Got into a huge fight Full Special Here - https://t.co/ZwTibPyfqK

I cant believe this shittt im back in San Fran January 22nd for SF Sketchfest.

Eating tuna from a can while listening to your favorite sports podcast in the dark is hella underrated

BREAKING: AMERICA'S LIFE-SAVING PILLS HELD HOSTAGE BY FOREIGN FACTORIES! We get nearly ALL our drugs from India and China – but SHOCKING new report reveals OVER 60% of India's small drug plants are FLAT-OUT NON-COMPLIANT and facing MASS SHUTDOWNS! We're powerless to stop it, and

X is dead

Jay is one of the best stand ups! Watch his special ! @JayJurden

𝗕𝘂𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗲𝗮𝗹𝘁𝗵 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝟮𝟬𝘀 𝗟𝗲𝘁 𝗺𝗲 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗼𝘄:

Contractors in NYC & Long Island trust Metro + ClarkDietrich for steel framing that stands up to strict inspections and tight deadlines. See why - click here.

I can’t fight back cause I’m addicted To phone and sports! It’s the governments fault!!

I don't play music tho - I do comedy. One of the last ones left due to the politics. link for tix in bio

If I was in the Criterion Closet I'd be fuxed. For one, I havent seen any of these movies. TWO, where the fux r all the clothes?! I thought closets r for clothes? Plus were at war with ICE! Get me outta this closet & behind a tiny desk to play some music! Shows-MA 11/7 & NY 11/8

Man, low key. Fuck Christmas this year

𝐒𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝗻𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁, 𝗡𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟴𝘁𝗵 𝟏𝟎𝐩𝐦. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐇𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞. The place is buzzing. The city is alive. https://t.co/VJYvqGdM3E

L.A. is back 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Ladies. I’m gonna keep it real with you. Let your man just chill and watch football this weekend.

tim burtons brain needs to be studied

Vampires low key got long covid

At the bachelor party with @CarmChristopher:

In the Airports Burger King grindin with my girl to the EDM remix of “Use Somebody” by The Kings of Leon.

Yall r sleepin on smoking some indica and watching Meet The Fockers on Amazon prime while drinking some water

I fuck with @Tubi. Love the ads too.

In 2020 during the pandemic I rolled around NY with a speaker and did stand up for people who did not ask me to do stand up. The full special is now on YouTube. https://t.co/hOeRoiyHGu

Played Cousins by Ye at my boys baby shower and some of the women did not like that. I’ll admit it was a bad move by me and I’m gonna be more thoughtful about where I play Cousins going forward.

We just rebuilt one of the hardest parts of Speak: matching what learners say to the words on screen. Matching v2 combines ASR with a new phonetic model that understands the actual sounds users produce. Result: about 40% fewer false negatives and a much smoother learning