 30-Pin to Lightning like an old war vet
#AppleEvent
#iPhone15
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“Deal with ambiguity” 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩
“We’re like one big family” 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
“One to many”🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
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One taught me love
One taught me patience
One taught me you can walk in and get the part if you were told by AppleCare
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