I don’t go to church because I know the sins I’m capable of. White hat, dark times.

When I was younger I used to worry about how loud and mean some of my farts were. Now I am older and I no longer worry about them. I am actually impressed by some of them now and I wish I had a special someone in my life to share them with. 😜💨👸💕

Yupp 🫃

Here’s a selfie for the ladies to drool over. I didn’t ask to be this beautiful. I was just born this way.

HOLY SMOKES! 👀’ The pitcher Gilbert for the mariners looks like he drives an 86 Iroc Z with leaky T-tops and has tried all 36 flavors of SKOAL! #RepDetroit #MLBPlayoffs

ARE WE HAVING FUN???😎🇺🇸🥳🥳🥳

Here’s what I think about that scum sucking butthole Jon Stewart aka moron boy. #TheFive #Gutfeld MAGA! PRESIDENT TRUMP for 2028!! USA USA USA USA USA USA USA!!! ☝️🇺🇸✨❤️💯👍

I think about Samantha this time of year. Her teeth were all fucked up so I called her pumpkin head for fun.👻🎃

Too many Hoes with the Karen I want to speak to the manager haircut in the world today. 😂 STAHP It!! That shit ain’t funny no more. Fuck somebody, be happy! 👍💯

Man, my Tourette’s is really boom boom shake shake the WHORE CUNT VAGINA PUSSY!!! today…👀’

What the fuck is fuckin’ PG-13 any Fuckin’ more 🤷‍♂️

Blattin’ Splouge sounds a lot funnier than Baton Rouge 😂

Listen to some Garth Brooks music and then go handle your shit. Be a man.

There’s nothing wrong with being patriotic. I’d be raw dogging a woman from behind and it feels so good I’d yell out “AMERICA!” During it. Like Hell YeaH GurL, from sea to shining sea! USA USA USA USA USA USA USA! 🦅🇺🇸✨☝️

🗡️👍💯👱🏻‍♀️

I feel bad for Aaron Glenn. He’s a good dude. He took on a challenge with the Jets because he was willing to prove something and now he’s getting the typical NY sports fan baby whiny Bull crap. New York sucks. It sucks major mega donkey balls. Eat shit, die horribly and slowly.🖕

Hey #TheFive #Gutfeld here’s The faces of the government shutdown. These Jackasses right here. All are capital A loser buttholes. 👇

(. )🥰( .)

I hate people who are shitheads.

Travis Kelce having to listen to his fiancés new music and be supportive although now he knows what really goes on. 😂 #TSTheLifeofaShowgirl

OLAY! 🎉 #Gutfeld #TheFive