Why do I want to rule the world? Because a bag of potato chips costs $7. Someone needs to answer for this injustice.

Locked in.

We were never built to deal with this many stupid people every day. Every village had an idiot. You might have a crazy conspiracy theorist uncle. A handful of idiots in your entire lifetime.

Inshallah maybe now I can find biryani on every street corner when I visit NYC.

If there’s one thing Dick Cheney had, it was good aim. Respect.

Oh, sure, but I’M THE BAD GUY if I want to demolish the White House. Double standards.

Relatable

Yes. YES! No kings! No rules! No laws! No one to stop COBRA!

Now that you’re deploying troops in your own cities, what is Cobra supposed to do? Take a nap? I suppose we’ll have to settle for selling you weaponry to use against yourselves.

We write “ANTI-JOE” on all our lasers, but you can’t see it. Because they’re lasers.

Running a Cobra Island betting pool on which Joes get raptured and which ones get left behind.

They’ve been trying to censor me for years, but it won’t work. They can’t silence me. They need me. They need the contrast. The scapegoat. And I assure you — I am The Goat.

I bet there’s a few G.I. Joes with questionable politics in their social media history. Be a shame if someone found those old posts. Soldiers have to fall in line!

Why do I want to rule the world? Because a bag of potato chips costs $7. Someone needs to answer for this injustice.

Do you know how easy recruiting able-bodied, feeble-brained cannon fodder is getting? Whatever clusterfail of an education system/economy you people have going, keep it up. COBRA!

Good luck, America. It’s not looking too good for you.

The Department of War is what I call my bedroom.

Just thinking about all the women I’ve made go into labor

Making me wait! On a long weekend!

Your English teacher and your gym teach will suffer our wrath just the same. COBRA!