Dear Mom and Dad, if you can read this tweet, Congratulations!!! it's time for lesson number 10. http://t.co/FhNsrQ24jB

http://t.co/gqoLpvVFTy Enrage the one you love today with a calm, rational explanation.

http://t.co/6TmJBIJR7U Can't imagine what's it like to have no imagination.

http://t.co/4m8p3pSmce Sad to think it's been three years since Notorious B.I.G. would have died of heart disease anyway.

http://t.co/3MydNetgEX In Hidden Valley, childhood obesity is covered up in creamy ranch dressing.

If you have more than zero bumper stickers on your car you have too many. http://t.co/BQUgt1KCac

http://t.co/rAAxTb7bS1 Is there anything sexier than a woman who reads? Yes: Models.

It's hot as balls today. And by "balls" I mean "testicles". http://t.co/HZLFSSvP

Gather round children, for my machine powered by round children http://t.co/GCwcL9zz

Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood. http://t.co/yES1nr6s

Upcoming #movie. #Jesus #Christ reborn: The Second Coming of Chris. http://t.co/H4hsHL44

All the #best #videos. All the best pre-order #deals. Make the best decision of your gaming #life and visit #Walmart http://t.co/lzuq8jdv

Get a #job and start #making #money with #iphone5 http://t.co/AZfBTg3p

Really want to go see The Strokes play in a lovely wee venue in london. Wonder if that will work out!