https://t.co/1AGtccddH5

Ladies, ladies, ladies! Dean is in the house!

https://t.co/clPwHQIQH1

I was obsessed with watching gymnastics during the Olympics. Those women are BADASS.

If my life had a goddamn title..

It’s been awhile..

no one deserves to sleep questioning their worth.

It’s been a rough day and it was my day off. What the fuck, man?

Me: [picks up phone] Kid: [screeches] Me: ………..

Sounds like you’re a Winchester. Welcome to the family.

I don’t get why people continue to piss me off again and again and expect to get a different response every time. If you’re being an asshole, I’m gonna get mad. Is that hard to understand for some people or have we all just given up on common human decency at this point? Fuck.

🥹 I guess I’M the crier through sex after all. Balls.

I heard somebody just call a peacock a ‘disco chicken’ and now I ain’t ever calling ‘em anything else. I could be REALLY insufferable with this..

https://t.co/53dqMYK8lZ

I feel bad for the poor bastards who have to talk to me everyday.

Happy Birthday, Sammy.

I can tell you one thing for damn certain.. I will not be drinking goldschlager again anytime soon. [dry heaves and covers his mouth..] I’ll be okay.

https://t.co/HeDS8GgHpg

Your concern for me is adorable. Really.

I’m shoving Pizza Hut in my face. How’s your Easter going?

[Texts @DamagedOne__] Hey, babe. It’s been awhile. I know. How ya been? 💙