Just sent off an email saying warmest “retards” instead of “regards”

People who have better de-escalation training than ICE agents: - Drunk girl at the bar - Preschool/special ed teachers - Any mom who has ever existed - Servers at Waffle House

I got two brain cells left and it’s these two

HR at my work just called me and i thought i was in trouble for something but they just let me know my 11-year-old sister has been commenting on their instagram every day telling them to increase my salary😭😭😂.

Having a baby at this age still shocks me. Like girl, if you have money to play with let’s get you some Chanel.

When you have two drinks and are walking out of a social engagement in Manhattan on a cold evening. That’s the best life can get.

i love earnest people so much, i love people who reach out, who check in, who text first and then text again, who ask to hang out, i love people who actively pursue connection and make this world a little less lonely for themselves and for others too.

i dont need validation from the invalid

Anything to add

I hate when people call it X so much. Dead giveaway that you're not indigenous to Twitter.

MAGA CUCKS

i be forgetting im literally 25 sometime lemme go out

mi tink me gwaan reap what mi sow

the only bright spot in the world right now is that burnt-out Gen Z and Millennials finally make up the majority of the workforce, I just called tech support for my router and was told “girl I for real think it’s cooked”

mi tink me gwan kill miself at da dolla general

Wearing platform Uggs and yoga pants makes me feel like a beautiful Clydesdale horse

sorry for all the mean and accurate shit i said

Anytime I notice someone is intelligent I intentionally interact w/ them and make them feel seen/heard bc I like the bag they get in whenever they feel seen/heard/understood

When I’m off Man Down by Rihanna just b careful

Something is wrong like in general