Crazy Ralph 🥃
@CrazyRalph1980
Followers
20K
Following
113K
Media
7K
Statuses
58K
I'm a messenger of God! You're doomed! You're all doomed!! #HorrorFamily #MutantFam #Fridaythe13thverse
Joined May 2019
Kitty no!!!!!! That's god damn Black Sabbath!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Kitty no!!!!! That guy hangs out with the god damn Myers boy!!!!!!
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Today is my god damn birthday!!! There will be a party tonight at Leon's House of Hot Dogs, and you're all invited!! No gifts, please!! The only thing you need to bring is your god damn appetite!!!
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15,000 followers!!! I'm completely god damn flabbergasted!!! This Saturday I'll be having a "you gotta be god damn shittin me" dinner at the Crystal Lake Four Guys hamburger joint!! It used to be Five Guys, but god damn Jason killed one of them! Thank you all! You're all invited!
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I told Jason he was doomed!!! He didn't believe me!!!.
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I just got home from Door Dashing and I found this asshole in my kitchen getting ready to chew up a half a box of Fruity Pebbles!!!!! God damn it!!!!!!.#doordash
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Went outside to grab a few carts!! Looks like doom is raining from the god damn heavens!!!!!!!!!!
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I hope you all have a Happy Halloween!!!!!! I'm off to warn people!!!!!!.#HappyHalloween .#HappyHalloween2023
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I just passed the 13k follower threshold!!!! I'd like to say thanks to each and every one of you!!! To show my god damn gratitude I rented a banquet room at Lenny's Burritos and Quesadillas, and you're all invited!!!
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I've got to warn ya!! A week from today is his day!! And that day is cursed! Cursed!!! It's got a death curse!! Stay home!! Keep an eye on your loved ones!! You're doomed!! You're all doomed!!!
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If you're going to sweet talk me, at least get my god damn name right!!
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Archie is going to shit his pants when he sees this!!!!!!!!!.
Nobody in the 70s partied harder than Alice Cooper and Edith Bunker.
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Already?!!!!! You gotta be god damn shittin me!!!!!!!!!!
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So we survived another Friday the 13th! Now we need to focus our attention towards those poor people of Haddonfield! Soon they will be put to the test by the god damn Myers boy! Now, if you'll excuse me, the Crystal Lake liquor store has a bottle of Johnnie with my name on it!
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Last night I had a dream that I was god damn verified!!
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10,000 followers! You gotta be god damn shittin me! I never would have guessed this many people would care what this old man has to say! Just know that I treasure each and every one of you! You're all appreciated!
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When did Mitsubishi start making vitamins?!!!!!!!!!!
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God damn Jack Tripper!!!
Gordon Ramsay isn’t available, greatest chef of all time?.
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I'm going to skip my good morning to break character and send my thoughts and prayers to all those who perished in the senseless act of terror that occured on 9-11-01, and give thanks to all the responders who risked their lives to help others. God bless them all. #911NeverForget
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The doom is so thick you can cut it with a god damn machete!!! Pray for the people of Haddonfield!!! They're going to need it!
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Somebody sent me a god damn dick pic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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If you live in Haddonfield you need to leave this place before tomorrow!!!! You're doomed if you don't!!!!!.#Halloween
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It's my god damn birthday!!!!.#goodmorning .#GoodMorningEveryone .#GoodMorningTwitterWorld .#HappyBirthdayToMe
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And if you're drunk you see a god damn donkey!!!!!.
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I'm going to TP Jason's shack tonight!!! Who's god damn with me?!!!!!
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God damn Jason leaving his bullshit in my yard again!!!
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I'll teach you the ways of the god damn force later!!! First we need to head to Mos Eisley for some shots!!!!!
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It must be asshole week on The Arsenio Hall Show!!!!
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YOU GOTTA BE GOD DAMN SHITTIN ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
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12,000 followers!! You gotta be god damn shittin me!! When I rolled into this place I never would have thought I'd make so many friends!! I have a tear in one eye and Johnnie Walker in the other!! Thanks to you all!!!
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Back in 2019 I came here thinking it was a Conway Twitty app! During my 3 years here I made a bunch of friends that I god damn treasure! If any of you would have told me that one day I'd have 9k followers I would have said, bullshit! But here we are! Thanks to you all!!
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I didn't want to say anything earlier, because I didn't know if I would get it, but I will now be greeting people part time at the god damn Crystal Lake Wal Mart!! Son of a bitch!!!
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I told you sons a bitches we were doomed 2 parsecs ago!!! You didn't believe me!!
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Where's god damn He-Man?!!! Maybe he can help put an end to Jason's bullshit!!!.#fridaythe13
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Let's all chip in and buy this guy a god damn shirt!!!!!!
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I thought I saw Will Smith in Crystal Lake last week!!! Now I know why!! He was god damn training with Pammy!!!!!
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My new Conway Twitty hat came today!!!!! Hot damn!!!!
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Just pulled the trigger on this god damn thing!!!! It will be here tomorrow!!!!!!
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How in the hell did I wind up in the middle of this bullshit?!!!!!!!!
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Attention citizens of Crystal Lake! Tomorrow is Friday the 13th! As you know this place is cursed! I advise you to pack up whatever bullshit you need and leave this place! Do it today! You're doomed if you don't! Once the clock strikes midnight it will be too late!.#FridayThe13th
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When I left the house this morning I had 3 bags of Babybel cheese in my Fridgidaire!!! I just got home and every god damn one of them is gone!!!!
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I hope you guys brought some god damn fly swatters!!! You're going to need them!!!
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He grew up in a New Jersey town! Had a good lookin mama, who let him god damn drown!!!!
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Another one of my favorite people here has god damn left!!!!
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Look who got into the Angel Dust!!!!!!.
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I was helping a customer look for some Star Wars toys when I saw this god damn thing hanging on the shelf!! What kind of bullshit is this?!!!!.#Walmart
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It's a floating death curse!!!!!.
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16,000 followers!! Unbelievable!!!! I'm honored that so many of you care what this old coot has to say!!! This weekend there will be a god damn celebratory dinner at Mick's House of Ham!!! You're all invited!!!!
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I hit 5,000 followers! I'm grateful, and glad that you guys care what this old coot has to say! To celebrate, this weekend I'll be throwing the first annual Crazy Ralph's Jamboree of Doom! You're all invited! Johnnie Walker, cube steak, and Conway Twitty ditties will be served!
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