Dearest mother — I hope you enjoy the gift. It took me weeks to whittle the perfect piece of lumber … but I feel the end result is stupendous. Please move the figurine among the live stock daily, so all have some time with me. Do not let the hogs be greedy with it. — Andrew

Dearest mother — We continue our march to My-ami. The men are still drilling for the Hurricane unit in rotating formation — but I have ordered they cease simulating rain by spitting at one another. I have received your care package of spiced opossum haunches and cured owl knees.

Dearest mother — Word of our victory reached another unit in Florida. They now seek battle. Scouts report these men believe themselves to be a Hurricane. Astounding. I have ordered the men to drill in spiraling circles to better understand their tactics. We march onward. — Andrew

Dearest mother — I am jubilant. Our unit was successful in defeating the Florida Tribe. What a magnificent moment for the men. Hard work, steadfast resolve, and, of course, Squirrel Oil, helped secure this victory. Please tell the hogs about this simply marvelous news. — Andrew

Dearest mother — Forgive the late letter. A bird stole my quill — but I caught him at last. I assume by now the town bulletin has posted news of our defeat in Texas. There has been no time to sulk. A Tribe out of Florida marches this way for battle. I believe it will be an

Dearest mother — Our unit is on the move. Scouts report a unit of Mustangs in Texas seek battle. I have ordered the men to gallop, rather than march, between drilling to better prepare. Additionally, salt licks are now part of meals. Please ask our horses for further advice. —

Had the pleasure of designing this piece of meme history. One of my greatest honors 🫡

Dearest mother — Scouts report there is no imminent threat of another unit seeking battle. Thus, the men shall have the weekend to rest. Perhaps you could send extra provisions. I have been yearning for your spiced rabbit knuckles and fox elbow muffins. — Andrew

Dearest mother — Exhilarating news. The unit defeated the Spartan men. It was a hard fought battle, but we were victorious by a neck-beard hair. Thrilling. Please inform the horses that our momentum builds. Gladsome. — Andrew

Dearest mother — We continue to prepare for the Spartan unit’s arrival. Scouts report they have slowed their march so as to not arrive too soon. Confounding. I have received your care package of peppered coyote ribs and salted sparrow ears. — Andrew

Dearest mother — As we arrived at base camp, scouts informed me a unit of Spartans marches this way for battle. Mystifying. There may be hundreds, and they are perplexingly already quite near. I have ordered the men to drill bare-chested to better understand our opponent. —

Dearest mother — I write with hapless news. Our unit was bested in Virginia. Despite what they call themselves, our opponents’ attitude was quite serious. I remain steadfast our overall campaign will be a success. Onward. — Andrew

For four years, there was Colts quarterback Andrew Luck and there was social media alter ego Civil War-esque Captain Andrew Luck. When Luck retired, his captain did, too, believing his battles were done. Until November 2024. On @CaptAndrewLuck's return

Dearest mother — We continue our march on Virginia to battle the Cavalier unit. Scouts report sabers are their weapon of choice. Intriguing. I have received your care package of sweetened opossum juice and buttered raccoon thighs. Our resolve grows. — Andrew

Dearest mother — Scouts report a unit of Cavaliers in Virginia seek battle. It appears these are hardened cavalrymen, perhaps even knights with a brazen attitude. Confounding. We march their way now. Onward to victory. — Andrew

Dearest mother — Our unit bested the Eagles. It was a hard fought battle, but we were prepared. Please thank our rooster for the tactical advice. So wise. I missed the feeling of victory. I am truly anew. The men are bursting with pride. All feels right. I love you. — Andrew

Dearest mother — We continue to prepare for the incoming Eagle unit. I have ordered the men to drill while covered in feathers to better understand our adversary. Thank you for the care package. The molasses coated chipmunk elbows were a particular treat. — Andrew

Dearest mother — Scouts report troubling news. It seems a convocation of Eagles out of Boston is headed our way, seeking battle. Alarming. We shall now have to drill for a possible sky assault. Please ask the chickens and rooster to advise on tactics. — Andrew