just asked a homeless woman if I could take her home. she smiled and said yes. shoulda seen the look on her face when I ran off with her cardboard box. 1-0 carl.

just went for a naked run. locals reported a python. cant do fuk all right. cheers

asked mate to come pub. he said hes morning. i said its afternoon. cheers

nippa told me theres nearly 8 billyun peepol on this planit. he said too many are foren. gave him biscuit and said can stay up for extra hour tonite. cheers

heering news of woman liz in charge of this country. almost collapse in state of shock. dark times ahead for uk aslong as women runnin things.

@barrystantonGBP weve failed as cuntry theres foren on are roads

just seen arab number plate in uk. feel sick. suspishuns rise. got infront of him and slammed breaks. crashes into me. claiming off him. cheers

heard neighbours shaggin last night. screaming an head board banging for hours. turns out was elderly mum fell off bed cracked her head. was hitting the wall with her walkin stick for help. feel guilty about the wank now. cheers

watchin boxin in local last night. made me think of myself back in day. flashbacks. started feelin a punch up. started on weasel behind bar. dropped him in 1. nutted frooty on way out. cheers

drugs still in system from weekend. crashed on way work. fell asleep at wheel. smashed inta mosque. mus be me lucky day came away no injury. cheers

just seen yungest using roll on. gave him clip round ear and booted him out. said fuck off up ur nans. cheers

new bird on site. fit. see hose pipe. see chance. spray her. shes wet. nips poppin thru top. result. boys lovin it. cheers

in car. mrs put air con on. slapped wrist an turned it off. told her use windows and breathe fresh british air. cheers

been of tweeter fora week. phone was in pig station for check over. all clear. feet up watchin man v food. sippin room temp carlin. cheers

made it in this morning. on site. dunno how. feel as fragile as katie prices back end. sweatin out all the booze and gear from weekend. sun burnin me. cant take anymore gonna faint infront of gaffa. no other option but to send me home. cheers

walk in lidl. stink of foren. walk back out. cheers

https://t.co/jUbmCvin1h

mrs just asked me to empty dishwasher. flipped and punched wall ina rage. been workin all day while she work from home. silly bint. wont be doin fuck all part from puttin feet up and crackin can open. cheers

im on tweeter this mornin to say there is maskulinity problum. men like me and barry stanton are being erased. middle age white men. everywhere on telly black adverts. black music. womens football. lgbtq. wha happend to real men. globe gone bonkers. cheers

wife let note on fridge. said this isn’t working. dunno what she’s on about opened door working fine. cheers

coppers pull me over. do tests. wonk still in system from last night. done a runner. choppa on me. only 8am. cheers