I've always been good at creating nightmares..... Now I just want to create good things.

https://t.co/Zhok9ikJqB

How many times is your therapist supposed to call you a nutjob

I get it, black holes. I too am a theoretical massive object formed by a collapsed star that cannot be seen with bare eyes and a gravitational force so intense nothing can escape. Same, same.

There is no better feeling than being appreciated.

Reached that stage of parenting where having a day to myself feels like I’m getting away with a federal crime.

People who disguise ugly words behind the shield of “I’m just being honest” are assholes. No. You like inflicting pain through brutality.

I will not be watching WrestleMania this weekend but I will be taking advantage of the time and go shopping at an uncrowded Walmart

Is pervert an absolute or a relative term? Asking for a fiend.

Good morning to everyone except grown ass men that pursue women young enough to be their daughters.

My husband is married to a crazy cat lady

At our house we like to play a game called "let's open 4 boxes of the fucking same cereal.”

If you talk to yourself you Live longer.

Get out of my dms before I get really angry.

If @twitter calls me selfish one more time, I'm out.

I have been watching my coworker struggle to open a bag of chips for the last 10 minutes if anyone would like to start raising my bail money.

Remember the early 80’s before body wash we used a bar of soap with someone else’s pube hair on it .... Good Times

Now they say we need booster shots. Stick a fork in me, I am done.

Today I’m doing all the things I should’ve done yesterday, it’s time to move forward.

https://t.co/qoCeqDIkc1

Why would anyone eligible for a Covid vaccine not take it ? The level of distrust and misinformation in America today is astounding.