HourihaneBall Enjoyer 🚩
@CadWMC
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Tweet about football and that. @trasfertazine
Joined April 2020
Current Premier league managers rated as yer step dad . A thread:.
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If I don't get Oasis tickets, i'm going to spend the next 12 months tweeting both brothers a list of every bad thing they've said about eachother to encourage another fall out. If I Don't get to see it, no one else gets to see it either.
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This is what football is all about. Grown men being rattled by young lads for 90 minutes and then getting their revenge. Live by the sword, die by the sword.
Coventry City manager Mark Robbins celebrated right in front of the Wolves ball boy for the last minute winner after he refused to give the ball back earlier in the game😂
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What a country we are. Germany, who have an entire month dedicated to beer drinking, are currently quaking in their boots about our capacity for alcohol induced self destruction. Makes you proud.
England’s game against Serbia on Sunday will be the only game in the entirety of the Euro 2024 Tournament where only low percentage alcohol/beer will be served, in an attempt to prevent fan trouble. ❌🍺❌
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All fun and games until Fraudiola goes mental in a crunch semi-final game and plays Pickford as a false nine.
🚨 The FA want to appoint Pep Guardiola and are willing to wait for the Spaniard with his Man City contract ending in 2025. That means they could appoint an interim England manager to replace Gareth Southgate. (Source: @MiguelDelaney )
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Tell you something that isn't discussed enough. The fact that Vernon Kay looks like he could have played 100 games at the heart of defence for AC Milan
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Buzzing that I finally have a legitimate reason to hate Mulhern, alongside him being an annoying cunt.
Stephen Mulhern apologies to tenants living in 'squalor' at his rental home.
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When your son's under 8s 5-aside team don't play with inverted wingbacks.
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Forgive me, but I'd almost completely forgotten about this bloke's existence. By far the absolute king of hungover Sunday morning telly. A streets won't forget tv food personality if ever there was one. King.
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Back when FM24 came out, I committed to one save. Starting unemployed, with no badges & not allowing myself to see player attributes thanks to the statman skin I found on @ViewFTTouchline I set myself one target, win the Champions league. 14 years later. 🫡
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Delete this tweet. This not a chip and its disgusting of you to suggest that it is.
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Who in their right mind goes out to the pub for last orders hahahaha what a set of fucking freaks the tories are man.
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2018 World Cup is my Italia 90. Absolutely glorious weather. England playing well. Completely falling in love with a fella who calls himself "J-Lingz". It had it all.
Throwback to the euphoria we all felt when we beat Colombia on penalties 🥹.
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Millie Bright any time there's a ball within 50000 yards of the box
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My man, its time to step up
The route of The King's Procession and The Coronation Procession is expected to be lined by tens of thousands. The purple lines on this map show where people will be able to stand to see the processions.
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Whenever you see this take you know you're dealing with the absolute thickest cunts on earth.
@JohnCon72636524 The nazis were left wing mate.
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Surely we're getting the point as a country now where we should all just stop paying the fares and the fines as well. Like Poll tax, just fucking riot if we have to.
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Newcastle UTD - Steve Bruce. Cons: A little bit on the older side, & a bit of a disciplinarian around the gaff but consistent with this & generally fair. Pros: top level of banter for an old bloke & loves a chippy tea. Happy to share a few cans with you too on the weekend. 9/10
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Liverpool - Jurgen Klopp . Cons: will absolutely smash the crisps, especially your favourite flavours. Decent Banter, but gives it you infront of your mates. Pros: Sky sports, takeaways and PS5 secured. decent at sharing the telly. Let's you put your tunes on in the car. 8.5/10
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Still absolutely rattled by the dad who wants to implement a zonal marking system in his kid's u8's team hahahaha.
This message from a group chat of parents for an *UNDER 8’s* five a side Sunday football team is further proof that men who take football far too seriously are unhinged.
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This is mint and we're just about seeing this trend approach its peak funniness. Drink it in because you can bet your house on Paddy Power or some other freaks getting in on the joke and ruining it in 6 months time.
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Burnely - Sean Dyche. Cons: Tries to assert his dominance in the house and goes mental over the smallest thing. Has 0 banter and dominates the telly remote (let's you know he's the one paying for sky). Pros: Not averse to getting a takeaway in on the weekend.(4/10)
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Arsenal - Mikel Arteta .Pros:.Has a decent size house that smells nice and keeps out of your way. Buys the family a sky sports package and a dominoes his first weekend in the gaff. Cons: makes your actual dad look bad. Full wardrobe is from the littlewoods catalogue. 7/10
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Crystal Palace - Roy Hodgson. Cons: Bit too old for yer ma in your opinion. Big house that smells weird. Weirdly militant about watching The One Show. Pros: Decent guy around the house, nips you anywhere you like in "the jag", decent clobber for an older bloke . (6/10)
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Only within the context of football could someone front flip infront of someone who's mam just died and it actually be a fairly good thing.
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Nowrich - Farke. This guy screams dickhead step dad. Cons: isn't into football, only watches skiing & snowboarding on eurosport. Exclusively drinks red wine so never has any cans in to share. Pros: massively expands your snack horizons with a fine selection of deli meats. 4/10
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Tell you one thing that isn't discussed enough, Steven Gerrard's hair. The man has not deviated from the short back and sides with a bit on top for well over a decade, going pure skin head before that. Can only assume that like everything in his life, its all about consistency.
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Brighton - Graham Potter. Pros: Decent level of banter without trying too hard, makes yer ma laugh and is fair around the house. Cons: Exclusively wears sketchers and outdoor gear on the weekends. Makes your family spend weekends doing shite hikes in the cairngorms.(7.5/10)
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If you think about it, Football manager is just nintendogs for middle aged men.
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Trying to think what to write on someone's leaving card at work when there's already 5 copies of "best of luck in your new role"
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Sheff Utd - Chris Wilder . Cons - Packs the fridge out with honking food like crab sticks, spam & half eaten tins of beans. Pros - consistently good birthday/Christmas presents, gets you cheap driving lessons too cos his best mate from down the pub is an instructor . 7/10
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Barnsley vs Man utd in the Carabao Cup is football heritage.
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Spurs - Mourinho. Cons: blames anything that goes wrong in the house on someone else, if he farts he blames it on the dog. Pros: Smashes the big occasions, elite tier banter at weddings, family do's etc. has everyone in stitches. Makes you feel at ease. Decent dancer too. 6/10
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Bournemouth - Eddie Howe . Pros: Wouldn't have the bollocks to shout at you and has decent chat. Is fair with sharing the telly . Cons: Passive Aggressive and asks yer maw to ask you to do stuff for him. Likely to try too hard. Insists on everyone sitting together to eat
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Chelsea - Frank Lampard . Cons: Tries to act cool and offers to let you wear his clothes. Got young kids of his own who live with you on weekends. Definition of all the gear and no idea. Pros: Decent Gaff, Car and chat. Moderate with in house disputes. Decent at FIFA . (8/10)
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Man City - Pep Guardiola . Cons: Really protective over his gear.So much as smell his aftershave without his permission & he's banging on your bedroom door fuming. Pros: Top level of banter but knows when to leave it. sorts out class family holidays. Not stingy with lifts.8.5/10
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Watford - Pearson. Cons: Shocking temper, come to blows a few times over the telly remote and last sausage roll. Absolute fascist when it comes to the car radio and only listens to radio 4. Pros: literally none, you're going to stop at your dads for a bit, see how it goes . 3/10
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Leicester - Brendan Rodgers . Cons: Awful taste in music, films, food & telly. Weirdly confrontational about small stuff. cuts about in those tinted sunglasses that only middle aged men wear (you know the ones). No banter & thinks he's hilarious. Pros: No kids of his own. (3/10)
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Aston Villa - Dean Smith. Pros: Decent car and will give you lifts to school/college/work etc. (But will make you feel bad for asking too). Cons.Likely to be one of your dads best mates who's betrayed him and have dick head kids who are now your defacto family . 5/10
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Everton - Ancelotti. Cons: definitely too old for yer maw and a bit of a temper. Always shouts at you in Italian. Absolute banter vacuum. Shit car for someone with his money. Pros: Not arsed about the telly cos he spends most of his time reading the paper. 4.5/10
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Cant stop singing this tweet in the style of a modern arctic monkeys song. This could easily be a line from a song like American sports.
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Man Utd - OGS. Cons: The type of bloke who you just laugh at when he's mad but that also just makes you feel sorry for him. You can't understand what yer ma sees in the guy at all. Pros: Generally an okay bloke, doesn't get mad too often, decent taste in music & clothes. 6/10
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Sthampton - Ralphie H. Cons: favourite films are the Bourne supremacy, The Bourne Ultimatum, & Jason Bourne. Pros: decent around the gaff, dece car and dece banter. He's set apart by a steady vinyl collection & a mate who regularly gets hold of special edition trainers. 8.5/10
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Wolves - N.E.S . Cons: orders takeaway but it has to be "interesting cuisine" sushi, a little Ethiopian dish, anything with the word "fusion" in it. Pros: Good laugh in the house & got a banging time share in the algarve you'll get to use on your own when you're old enough . 7/10
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Special request via @McmanusPedalo .Tony Pulis (n/a). Cons: has to be 15 mins early wherever he goes & now so do you. The sound of his trackies rubbing together haunts your family 24/7. Always worried he will fight you naked . Pros: loves a taybarns / Harvester on sundays.(4/10)
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Yeah, it's the absolute double of her tbf. The resemblance is uncanny.
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West Ham United - Moyes. Cons: "listen, I know I'll never replace yer da & I know all about replacing people, but a was hoping we could be mates, for yer maw's sake. ". Pros: steady performer in snack, car, house manner and holliday departments just a bit "meh". 5/10
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"Why don't you strike during the summer hollidays" could be a line out of brass eye it's that funny hahahaha absolutely fucking brain dead.
Children suffered enough with their education during lockdown, teachers should put children first and not strike. Why dont they strike during summer holidays when kids wont have to miss lessons! #LabourBackedStrikes.
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Blackburn fans were absolutely class today, best I've seen at Oakwell in a long time 👏.
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My son dresses like a gentleman from the 1940s. Very sharp, very masculine.
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It's been unreal. Rapid progression with Savadalens initially but then I got stuck in the Swedish 2nd tier. Jumped ship to Singapore to win a title, and then briefly returned to Sweden before dominating Latvia. Returned to Sweden once again to manage Malmo who. .
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How do we explain to the other countries that this fella is the greatest sportsman we've ever produced ?
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Middlesborough - Warnock. Cons: Nightmare to live wi, get a bollocking if ya so much as get out the shower wet . Makes you earn a can "you've got to die for 3 pints" he screams. Pros: not sure if this is a pro but he keeps pork scratchings in his glovebox for emergencies. 5/10
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Big Mick McCarthy landing in Cyprus, a massive Barnsley beach towel under his arm. Adidas flip flops. No shirt on. Absolutely lathering himself in tanning oil. Ricky Martin's living la vida loca playing via a walkman in the pocket of his shorts. Life is good man.
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Bristol City - Lee Johnson. Cons: Its all "Pub lunches and playstations" at the start but once he's got his feet under the table it's a nightmare. Makes you cut the grass for your "pocket money". Pros: He's really short and you absolutely batter him for it. 4/10
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You know full well he sat there writing that tweet and just thought "other than football, what do the working class like ?" And his brain just went "pubs".
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Birmingham fans were absolutely class yesterday, best I've seen at Oakwell in a long time 👏.
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@secondtierpod @harveybarnes97 For everyone wondering about the commentary on this, the club ran a competition where people could send in their commentary to some goals from that season. This was one of the entries. Piss funny.
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Blackburn - Mowbray. Cons: Toxic masculinity shows whenever you make toast. "That's just warm bread !" he screams has he eats an absolutely crucified bit of what used to be warburtons. Pros: Doesnt mind taking you down the pub on the odd super Sunday. Sneaks you a pint too.6.5/10
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@bierology Sorry pal, if i rewrite my tweet to say "they have 2 weeks between the end of September and start of October. " for you so you, can you pick your lip up and stop crying ?.
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Leeds - Bielsa .Cons: bit old for your mam.Goes mental if you make him miss the Antiques Road show. Pros: Gets the house running like clockwork cos everyone is terrified of him. Sort of like a mad grandad you see on films . Backs ya up in school if the teachers are on one. 8/10
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Birmingham - Pep Clotet. Cons: Good looking bastard who puts yer da to shame. Constantly talks about "the spice of life". Says his mum is "tu abuela" now. Pros: Has a cracking taste in snap and cooks a mean spag bol himself. Takes your mum out dancing, which is nice. 8/10
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My beloved Barnsley FC - Struber.Cons: Has a tendency to shite with the bathroom door open. Has 3 CD's in the car all called something like "99 anthems for dads". Pros: not a bad dresser for a bald geezer and absolutely transforms the garden after a trip to BnQ with mum. 7/10
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Brentford - Thomas Frank. Cons: One of these "Arty" types who's house is full of paintings of tits. "There's nothing wrong with the female form" he says, looking at your mum. Pros: Takes your mum away for full weekends at a time leaving you to have some steady house parties. 5/10
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Hadn't won a title in years. When FC Koln came calling, I had to take the job given my history with them. (See the embedded tweet). Won the Bundesliga and DFB Pokal with them before moving on to Arsenal.
Doing a thread because I need to tell you all about Kenan "Kenny" Masic. "Who ?" You ask. "Who ?" Indeed. Born in Novo Selo in 2005 "Kenny" first rose through the ranks at Red Star Belgrade. He broke into their first team at just 15 years old, and would win 4 titles with them.
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"Ah yes, it's that time of the night when the bar staff just want to go home after a gruelling shift, all the other patrons have a had a good night's drinking, what a fine time to have my first pint of the night, just after watching 20 minutes of match of the day".
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It's mad how good the AI installed in Erling Haaland is getting, it can actually imitate John Stones.
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"If I have to ask you what the survey says, I've already made a mistake".
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They'd just sacked Pep after he'd spent a boat load of cash and had them languishing in 11th. I come in playing a slightly more direct 4-2-4 and manage to get us into 4th, and win the FA Cup that season. I also make the champions league final, which I bottle to Bayern Munich.
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Its time. The long awaited much lower quality sequel to the step dads thead. Its Premier League Managers as Members of your Sunday league team. A thread:
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"I took Gateshead to the premier league" is just jacamo speak for "look, my labrador has won the agility trial".
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Keep an eye out for that lad by the way. Just signed for Bayern Munich in real life, an absolute goal machine on this game, he's got it all, gutted to be losing him to Saudi.
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@nocontextfm1 English League 2 can be a brutal when you first come up from non-league.a real slog. 46 league games games, JPT, league cup and FA Cup, no international breaks either.
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Pulis: sorry for turning up at half time lads, we had to say goodbye to mum, I didn't want it to be a distraction but I decided, actually, a bit of normality would be good for me. Kenwyne Jones:
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This is like the new "chucking pints" thing at fan zones. Just throwing yourself around isn't the point, but people see it happen on social media and think that's what you do. Weird.
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Forest - Lamouchi .Cons: really quiet bloke, dont get a lot out of him at home. Gets the face on if you swear in your own house. Pros: makes your mum the happiest you've seen her in years, has lots of old family recipes that he says he might teach you one day. 8.5/10
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Charlton - Lee Bowyer . Cons: Tightest bloke alive despite earning a fair bit. Once had tears in his eyes cos you'd put the heating on a bit too high. Pros: The anti-Johnson, starts poor but grows on you. Decent taste in films, makes you watch goodfellas for the first time. 7/10
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In order to fund my rebuild / pay off Pep's debt I had to sell top players. Ethan Nwaneri went to Barca for 70m & he decided to smash 2 past me in a 3-0 Qfinal 2nd leg defeat at the Nou Camp, over turning a 3-1 lead. I lost in the FA cup semis the game after too. Dark days.
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@beamer_boi Genuinely always came across as a sound bloke on the show didn't he, knew his stuff about food without being pretentious, I used to like all the other segments in the town he was in before the main one.
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@nocontextfm1 If you scout red star Belgrade's U18s they produce a 4-5 * rated youth player once a season or so. Absolute legends.
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Forgot to mention. Also in that double winning squad we had 4 players that had come through Arsenal's academy and had largely been out on loan/ in the u21s until i arrived. Was necessary for them to fill the boots of the bigger players we sold due to fraudiola.
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2nd season looks good in hindsight but was a disappointing one. Knocked out of the FA Cup. Finished 2nd in the league to Luis Enrique's City (close on paper but we were never really in the race). But that wasn't even the worst part.
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Fulham - Scott Parker .Cons: wont stop asking you to come play 5 aside with him & "the lads from work". Likely to quote jokes to you he's nabbed off the internet as if they're his own. Pros: Decent bloke around the house, completely changes your views on kettle chips . 7/10
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