Wayne The flown in bird-flu Cow Marshal 🐮🦺🍫
@CovidMarshall
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A highly trained blue level Covid Marshal, completed 2 of the 3 emergency covid procedures modules with a 66% pass rate and the saviour of humanity.
Outside Greggs
Joined August 2021
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Wayne The Covid Marshal merch shop
Voted best merch ever in the history of the internet and everything 👍🏽
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Dont think we’ve forgotten about you either Shillary.
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It was the “i got jabbed to go on holiday” ones that most amazed me.
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The narrative is collapsing faster than a professional footballer.
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Bad news im afraid. Some parts of the world are now so hot they’ve gone past yellow and are now pink on the scary coloured weather map. Thats actually hotter than the surface of the sun because the sun is only yellow and this is pink hot. No life will survive the pinkness.🦺😔🔥
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Good morning everyone, late start as i was up late patrolling my neighborhood until 4 am looking into peoples houses as they slept to ensure regulations were being obeyed, amazed by the amount of people that dont wear a mask in bed. 🤷🏾♂️
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Come on admit it, you were had.
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A nonce has been discovered at the BBC. thats like finding a sausage roll in Greggs.
Who do we think it is?
Lets play noncey bingo-
Pants down for a full house-
🤔
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Just spent our last £820 buying every testing kit i could find on Amazon, ive got 120 left and they won’t arrive until Wednesday this is unacceptable Amazon. What if i run out on Monday and am forced to spend a whole 2 days with no idea whether im ill or not? Boycott Amazon.
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Dont know about you, but im having a hard time believing absolutely anything now. 🤷🏽
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Ive been woken early by a frantic phone call from the local swimming baths where 13 people were boiled alive yesterday whilst enjoying a swim as the sun briefly passed overhead & cooked them like a huge person soup.I just pulled an arm out and the meat slid right off the bone🦺😩
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Oh well, it was nice knowing you. 😞 guess thats me finished. 🤣🤡
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I will/do not recognize the WHO’s authority and i will not comply.
EVER.
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The world is in the grip of global corruption right now, we must pull together to break free.
Not turn on each other.
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Cant believe its WW3 already, ive still got my Aids decorations up.🤦🏻
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After over 2 years of lies, propaganda, overt greed by those in power and cover-ups, the whole thing is about to collapse gloriously, i only hope the rubble lands on and crushes as many of those corrupt cvnts as possible.
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Right, all 9 LfT’s for me and mum are negative, uncle Barry is doing his 3rd one now and passing it thru the letterbox, if its clear he can join auntie Joan on the sofa until the next round of rapid tests at 12. If not he can go home,There will be no Omicron in this house today🎅🏻
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Just got off the bus home and went into Iceland to get some fish-fingers. Had to pull an old lady by her coat hood back onto the social distancing markers on the floor as she was encroaching into the other customers personal space.i just cant stand by and watch a potential murder
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So the Covid circus just packed up and left town and thinks everyone will forget.
Not on my fkng watch.
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Just my luck to get HIV whilst self isolating in my bedroom. 😫
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Saved a few souls today, including a baby in a pram that i noticed wasnt wearing a mask, just lifted its head and placed my mask on it while its mother was talking to her friend. She probably thought an angel had popped down and saved her babies life.
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Ok,this is hard for me but im just going to say it. I now identify as a women. From now on im called Wanda The Covid Marshal. I cant fight it any more and i need to let the diva in me out. Its such a relief being myself at last. Ive been living a lie-Hello world,meet Wanda 🦄🌈
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Just got home, mum had her third booster today-she resting in bed.
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Starting 15 minutes early today due to this Nu variant that apparently eats you from the inside out-very nasty-its also more transmissible so you can now catch it if anyone looks at you for too long,so make sure to look at the floor all day and no eye contact at all-with anyone🦺
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I cant even 🤦🏻 its socks today. Fking socks are trying to kill you today. Definitely not the you-know-what but socks. Ffs. This has got to be the best one yet.🧦😫
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Let the record show - i knew it was all bullshit right from the start.
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Well one things for sure.
I will never have another injection.
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Woke up feeling fantastic, so i rushed to A&E to get checked out, although 11 LFT’s are telling me im well and i have no symptoms and feel great,i thought i’d better be sure as i did sneeze at about 11 o’clock last night and mum looked at me like i had 2 heads,very stressed rn 😩
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Look forward to seeing you tomorrow Iceland! 😬
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It seems the less you care about Covid the lower your chances are of catching it.
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On site later than expected due to a quick detour to Greggs, with a full belly i will inspecting a Mr Davies who whilst visiting a restaurant helped himself to a menu instead of using the QR code that had been placed on the table potentially killing everyone in the restaurant.
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The saddest thing about all this is that the v
@ccines
are working exactly as they were intended.
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By my calculations i estimate 2,121,451 lives were saved by my installation of this multi-directional free-standing Covid-shield in Luigis Italian restaurant in Streatham. 😊
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Men have penises and women have vaginas.
In 2022 this is a controversial statement.
We took a wrong turn somewhere.
🤦🏻
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I can’t wait till the HIV jabs are ready after a few days of safety testing they should be rolled out,i’ll be camped outside the jab centre the night before to make sure im first in line,then as soon as i have it if i can still walk i will rejoin the queue for a same day booster
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Early start today Wayngels,Bill at 68 is refusing his booster so i have constructed a device called a letterbox jabber,with this i will be able to boost everyone whether they like or not,ive had enough of these selfish anitv
@xxers
killing our loved ones.affirmative action taken!
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Does flattening a curve give you a heart attack? 🤷🏽
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Anyone know of any work going in London for a large lazy guy with no qualifications or personality? Preferably with no responsibility or boss, flexible hours, several lunch breaks, and the ability to earn more from “perks”than the salary. Has his own hi-viz. asking for a friend😎
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Here is a new updated list of symptoms of Omicron, if you have any of the things on this list of symptoms you are already dead or about to die at any second. Please remain calm and just lie down somewhere comfortable so its easy for me to put your body in the wheelbarrow. RIP. 😞
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Did you know PCR really stands for Pointless Covid Result?
Thats a Covid marshal secret.
Dont tell anyone else.
🤫
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When i was a kid, women had vaginas, men had penises and drag queens weren’t allowed any where near kids.
We’re on a slippery slope and i dread to think whats at the end of it.
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Just sent Christmas cards to all my family telling them not to visit us over the holidays under any circumstances,and if theyre unjabbed dont even send a card back,I dont want any Covid death packages turning up disguised as xmas cards-& ill be boarding up my letterbox to be sure
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Now on site in Wigan to conduct my afternoon Covid regulation compliance inspection, visiting a Mr Glover who apparently thought it was ok to enter a pharmacy to collect a prescription and completely ignore the hand sanitizer that had been provided. Some people have a death wish
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🤦🏻 go home they dont give a shit about you!! 😖
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Its depressing how quickly people masked up and bent over.
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Im gonna have some serious trust issues when this shit is over.
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How much longer do we have to wait for the selfish unjabbed to do the right thing? Its been 3 years and 7 shots and they still walk around without a care in the world putting all our lives at risk. Im sick of it, get jabbed, wear a mask and think of other people for a change.🦺
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How tf do you work at a jab-centre stabbing innocent people all day with that poison then go home and sleep? 🤷🏾♂️
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People were washing their shopping.
Let that sink in.
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Think ive woke up with long Omicron, throat is a bit dry and i have a bit of a runny nose.Ive done 6 LFT which dont confirm anything-cant believe its got me,i always crawl on my hands and knees at home and never remove my mask-how has it managed to penetrated my inner sanctum?😩
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I have’nt looked out the window to see for myself because i trust the BBC but it seems the whole world is now a raging inferno. Everything you knew is now on fire and if you open your front door the backdraft will cremate you instantly. Good morning.😁🔥🦺
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The Pfizer doll is gonna be this years must have toy. 🤦🏻
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Good morning Wayngels, very pleased to see so many of you are still alive despite Covids best efforts to kill you. Gonna have a quick full body rub down with some bleach get dressed and go save some lives. Lets do this 😎
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After hearing that they plan to cut the bottom off doors in Scotland to aid ventilation, i have decided to cut the bottom 1/4 off of my trousers for the same reason.Covid ankles has been a major problem throughout history,thats the reason school uniforms used to include shorts.🤷🏽
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Cant believe i just hit 20k followers😳, thank you very much 🥰🥰
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At what point do these sick fucks hold their hands up and admit what they’ve done? 🤔
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With all this new risk of heart attacks from everything i have made myself a defibrillator from 2 steak and kidney Frey Bentos tins connected to a car battery,and will spend my day looking for people about to go into cardiac arrest by sitting down or walking,both now v dangerous.
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A women gets her knob out on TV and is hero. i get mine out in co-op and people lose their minds.
People are weird.
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Twitter was down for me last night so i have no idea what im supposed to be terrified of today? Are we still doing war? We haven’t gone back to Aids have we? Help please, 😫
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Boris just killed everyone.
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Its got be an alien invasion next or the queen is a lizard.
I think we’ve had everything else now.
🤷🏽
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Me and the lovely Amanda about to do an inspection of a Mr Cox who was reported by his new neighbor for holding out his hand in order to shake hands the first time they met. Just incredible, hes lucky its not an attempted murder charge if you ask me. Going in.
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Spent the last 3 hours dismantling Santa’s grotto in the mall and thrown it in a skip,it was due to open on Monday but i wont have kids literally queuing up to be killed by Covid,ive also removed the tree and beheaded the reindeer,the kids will now be safe and alive to enjoy Xmas
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Good morning people with vaginas and people with penis’s and of course those that dont have anything,& those that have both.And not forgetting those that have one but want the other one but want to be called the other one so it doesnt hurt their feelings.Did i get that right?😫😖
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So, turns out humanity can survive without those stickers on the floor telling you which way to walk.
Who knew? 🤷🏾♂️
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Can not believe the unjabbed are still here.
They’re like the people who are still in the kitchen at 7am drinking flat beer and chatting nonsense after the party has ended.
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Well this is it, me and mum are off to the bunker to see out the end of civilization,Im not sure if i will get a signal in the bunker but i will be going to Greggs in the morning for breakfast so i should be able to stay in touch.good luck everyone,RIP to those who dont make it🙏🏻
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Something tells me at this years Wimbledon most players will be beaten by shots that were served to them weeks ago. 🎾
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I can hear the dinner party in full swing above me, i can hear Faith by George Michael and people having a good time. Had a peek thru the letter box just now and no one is wearing a mask or social distancing. Gonna take some of my old masks up and see if anyone wants one.
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Putin didn’t end Covid, i fkng did.
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Im thinking when i get a bit older and slow down a bit and lose my edge i’ll probably join the SAS or Navy seals.
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Since when do healthy 25 year olds die of natural causes? Utterly ridiculous. Is there really anyone not putting 2 and 2 together at this point?
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Top tip for the day. Always always keep some lettuce in your fridge in case you run out of masks-
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Well its pissing down here and im off out to enforce the hose-pipe ban.
Sums up the last 2 years perfectly. Dont you think? 😂🤡
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We live in a world where the 2 bald guys from im too sexy can be trusted more than real doctors and elected officials.
What a time to be alive!
😁
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It seems people are already lifting the restrictions in a display of incredible selfishness,i saw a mother with her young unmasked child,i rushed over to save its life and place the mask i used during the week on its face,the mum screamed like a nutcase,now im in police custody😡
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Whatever you do stay out of “the blue”
Ive heard so many stories of people having a heart attack out the blue, or a stroke out of the blue, or collapsing out of the blue.
Sounds like a very dangerous place. 🤷🏾♂️
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There goes my weekend 😩
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Just spent 25 minutes popping 106 balloons or balls of Covid death as i call them from around the front door of a property apparently in celebration of Skys 6th birthday,probably just saved 20 kids lives and the same for parents,will i get a thank you?No but thats not why i do it
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Finally on location in Wigan after a prolonged morning meeting due to the coffee machine not working, first inspection of the day is a Mrs Newman who was reported for cutting her grass in her front garden during lockdown. Lets see what she has to say for herself. Im going in.
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What is it we should all be scared to death of today? I think rabies would be a fun one. Or lightening, bringing back HIV was a bit shit tbf. Give us something good to terrify us. We deserve it 👍
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Managed to get my 3 boosters yesterday after some cunning disguises, using my charm and some good ol fashioned blackmail. I think i might of over done it tho as last night i started convulsing and frothing at the mouth, but mum says that means the jabbs are doing their work,🤷🏾♂️
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Global boiling out of control in Yorkshire yesterday-around 55,000 people were swept up in this boiling water like lobsters in a pot. Where are those climate deniers now? 🦺
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Genuine question-if you’re on a train and there are no free seats but someone in a seat has died from Covid is it ok to move the body and put them on the floor and take the seat? 🤔
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Morning Wayngels, its still instant death outside im afraid, This useful map shows you how much lava there is in your area, & the number represents how many people are burning to death every minute in that area, us heat-wave marshals call it the BDPM rate because we’re pros.🔥🦺
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Imagine being so selfish that you have a full front door!
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The jabs seem to be having 1 or 2 negative reactions,so i will be spending this evening making my own, the main ingredients atm are Tizer and next doors cats piss, i have a few doses ready so ill be injecting my mum tonight as she sleeps and monitoring her closely tomorrow 🧪
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No thanks. After this shit-show you’ll never get a needle in my arm as long as i have breathe in my body. bring on the propaganda. Im immune to that also. 😁
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Why doesn’t Lenny Henry fuck off?
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Good morning Wayngels, sorry for the lack of tweets, ive been on a ventilator in ICU all weekend after catching Covid for the ninth time, ive just been released home so i can die peacefully at home.
Thank god im vaccinated of it would’ve been so much worse.
😂😂 🤡🤡
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Noticed a commotion going on in the mall on the 2nd floor,i rushed up there to find a man has been stuck in the lift for 35 minutes,i managed to pry the doors open enough to pass my mask through to him with the help of a young man.He should be safe now until the firemen get here
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Tip for all my transitioning sisters out there, shave your testicles if you going to use duct tape to “tuck them up”. The last 30 minutes has not been fun. 🥵😫😫
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Just used my home-made defibrillator on an old guy who looked like he was about to go into cardiac arrest,i rushed over pushed him to the floor ripped his shirt open & placed the pie tins on his hairy chest and shouted “Clear” then zapped him,but unfortunately he died of Covid 😓
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Sorry guys, its the hi viz! The chicks love it🤷🏼♂️
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Wonder how many kids will hear a noise in the night downstairs, get up and slowly creep downstairs hoping to catch just a magical glimpse of a Covid Marshal doing a nocturnal inspection.🦺
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Warren at 81’s ex wife was from Prague in Russia-so i just kicked his front door off its hinges and let his budgie out the window and confiscated his Office DVD boxset and Star-wars poster. I stand with Ucrane.
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Ill be ready for anything the day can throw at me after this. Long covid. Short covid, hairy covid, bring it on.
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Anyone else getting pissed off with the feeling of helplessness watching these cvnts ruining everything and stealing from us? 🤬
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So just missing the gulags now for a conspiracy theory full house.
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