I just watched a video of men doing some incredibly stupid things and I now know why women live longer. #humorblog #humor #mythoughts #myblog

I can’t imagine how I survived. When I was young and the phone rang, we had no idea who was calling. If they called when no one was home, we had no idea that someone had called. https://t.co/CGQ1PGKmXu #humor #mythoughts #myblog

When I was a kid and my mother brought us somewhere to go swimming, we brought our bathing suits, a towel and maybe a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. My grandchildren came over this summer to swim in our pool and my daughter brought... https://t.co/CGQ1PGKmXu #myopinion #blog

I called a handyman to come fix a wall in our shed that was starting to rot. When he started pulling apart the wall he found carpenter ants. I don’t know why they’re called carpenter ants because they don’t seem to build anything, they just destroy it. #humor #mythoughts #myblog

I have a really large tree in my yard and its so shady that I can’t get any grass to grow. Would anyone notice if I just spray painted the ground green? #mythoughts #humor #humorblog #cliffscorner #blogger #opinion

How do young girls get to be so bossy? Young boys don’t, they just want you to throw them a ball, sort of like a dog. #myopinion #opinionblog #mythoughts #humorblog #humor #girls #boys

In fighting #legalbattles it doesn’t matter how you win - only that you win. #mythoughts #humorblog #humor #myopinion #opinionblog

Everyone seems concerned about winning the battle. Not me. I want to win the war. #mythoughts #humorblog #humor #myopinion #opinionblog

We should allow #womenincombat. I’m more afraid of some women than I am of any man. #mythoughts #humorblog #humor #myopinion #opinionblog

I absolutely believe in the #deathpenalty. Unless you’re #innocent . . . #mythoughts #humorblog #humor #myopinion #opinionblog

I believe in #vaccinations for the following reason. Remember that time you had polio? NO YOU DON”T because you got vaccinated. #mythoughts #humorblog #humor #vaccines #myopinion #opinionblog

Whether or not to have an abortion should be up to the mother. In biology, an organism that lives of the body of a host is called a parasite. #humorblog #mythoughts

The earth has survived meteor collisions, volcanic eruptions, ice ages, warming ages, and radiation from space. I'm not sure the earth cares about some plastic bags. #mythoughts #myopinion #plasticstraws #plasticbags

I’ve collected paperweights for years. I don’t know why, I just like them. The fact that President Bartlet on #TheWestWing also collects paperweights is merely a coincidence. Isn’t it? #mythoughts #myopinion #humor #humorblog

Massachusetts now has the toughest #gunlaws in America. They can’t be too tough. They gave concealed carry permits to me and Louise. #gunlaw #guns #mythoughts #humorblog

Megyn Kelly? Seriously? She can’t even spell her name right. #mythoughts #megynkelly

Yesterday I ate 228 calories for breakfast. I then went to the gym and rode the stationary bike. When I was done it said I had burned 248 calories. Someone owes me twenty calories and I want them now. #mythoughts #humor #humorblog #myopinion

If you call me and don’t leave a message, it looks to me like it’s not important and I’m not going to call you back. Unless you’re Louise, my mother or my cousin. The rest of you - not going to happen. Get over it. #myopinion #mythoughts #phonecalls

Why do people keep screwing up tomato sauce? You know who you are! #mythoughts #myblog #opinionblog https://t.co/0E1jMUjtGF

#DrPhil’s ceaseless self promotion makes me insane. #mythoughts @DrPhil @TheDrPhilShow #myopinion #humor #humorblogger